- What book ? - The one down your trousers.
l don't have a book down my trousers.
Right.
l tell you what. Um, l'll call the police, and, um,
if l'm wrong about the whole "book down the trousers" scenario,
l really apologize.
Okay. What if... l did have a book down my trousers ?
Well, ideally, when l went back to the desk,
you'd remove the Cadogan Guide to Bali from your trousers...
and either wipe it and put it back or buy it.
l'll see you in a sec.
l'm sorry about that.
No, it's fine.
l was gonna steal one, but now l've changed my mind.
Oh, signed by the author, l see.
Um, yeah, couldn't stop him.
lf you can find an unsigned one, it's worth an absolute fortune.
Excuse me.
- Yes ? - Can l have your autograph ?
Uh, sure.
- What's your name ? - Rufus.
What does it say ?
That's my signature. And above it, it says, "Dear Rufus, you belong in jail."
Good one.
- Do you want my phone number ? - Tempting.
But... no. Thank you.
l will take this one.
Oh, right, right. So, uh--
Well, on second thoughts, um, maybe it's not that bad after all.
Actually, it's a sort of a classic, really.
None of those childish kebab stories you find in so many books these days.
And, um, l tell you what.
l'll throw in one of those for free.
Useful for, uh, lighting fires,
wrapping fish, that sort of thing.
- Thanks. - Pleasure.