hi I'm Barbara this is Mary Barkley hi this is Dave hi hi Barbara hi Mary hi everybody thank
you for joining us I love being on the Barbara Gaines show thank you for inviting me the uh I'll
be quite Frank I'll be candid I'll be transparent the bookings seem to have slowed down I've never
had any bookings okay so they're steady so they're steady in what they are yeah yes uh do you have a
little Story I Heard well uh I was thinking about it because today is my birthday and thanks uh to
all the people who sent the cards and letters of well wishes uh happy birthday thank you very much
thank you and I know when I say cards and letters you have no idea what I'm talking about this comes
under the category of uh why I can't leave the house huh maybe maybe trouble in New Jersey I know
they're coming for you um last night I went to a Premiere Premiere you did yes Premiere and excuse
me for dropping names at the Museum of Modern Art you know what I'm saying yeah so this was a-lister
stuff right so um uh we we get there early my wife and I are Regina accompanied me because she loves
all things about the Museum of Modern Art I think I've been there once and was accused of loitering
uh so anyway we we're there for the screening and the screening is a Jimmy a chin and his
wife chai their their newest offering and I think it's called wildlife and it's the
story of Chris Tompkins uh married to the late uh Doug Tompkins and they helped uh
build a national park system for uh Chile and Argentina and everything that is Patagonia so
you love this oh yeah well how can you not love it the scenery uh was compelling it was just
uh delightful and we were told that uh to be there at six if you wanted to go through the
uh the red carpet thing well I don't want to go through a red carpet thing he come to the house
I don't have a red carpet anywhere near the place sure thank you Mary thank you oh yeah sure okay
so uh we don't get there at six we get there at 6 40. we drive right in no traffic and we get
there at 6 40. parking right across the street it was great couldn't have been easier we we
walk into the museum oh hello Mr Letterman that's my impression of people generally who work at the
Museum I don't mean any offense that just seems to be the way General people that's right that's the
people here do that again no hello Mr Letterman that's not a gender that's nothing that's just
people nothing no that's just a guy or a woman do your dumb guy voice now hey what are you hey what
are you doing here get away from the Picasso [ __ ] yeah that's my dumb guy uh so anyway
we will walk right in and we're uh everybody said oh again that's the generic voice are you coming
through the the party line the red carpet line and I said no uh no I'm not but you know thanks
and and so they pretend to be upset uh full well knowing that they take my picture then what yeah
so anyway we go sit down okay their problem they didn't go anywhere okay what I like to
do when I'm out in public I look for toupees and hair pieces uh and plastic surgery so we we spend
some time spotting people using the modern art I bet that's good good Pickens right oh yeah yeah
we're not in Kansas anymore hey um so now uh seven o'clock comes the film hasn't started 7 30
comes the film hasn't started we're getting antsy because we're hungry and I can tell my blood sugar
is dropping and that's not where you want to be get a little angry yeah you do get a little hangry
and and the the Milling seems to be at a peak it's just like okay we've had enough Milling around
everybody be seated 7 30 they haven't started the film 7 45 well we hear a disembodied voice hello
hello man please will you take your seats hello again I don't know where it came from I don't
know who it was it might have been one of them AI things that's probably what it was robots yep so
uh okay robots there there's an introduction and uh the the movie uh we watched the movie
and uh it's glorious just a fabulous movie and uh just glorious and at the end my wife and I we hop
up and we race out and I say what what I often say uh is I have to use the men's room because
uh frankly I have to use the men's room now hey we'll be right back um so I run into the men's
room and I'm dressed pretty much like this except I got a jacket and this you know people understand
this what I'm going to tell you happens is it's part of the human mechanism and if it's happened
to me it's probably happened to Walter Walter you'll you don't know what I'm talking about
here yeah okay so I run into the men's room and uh you know what goes on in the men's room
yeah so I don't know why I'm amused by that but anyway uh so I come out and I put my coat on and
I've got the thing and then we go we're going across the street and I see a photographer one
of them Paparazzi guys hey Dave he says and he's got his camera click click click click click click
click and so I put on my big phony Show Business smile I like that click click click click click
click and now my wife and I cross 53rd Street go right into the parking garage here comes the car
I'm gonna drive home so I want to be at my most comfortable so I take off my jacket and it's oh
my God it's stuck the jacket is stuck why do you kids think my jacket is stuck wasn't your jacket
in the door Barbara in your pants I had tucked my jacket into my pants
you tucked your jacket into your pants that's right so I'm oh Lord what what is this uh and
I finally pulled it out and I think what a dumb guy and then I think oh no wait a minute
this this man on the other side of the street is taking photos of me with my jacket in your pants
another great photography experience that's right so now I'm thinking this is why you
don't leave home because in my mind it's going to be like uh when um the the Dalai Lama the
Lolly invited people to come up and kiss his tongue or suck his tongue hey who wants to
suck my tongue and it's going to be like one of them viral memes yes I'll become a meme
jacket into his pants yeah so that's uh that's why and now we can finish up on this story why
I should never leave the house no I'll take questions well that is but that's kind of
like a good story right yeah yeah now do we know if it went anywhere do we know I doubt
it yeah take a look yeah because that would be a nice Ender for this story oh wouldn't
it be great if there's a photo of me with my jacket tucked into my pants every old
man you see in a nursing home and forgive me that's not ageist because I have a birthday
and I'm 76 so I can say things like that right right yeah I think you can yeah yeah we could
always reenact it here if you can't find the photo well I didn't bring my jacket no right
but I'm sure it's something I've done it I want to thank you girls for inviting me on
the show today it's a lot of fun uh thanks for having us do people watch this no no
all right night uh yeah oh no you wrap it up yeah so uh
uh thanks for watching watching don't forget to subscribe don't forget to vote for the
Webby and remember it's not YouTube it's YouTube that's right and then also Warren
zevonne just keep voting thanks for good night say goodbye what'd you get I didn't do it yet
Go please good Voice work in this episode oh thank
you very much Walter I'm a consummate performer Rich Little right here yeah