- At this time of year, everything's coming
to a head in the soaps.
In the Christmas EastEnders an old character
always returns unexpectedly on Christmas day.
"I've come back".
How? How have you come back?
There are no buses. There are no trains.
(audience laughing)
It's snowing and the roads are shut.
(audience laughing)
I want to learn more about the Christmas soaps,
so please welcome Christmas star of the EastEnders.
It's Shane Richie.
(audience clapping and cheering)
(upbeat music)
Hello Shane.
- Hello darling
- Hello, thanks so much for joining us.
- Absolute pleasure.
- Now you're such a good actor
and it's such a good character that you've developed.
But what I really want to know is
how on earth do you concentrate
with Kat's tits in your face the whole time?
(audience laughing)
- Oh, don't.
Sarah, how close are you to the camera?
- Uh, how close? I'm close to you.
- See if you can get closer cause I wanna
come and get close to me and see if we can kiss on screen.
Can we make it work?
(audience cheering)
Come here.
(audience laughing)
Did it work? Did it work?
- Well, I brought my tongue out and your mouth wasn't open,
so I don't think you're a very good kisser.
(Shane laughs)
- Yeah.
- So Shane it's Christmas, the happiest time of the year
So who's gonna die in EastEnders?
(audience laughing)
- Well, you know, Sarah,
sadly, someone will die around about the Christmas time.
- If you told us who dies, would you get sacked?
- Oh, darling, I would get into so much trouble.
cause while I'm talking to you right now
on the side I've got a whole team of people looking at me
just waving contracts.
(audience laughing)
Just seriously, think about it though, Sarah.
Cause you know the normal progression
of like yourself doing stand up comedy
and back in the day I've done stand up comedy.
And I'm sure it's only a matter of time
till you do a game show.
And then the next progression
from you is to do either a sitcom or some comedy drama
and then you are gonnna find yourself
either doing Emmerdale, Corrie or EastEnders.
So, if you had to choose out of three
I want you to be honest, which one would it be?
- It would, I can't really do any of the accents.
That's the problem.
If I did EastEnders, could you teach me?
- You'll be fine if I teach you to speak like a Londoner?
- Okay. We'll do a practise later.
- I could teach you to speak like Cockney, right.
- Let's do it now. Let's do a line now.
- Right, okay. This is what we're gonna do, right?
I want you to imagine a scene.
Okay? Right.
You're going to be Alfie's long lost lover, alright?
- Awesome.
(audience laughing)
- Let's find a name for you. Let's call you,
what sort of name do you want?
Choose the right name. What name would you like to be?
- Can I be slightly slaggy?
(audience laughing)
- slightly slaggy? Shall I call you slightly slaggy then?
(audience laughing)
(audience clapping)
Right, so picture the scene
You're gonna be a big old trollop, right?
But what we're gonna do
but if people imagine the scene right
we're going to give you a bit of a London accent.
So picture the scene
everybody at home, OK.
There's this new character.
Let's call you Tracy. - There's a couple of girls
that are really affected in the audience called Tracy.
- Oh that's the name of a slag is it?
(audience laughing)
- right, so picture the scene. Okay, you're Tracy.
You're upstairs in The Queen Vic.
We've just been caught in bed by Kat.
Okay. Now you're gonna have to work on your London accent.
So I'm going to turn around and say something like
"Oh Tracy, are we going to get out of this one, sweetheart?"
And you're going to say, "nevermind Alfie
get that thing out my body and here's your chocolates back".
(audience laughing)
And then there's gonna be a big duff duff at the end.
All right, are you ready?
- Yeah
(audience laughing)
- Okay, so picture the scene, right.
It's nighttime in The Queen Vic, the camera pans round
and takes us upstairs into the bar where we see Kat
outside the door, listening to Alfie and Tracy at it.
- Oh oh oh oh oh
(audience laughing)
Not there not there, get it out, not there, oh!
Oh oh oh
Is this alright?
(Audience laughing)
- Okay, we're nearly there, we're nearly there, Okay?
- Oh oh!
Let me just tick that fantasy off, hold on.
(audience laughing)
So now, Kat comes through the door and goes
"what's going on here?"
I say, Kat, this is not what it looks like, darling. Go
- Nevermind Alfie, get your cock out
and here's your chocolate's back.
(Eastenders theme plays)
(audience clapping)
- Well, there's our new Christmas episode.
- And, now one of my favourite shows of yours
is Don't Forget the Lyrics.
You do a lot of singing in that and
- Aww, thank you.
- You've done a lot of singing in your whole life
have you ever forgotten the lyrics?
- Yeah, the one that springs to mind,
I spent a long time in a musical, Grease in the West End
and also in Manchester, back in the nineties.
And I'd done the show so many times
two shows a day for like three and a half years.
And the big song in the show is Sandy.
And I remember just sitting in front
of 3000 people and the band started playing
and it was going, "stranded at the drivin', branded a fool.
What will they say, Monday at school?"
And all I could think
of was what the fuck is this girl's name?
(audience laughing)
And I just went (humming) "can't you see
I'm in misery. We made a start
now we're apart
there's nothing left for me".
What is her (mumbles)
(audience laughs)
"love has flown, all alone, I sit,
I wonder why-yi-yi oh why
she left me (mumbles)
(audience laughing)
(audience cheering)
- Now, the charity single you did for Children In Need
way back when. I take it we raised enough
to make you stop singing.
(audience laughing)
Are your whites still whiter than white?
(audience laughing)
- Oh.There are certain things that come back
to haunt you, isn't it?
(audience laughing)
But seriously, the amount of money they paid me to do that,
I'd have sniffed that shit nevermind washing it.
(audience laughing and clapping)
- (Cockney accent) Thanks so much for coming
on the show Shane.
(audience laughing)
Merry Christmas, ladies and gentlemen, Shane Richie.
(audience cheering and clapping)
- Merry Christmas, darling.
- Coming in for a kiss!
(audience cheering and clapping)
Hello. I'm Sarah Millican.
And thanks very much for watching my videos.
I'm going on tour with a brand new show called Bobby Dazzler
for all the information
about where I'm going and when go to Sarah millican.co.uk.
Thanks.