- From Atlanta, give it up for my man, Chase Anthony.
- AUDIENCE: [cheering]
- ♪
- Yeah! What's up, party people?
- AUDIENCE: [cheering]
- Yeah, we're in a good place.
Yeah, I'm feeling good now, man, I got to that place now
everybody in my family seen me on TV couple of times,
they think I've made it, so this year, my mom,
for her birthday, she was, "Baby, I know you made it."
"I heard you doing a little 50 Cent show,
so this year I want a Gucci purse for Christmas."
I was like, "Damn, okay. Let's talk. Let's talk."
Ya'll know what it's like when you gotta tell your mom,
"Listen, you're not a Gucci parent, okay?"
'Cause I'm from Atlanta, and I grew up with four sisters.
So, like, my mom just asked for it.
I'm like, "Hey, you should have clocked in a little bit early"
"You got me out here doing stuff that ain't for me."
Like, "Let me be a boy, let me be a boy."
I didn't know for the longest time
that this was a bad way to stand.
I was like, "This is so comfortable."
Nice and comfortable.
I got a nice little resting place
for my hand and everything.
I didn't find out till I'm inviting people
to slumber parties, I'm like, "Hey, Crazy,
we're having a slumber party at my house."
- AUDIENCE: [laughing]
- "And everybody's coming."
"What the hell you mea, everybody's coming?"
Boom, how old was you when you found out
that your towel don't go up here?
Yeah, I was 14, ya'll don't know what that's like.
First day of football, I'm confused as hell.
"Why ain't you got your towel up here?"
"My sisters and all this."
"Yeah, but it's hanging out the bottom, brother."
"Yeah, you right, let me go ahead and situate this."
That was the same year that I found
that real men don't sit down and pee.
My mom cleared that up right away.
She came in here meantime like,
"Look at my baby going number two."
Like: "Hmm-mm, going number one."
She was like, "What you mean you going number one?"
"Well we sit down and pee in this family, right?"
She said, "No, no. Get up right now."
I said, "Okay, I'm almost done, just let me wipe."
And when I did this...
That's when you clock into parenting.
So don't call me 20 years later and tell me,
"Baby, I want a Gucci purse."
No, you should've clocked in earlier.
That's what you should have did.
Now we at the age where girls be having kids
and stuff like that, and that's cool.
But, like, that's a lot of pressure to put on a man.
Like, if you got a kid...
What if you're kid good at everything and then, eventually,
me and you have a baby that ain't good at nothing?
Like, then I know I broke that baby.
I can't walk around like that
knowing that I like your son more than mine, like hell no.
Especially if that's the one I gave my junior.
Do you know pissed I would be
if I gave my junior to the wrong kid?
He just walking around like just not making it
and just telling everybody, "Nah, I'm Little Chase."
"You better shut up, don't tell nobody...
I'm your daddy, at all."
Like I tried borrowing a baby,
I tried taking my nephew for a week.
That was five days too long, and it got awkward 'cause now
you got questions when you're in the tub.
You can drown,
'cause I'm not going to come up in there
and answer none of your questions
so you can go home and tell this story wrong.
Like, "Yeah, I had a great time."
"I was in the bathtub,
Uncle Chase was in there talking to me."
Like, "What?
Go back, go back."
Now you gotta defend yourself at every barbecue with your family.
Like, "There he go, right there. Uh-huh.
We know what you're into."
That's the same nephew though.
Like, he's my favorite because, like, he--he's like a hero.
Like, he just got kicked out of a slumber parties forever.
Like... and I was looking at him.
I was like: "Well, how did you do that?"
My sister told me, she was like,
"Well, he's got his own room,
so I let him sleep naked at the house."
I was like, "What?"
She said he got to the slumber party,
pulled off all his clothes and laid on top
of his sleeping bag just butt naked.
I was like: "What?"
She was like, "That wasn't the worst part.
All the other kids participated."
I was like, "What?"
Could you imagine being a parent at this slumber party?
You just going in, they just naked on top and like,
"You like the third grade? I love the third grade."
You think everything going good!
You come in there with cookies, like,
"Hey, guys. I got cooki--
"No, no, no, no, no!"
'Cause you gotta call the other parents
and tell them why the party shut down.
Like, "Hey, there's a little orgy going on over here.
Come get your naked baby."
My sister was pissed.
"Oh my God, I think my baby's gay."
No, your son's a leader. That's what he is.
He get all the kids naked. You need to focus on that one.
Alright, ya'll, my name is Chase Anthony. Thank you.
- AUDIENCE: [cheering]