>> Stephen: LET ME TELL YOU HOW SERIOUSLY I AM TAKING
TOMORROW NIGHT'S INTERVIEW WITH JAMES COMEY, I READ HIS BOOK.
( LAUGHTER ) AND LAST NIGHT, I HUNKERED DOWN
TO WATCH HIS WARM-UP INTERVIEW WITH GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS.
IT WAS FULL OF JUICY DETAILS.
LIKE COMEY'S FIRST MEETING WITH TRUMP:
>> WHAT WAS YOUR IMPRESSION?
>> HE HAD IMPRESSIVELY COIFFED HAIR, IT LOOKS TO BE ALL HIS.
I CONFESS, I STARED AT IT PRETTY CLOSELY.
>> Stephen: OH, YOU STARED AT HIS HAIR.
THAT IS SO INSULTING TO TRUMP.
"MY EYES ARE DOWN HERE, JAMES."
( LAUGHTER ) COMEY HAD MORE NOTES ON TRUMP'S
APPEARANCE.
>> HIS TIE WAS TOO LONG, AS IT ALWAYS IS.
HE LOOKED SLIGHTLY ORANGE UP CLOSE WITH SMALL, WHITE HALF
MOONS UNDER HIS EYES, WHICH I ASSUME ARE FROM TANNING GOGGLES.
>> STEPHEN: MEOW!
( LAUGHTER ) WOW!
>> Jon: WOW!
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING NEXT, BUT
FOR HIS NEXT JOB, HE'S GOING FROM THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT TO A
JUDGE ON "RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) "I GOTTA SAY, UH, YOU DID WORK
IT, BUT THE CONCEALER WASN'T WORKING FOR ME.
SASHAY AWAY, OKAY?" ( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: UH-HUH YOU GOT THE TONE.
>> Stephen: THE REASON COMEY WAS MEETING
WITH TRUMP WASN'T TO INTRODUCE HIMSELF, HE WAS THERE TO TELL
TRUMP ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF THE STEELE DOSSIER.
SPECIFICALLY, THE HOT LIQUID CONTENTS.
>> HOW GRAPHIC DID YOU GET?
>> I THINK AS GRAPHIC AS I NEEDED TO BE.
I DID NOT GO INTO THE BUSINESS ABOUT PEOPLE PEEING ON EACH
OTHER, AND HE INTERRUPTED VERY DEFENSIVELY AND STARTED TALKING
ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW, "DO I LOOK LIKE A GUY WHO NEEDS HOOKERS?"
>> Stephen: YES.
YES, YOU DO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE, A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK
TRUMP IS ALL COKEY'S FAULT BECAUSE HE ANNOUNCED THEY WERE
REOPENING THE INVESTIGATION OF HILLARY CLINTON 11 DAYS BEFORE
THE ELECTION.
WHY'D HE DO IT?
>> BECAUSE I WAS OPERATING IN A WORLD WHERE HILLARY CLINTON WAS
GOING TO BEAT DONALD TRUMP.
>> STEPHEN: I WAS OPERATING IN THAT WORLD, TOO.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I DESPERATELY WANT TO GO
BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'VE BEEN CRAWLING INTO THE BACK
OF EVERY WARDROBE I CAN FIND.
( LAUGHTER ) AND COMEY TOLD US HOW HE FELT
THE DAY HE WAS FIRED.
>> WHAT'S YOUR FIRST THOUGHT?
>> THAT'S CRAZY.
HOW COULD THAT BE?
I DON'T REMEMBER BEING ANGRY.
I REMEMBER JUST THINKING, "IT'S CRAZY TO FIRE ME."
I DRANK RED WINE FROM A PAPER COFFEE CUP AND JUST LOOKED OUT
AT THE LIGHTS OF THE COUNTRY I LOVE SO MUCH AS WE FLEW HOME.
>> STEPHEN: RED WINE IN A PAPER COFFEE CUP, ALSO KNOWN AS
THE MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER SPECIAL.
( LAUGHTER ) MM-MM-MM...
( APPLAUSE ) "QUIET, WE'RE WATCHING A MOVIE
TODAY.
'BRAVEHEART' COUNTS AS HISTORY."
( LAUGHTER ) "DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS IT'S
GOT BOOBIES IN THIS ONE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND COMEY SAYS THE WAY THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION IS ORGANIZED REMINDED HIM OF SOMETHING.
>> I HAD A FLASHBACK TO MY DAYS INVESTIGATING THE MAFIA, LA COSA
NOSTRA.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, TRUMP JUST
DOESN'T SEEM TOUGH ENOUGH TO BE A MOB BOSS.
"LUCA BRAZI SLEEPS WITH THE FISHES, AND I SLEEP WITH FILET
O'FISHES."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT LIKE LA COSA NOSTRA, TRUMP
HAS APPOINTED FAMILY MEMBERS TO KEY POSITIONS.
BUT UNLIKE THE MAFIA, NONE OF HIS RELATIVES ARE COMPETENT.
IT'S ALL EXPLAINED IN THE NEW MOVIE, "GODFATHER 4: OOPS!
ALL FREDOS."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD.
POINT IS, JAMES COMEY THINKS TRUMP IS UNFIT TO BE PRESIDENT,
SO HE MUST SUPPORT IMPEACHMENT, RIGHT?
WRONG.
>> I THINK IMPEACHING AND REMOVING DONALD TRUMP FROM
OFFICE WOULD LET THE AMERICAN PEOPLE OFF THE HOOK AND HAVE
SOMETHING HAPPEN INDIRECTLY THAT I BELIEVE THEY'RE DUTY
BOUND TO DO DIRECTLY.
PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY NEED TO STAND UP AND GO TO THE VOTING
BOOTH AND VOTE THEIR VALUES.
AND, SO, IMPEACHMENT, IN A WAY, WOULD SHORT CIRCUIT THAT.
>> STEPHEN: YOU HEAR THAT, AMERICA?
JAMES COMEY THINKS WE DESERVE THREE MORE YEARS OF DONALD
TRUMP.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
QUIET, JIMMY.
WE'RE WATCHING A MOVIE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN DICKERSON!