-Ah. -This is it.
The glittering golden envelope.
"You will drive your cars to Namibia through the Okavango Delta."
That's the really big wildlife place.
"In the Okavango, you will encounter many deadly animals,
including lions, leopards, cheetahs, hyenas,
wild dogs, hippos, black rhino and crocodile...
bird, snakes, shield-nose snakes, puff adders,
boomslang, cape cobras, banded cobras, black mambas, black widows
and thick-tailed scorpions."
What about the honey badger?
-The what? -Honey badger.
That's the least scary sounding animal in the world.
A honey badger does not kill you to eat you. It tears off your testicles.
-It does not! -Why's it called a honey badger?
-Because that's what's made it angry. -Why isn't it called the badger of death?
In order to protect ourselves from the lions and the honey badgers,
Jeremy and I would have to rebuild our cars.
But because we'd left all the bits on the other side of the salt pans,
we had to use whatever we could find.
Could a lion eat this?
Who do I see about the... corrugated metal?
Suppose I better practise, at least, my lion drill.
Oh, no! There's a lion coming! What shall I...
That. Oliver will protect me.
Because I had nothing to do, I decided to irritate Jeremy.
I want to go to that tarpaulin man.
-Tarpaulin? -Tarpaulin will defeat--
It's well known, tarpaulin, for its almost military protective capabilities.
That's why you often see people going into war zones draped in tarpaulin.
Could you put a new door on a car? Come and have a look.
I'll show you what I mean. It's not sophisticated metal work, this, but...
I would like a tarpaulin roof for a Lancia Beta Coupe, 1981.
-We can. We can make anything here. -Do you have any lion-proof tarpaulin?
-So, it's got to be like this thick. -Yes.
One and a half metres by, say, one and a half metres.
If you think of a lion door, it would be about that big.
Could you ignore him and make me that?
Because Mercedes were very popular in Africa,
James soon found a spare door and boot lid for his car.
And, while he was looking for more bits, I hatched a plan.
Look what I've got.
-That's a cow's head. -Yeah.
Now, this will attract flies which will make his life unpleasant.
-Yes. -It will also attract lions, tigers...
He effectively becomes a burger van driving through...
And to make sure the lions didn't miss...
-Oh, yeah! That's a whopper! -That's a good piece.
Oh, yeah, under the seat.
-And the smell. -The smell will really...
That will be beautiful.
We also attached a cowbell to the underside of his car.
But while we were doing this, he was making merry with the paint.
That afternoon, we left Maun and headed north to the Okavango Delta.
Right. My car now has been readied.
As you can see, I have a wooden door here. It's a gull-wing.
So I can get in and out, obviously.
God, this is like being in an allotment shed.
On a very windy day.
On the left, I have all the cans that were in the car for the last few days.
They've been arranged.
And the pièce de résistance.
Badgers, go away.
I am the road warrior.
Mad Jeremy.
It's a police car.
Can anybody else smell burning, or is it my car?
Is it like a barbecue smell?
As we neared the Okavango, the roads became rougher and rougher.
This is where the big Benz comes into its own, really,
'cause it's got good ground clearance...
Bloody hell.
This is enough to shake the skulls from your bonnet
and nobody in the whole of human history has ever said that before.
So, just to summarise, viewers...
As we went through the gates and into the game reserve,
the road changed again... for the worse.
This is new... very soft sand.
To stop our cars bogging down, we had to drive as fast as possible.
We had ourselves another rally stage.
Amazingly, even Jeremy had his work cut out,
keeping up with the Opel.
Hammond's car just looks so composed.
I'm developing this irrational hatred of him and it.
This is such a good game!
Eventually he was slowed down by a bridge over the River Khwai.
The rally stage had taken its toll on one of the cars.
Take a guess which one.
I'm in a car, which, as you can probably hear,
has got a throttle that's jammed wide open and I can't hold it on the brakes.
Hammond, move!
You're going to have to go faster or I'll hit you!
What?
Oh, God!
Thanks! Well, help yourself to my brakes, why not?
I've lost a skull.
Monkeys.
I'm sorry, I can't...
Just hear the throttle. That's tick-over. Look, my leg's not on it.
Having bodged my throttle, we headed deeper into the Okavango.
Front, 12 o'clock. One o'clock. One.
This is where wildlife cameramen
come to make a name for themselves with David Attenborough.
But unfortunately, our film crew are best, really, with cars.
A giraffe on the right.
There, the big thing.
If we ever do a programme called
The Back End of an Animal... these are the boys to hire.
This week on Too Late To Look.
Baboon on the left with animals, with a baby on its back.
To give our crew a chance, we stopped
and discovered that we weren't much good at animals either.
Wow, look! Look!
-A hippo's head. -Oh, it is.
It's probably a whole hippo. The rest of him's under the water.
What does a hippo do just before it's about to attack?
Opens its mouth.
Opens its mouth. It can open its jaw. There's a thing it can do.
Oh, look!
-Oh, look at that. -They've stopped for a drink...
using their noses to shovel water into their mouths.
Jeremy, that's a rubbish commentary.
James took over.
That one's lifting its paw up a bit like a dog does.
-Paw! -Hoof, foot, whatever you call it.
-Hoof? -What is it on an elephant? It's amazing.
There's a man over there with the best comb-over I have ever seen in my life.
That is...
He's got four partings as a result of that. Can you see?
Why don't... You're bald, live with it.
Oops, he caught me looking at him.
-I was looking through binoculars... -I was looking at the elephants. Really.
Look at that sun now, boys.
Elephants, rally special stage.
-Best comb-over I've ever seen. -Everything's here.
We camped by the river
and while James serviced his car, I hatched a plan.
Jeremy! Jeremy!
-Jeremy! -What?
Quick, come here. Come here.
It's the cow's head.
It wasn't working in the boot, but I've had a better idea.
-What? -Tent.
-His tent? -Yeah.
Love your thinking.
The second one from the right.
You find it. That's his.
In, in, in!
Put it under his bed.
What?
-What's that? -It was a hippo.
What?
Close?
There's a very big hippo.
Oh, my God, look at that.
Hippos spend all day in the water
and then they come out at night because...
I can't remember why.
Well, thank you. That's useful. Thank you.
What's that?
Oh, brilliant!
Look!
Do you want to go out there with a hippopotamus?
Or do you want to stay in here with a horse's head?
-That's not a question ever been asked. -It's not a horse either. It's a cow.
Hang on.
That's my bag in James's...
This is my tent!
Oh, man! Get it out!