THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENERGY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I WILL TAKE IT TONIGHT.
BECAUSE I'M TELL YOU, AS WE WERE TALKING BEFORE, I AM FEELING
BETTER.
AND YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE I SOUND MUCH, MUCH WORSE.
OH, THAT IS GOOD!
MMM!
MY WATER BURNS A LITTLE.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, I ACTUALLY WENT TO THE
DOCTOR AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS WEEK.
THIS IS MEREDITH, ONE OF MY PRODUCERS, EVERYBODY.
SAY HI TO MEREDITH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) Y WENT TO MY DOCTOR ON MONDAY,
AND HE ACTUALLY LOOKED ME OVER AND I SAID, "WHAT IS GOING ON
HERE?" AND HE ACTUALLY SAID-- HE
CHECKED MY VITALS, AND HE SAID THERE'S NOTHING ACTUALLY WRONG
WITH ME.
AND I SAID, WHAT, DOES THAT MEAN?"
AND HE SAID, "I'VE CHECKED.
YOU DON'T HAVE A FEVER.
NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR NOSE UP HERE.
NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR THROAT.
NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR LUNGS.
THIS IS JUST WHAT YOU'RE LIKE NOW."
>> IT HASN'T BEEN IDENTIFIED YET.
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE, THAT'S TRUE.
MAYBE I'VE GOT SOMETHING NEW AND EXCITING.
>> AND IT CAN MAYBE BE NAMED AFTER YOU.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
THAT WOULD BE FUN.
( LAUGHTER ) SOME PEOPLE GET A STREET.
I COULD GET A DISEASE.
THAT'S A HAPPY THOUGHT.
PEOPLE WHO WATCH THIS SHOW KNOW THAT I AM A BIG FAN OF "THE
BACHELOR."
WE TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.
>> "THE BACHELOR" RELAXES ME LIKE NO OTHER SHOW.
>> Stephen: IT DOES.
>> JUST ALL THOUGHTS GO OUT OF MY HEAD COMPLETELY WHEN I WATCH
IT.
>> Stephen: I LIKE WATCHING "THE BACHELORETTE" TOO.
I LIKED THE GREASED-UP MEN THEY BRING IN.
I WANT TO SEE THOSE GUYS.
>> I LIKE "THE BACHELOR," BECAUSE I LIKE SORT OF IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE SEASON WHEN IT'S ABOUT, MAYBE, LIKE 10 GIRLS, AND
THEN-- THEY'RE ALL UNITING TO TRY TO GET THIS ONE BAD SEED
OUT, LIKE THE KIND OF GIRL THAT WILL FAKE HEAD TRAUMA JUST TO
GET, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES OF ALONE TIME.
I FEEL LIKE HER NAME'S ALEXA, TOO.
>> Stephen: ALEXA WOULD BE A GREAT NAME.
HOW DO YOU FEEL-- WE TALKED ABOUT THIS THE OTHER NIGHT.
WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TALK.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CHOICE BEN MADE TO GO WITH LAUREN
>> GREAT.
THEY WERE BOTH GOOD CHOICES.
>> Stephen: I WAS ON TEAM LAUREN FROM THE BEGINNING.
YOU WOULD BE HAPPY-- YOU WOULD WANT TO WISH THEM HAPPINESS?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU CAN.
THEY'RE RIGHT HERE IN THE AUDIENCE RIGHT NOW, THERE'S BEN
AND LAUREN RIGHT THERE FROM "THE BACHELOR."
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN.
ALL THE HAPPINESS.
VERY NICE, VERY NICE.
SEE, LOVE IS REAL.
YOU SAW IT ON TV.
OF COURSE, THE REALITY SHOW EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT IS THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
BIG ROUND OF PRIMARIES LAST NIGHT.
FIVE STATES VOTED, SO PEOPLE WERE CALLING IT "SUPER TUESDAY
PART THREE," AND LIKE ALL SEQUELS, IT'S GETTING
PREDICTABLE, AND VERY EXPENSIVE.
ON THE DEMOCRATIC SIDE HILLARY SHUT OUT BERNIE, FIVE TO
ZIP, INCLUDING FLORIDA.
IT IS JUST SO SAD TO SEE BERNIE BETRAYED BY THE PEOPLE HE MOST
RESEMBLES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MEANING, MEANWHILE, OVER ON THE INTERESTING SIDE, DONALD TRUMP
HAD A HUGE NIGHT.
THE SIZE OF THE HUGENESS, LARGE.
HE WON FOUR OUT OF FIVE STATES, AND THEN DELIVERED A
STIRRING VICTORY TANTRUM.
>> NOBODY HAS EVER, EVER IN THE HISTORY OF POLITICS,
RECEIVED THE KIND OF NEGATIVE ADVERTISING THAT I HAVE.
AND YOU EXPLAIN IT TO ME BECAUSE I CAN'T.
MY NUMBERS WENT UP.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS IT.
>> Stephen: FOR ONCE, WE AGREE WITH YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT'S HAPPENING!
WHAT'S HAPPENING!
IT MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE GREAT ENDORSEMENTS
DONALD'S GETTING.
FOR INSTANCE, FORMER CANDIDATE AND MAN ALWAYS LOOKING DIRECTLY
INTO THE SUN, BEN CARSON, WHO TOLD THIS INSPIRING TALE OF HOW
HE CAME TO HE CAME TO SUPPORT TRUMP.
>> I HAVE TO LOOK AT WHAT IS PRACTICAL.
I DIDN'T SEE A PATH FOR KASICH-- WHO I LIKE-- OR FOR RUBIO-- WHO
I LIKE.
IS THERE ANOTHER SCENARIO THAT I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED?
YES, BUT THAT SCENARIO ISN'T AVAILABLE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT IS A ROUGH
ENDORSEMENT.
"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THE BAR'S ABOUT TO CLOSE.
YOU'RE NOT GET ANYTHING YOUNGER, AND NEITHER AM I.
LET'S GET MARRIED."
AND CARSON WASN'T THE ONLY ONE SUPPORTING DONALD TRUMP.
>> THE WAY I LOOK AT IT, EVEN IF DONALD TRUMP TURNS OUT NOT TO BE
SUCH A GREAT PRESIDENT, WE'RE ONLY LOOKING AT FOUR YEARS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YEAH.
YEAH.
I MEAN, HOW MUCH CAN GO WRONG IN FOUR YEARS?
WORLD WAR II JUST FLEW BY.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT AS INEVITABLE AS TRUMP MAY
SEEM NOW, THERE WAS ONE KEY STATE HE DIDN'T WIN, OHIO, WHICH
WENT TO ITS GOVERNOR, JOHN KASICH.
IT WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY WIN, FOR THE GOVERNOR, AFTER WHICH
KASICH MAD A PRETTY BOLD CLAIM.
>> I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
WE ARE GOING TO GO ALL THE WAY TO CLEVELAND AND SECURE THE
REPUBLICAN NOMINATION.
>> Stephen: GOVERNOR, HERE'S A RIDDLE: WHAT'S ROUND AT BOTH
ENDS AND HAS GOT TO BE HIGH IN THE MIDDLE?
BECAUSE TO SECURE THE NOMINATION AT THE CONVENTION IN CLEVELAND,
THIS SUMMER, KASICH WOULD HAVE TO GET 116% OF THE REMAINING
DELEGATES.
WE'D HAVE TO MAKE HIM GOVERNOR OF EVERY REMAINING STATE, PLUS
SOME STATES WE DON'T EVEN HAVE YET.
HE'S LOOKING VERY GOOD IN NORTH KENTUCKSYLVANIA AND
MASSACHIPPISSIPPI.
OH, THEY LOVE HIM IN MASSACHIPPISSIPPI.
WE ARE SO PROUD OF OUR CRAW DADS AND OUR CHOWDER.
MASSACHIPPISSIPPI WILL RISE AGAIN.
FORGET THE ODDS.
LAST NIGHT, KASICH WAS THE MAN OF THE HOUR, STANDING TALL AT
HIS VICTORY RALLY.
THERE HE IS, THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN POSSIBLY STOP DONALD TRUMP.
THE GOVERNOR-- AND HE'S GONE.
AND HE'S GONE.
SO WITH KASICH SWALLOWED IN A STORM OF CONFETTI, THERE'S ONLY
ONE CANDIDATE LEFT WHO CAN STOP DONALD TRUMP.
AND HIS NAME IS TED CRUZ.
OOOH!
OOOOH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE HERE'S THE DEAL, MATHEMATICALLY CRUZ IS THE ONLY
GUY REMAINING WHO CAN BEAT DONALD TRUMP, AND HE'S GOT A
MESSAGE FOR EVERY OTHER REPUBLICAN.
>> I WOULD INVITE YOU TO JOIN US TO COME TOGETHER.
WE WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS.
COME JOIN US.
WE WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS.
WE WOULD WELCOME YOU TO OUR TEAM.
WE WOULD WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS.
WE WELCOME YOU TO OUR TEAMS.
WE WELCOME YOU WITH WELCOME AND OPENING ARMS.
>> Stephen: YES, COME.
YES, COME, DON'T RESIST, CHILDREN.
I WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS.
SHHH!
HERE, HAVE SOME BUTTERSCOTCH.
I'M YOUR FATHER NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND IF TED CRUZ IS RIGHT, IF EVERY SINGLE ANTI-TRUMP VOTER
UNITES BEHIND HIM, HE COULD GET.
ENOUGH DELEGATES TO BE THE NOMINEE.
THEN THE G.O.P. ESTABLISHMENT CAN SAY, GOODBYE, CANDIDATE WE
DON'T LIKE.
HELLO, CANDIDATE WE CAN'T STAND.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IF CRUZ CAN'T DO IT, THERE
IS ONE OTHER WAY TO DENY TRUMP THE NOMINATION: A BROKERED
CONVENTION.
YOU SEE, WHEN A CANDIDATE WINS A PRIMARY, HE WINS DELEGATES
WHO ARE COMMITTED TO HIM AT THE PARTY CONVENTION, BUT ONLY FOR
THE FIRST BALLOT.
SO IF DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T GET 1,237 DELEGATES IN THE FIRST
ROUND OF VOTING, THEY'RE ALL FREE IT ON VOTE FOR WHOEVER.
GREAT NEWS.
THE REPUBLICAN CAMPAIGN COULD START ALL OVER AGAIN-- ONLY THIS
TIME CRAMMED INTO A WEEK.
SO YOU CAN BINGE WATCH THE DEATH OF THE G.O.P.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) , OF COURSE,--
OF COURSE, REPUBLICANS DON'T LIKE CALLING IT A BROKERED
CONVENTION.
THEY HAVE A MUCH NICER NAME.
>> FROM AN R.N.C. PERSPECTIVE, WE'RE GOING TO CONTINUE TO
PREPARE FOR ALL CONTINGENCIES, INCLUDING AN OPEN CONVENTION.
>> I THINK IT'S AN OPEN CONVENTION.
>> WE COULD HAVE AN OPEN CONVENTION.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, NOT BROKERED, OPEN.
JUST LIKE, "HONEY, WE DON'T HAVE A BROKEN MARRIAGE.
WE HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND I KNOW WE NEVER DISCUSSED
IT, BUT IT'LL SPICE THINGS UP TO BRING IN AN OUTSIDER.
AND I THINK WE'LL END UP TRUSTING EACH OTHER EVEN MORE.
STRONGER.