Another good
way to offer choices is grandma's law.
When you then you. Grandma would say to us, when you eat your vegetables and chicken
then you may have a piece of the pie that I baked you.
And so when you then you has taken
the stress out of tons of homes it should never be
if you then you if and that's what if parents do use some form of this,
They do
if you then you. If you do your homework, if you do your chores,
that says to the child, mom and dad don't believe in me.
They don't have confidence in me.
I say to you, Mom and Dad, if you apply
these ideas, then you may be an effective parent.
I'm not sure that you're going to apply the ideas because I said if. When I say
to you, mom and dad, when you apply these ideas,
you will lovingly discipline your child
to become a godly, responsible adult one day, I know you're going to do it.
It's just a matter of when.
So some examples would be to a child
when you take out the trash, then you may watch TV.
When you do your homework then you may play outside. When you clean your room,
then you may do video games.
And so when you then you takes all the stress out of parenting
and helps your child become self-confident and a good decision-maker.
Probably the most popular idea
in terms of loving discipline is a time out.
Very popular.
Great idea.
Parents know how to do time out.
You know, no distractions.
Put a child in an isolated place.
Show them unconditional love afterwards.
You mom and dad know those ideas because time out is popular.
One of the ways that most parents use timeout, though,
is with one minute for each year of life.
So if a five year old was sent to timeout, they would go for 5 minutes
and that's fine.
If you want to use that one minute for each year of life.
What I think is more effective, though, and again, what's your goal?
Your goal is to help your child be a great decision maker to manage their life
From 18 to 100 and to be godly in their responsible decisions.
And so what I think is healthier is, let's say the child's disrespectful
you know, we use that.
I used that example a few minutes ago is to say to the child,
you decided to go to timeout because you've been disrespectful
and then ahead of time as a parent, teach a child to be able
to say, Mom, Dad, I'm sorry. I hurt you by being disrespectful.
And to ask the question, Mom and Dad, will you please forgive me?
And mom and dad can say we forgive you.
Then the child gets to leave
timeout
What did that teach
the child? Taught the child self-control.
You know that after 2 minutes he calmed down or she calmed down.
It taught the child the importance of apologizing,
forgiving for their future marriage and for their future parenting.
And it taught the child to make good decisions.
So I think you can use either one the one minute for each year of life.
But I think it's healthier to teach a child to to learn to apologize.
I'm sorry.
I was disrespectful ask for forgiveness, and then the parent can demonstrate
unconditional love and the child can leave the the timeout.
I think it's very important, mom
and dad, to help your kids understand that you're not perfect.
You know, we all make mistakes.
You know, I am an expert in marriage and parenting.
I make and have made numerous mistakes.
And so I came across a research study that found that
adults are more healthy emotionally
if they had moms and dads when they were growing up,
who would apologize to them, ask for forgiveness.
And then the children would forgive them. And
in, through the blood of Jesus Christ,
all of us as Christians are forever forgiven.
We are completely forgiven through the blood of the Lamb.
And likewise, make sure that when you make a mistake,
you're going to say to your child, I'm sorry I hurt you by making this mistake.
In fact I'll, a little self-disclosure.
I just did that the other day with our granddaughter.
I made a mistake and said, I am so very sorry, I made a mistake.
Grandpa was wrong.
And I asked her, will you please forgive me?
And she said, Grandpa, I forgive you.
And that is going to help her as a parent one day.
It's going to help her as a wife.
And so kids that learn those three parts to the apologizing,
forgiving process I'm sorry I hurt you requesting forgiveness.
Will you please with a please, will you please forgive me?
And then the offended party coming back and saying I forgive you.
That makes a world of difference in your parent child relationship.
That will strengthen your parent child relationship when you apologize to them
because you're going to have your kids apologize to you to help them
understand the importance that forgiveness is at the heart of our Christian faith.
It's the reason we go to heaven one day for eternal life with our loving God.
And so that forgiveness needs to be at the heart of your parent child relationship
as well.