WHO DOESN'T LOVE DONALD TRUMP'S DOCTOR.
THEORETICALLY HIS PERSONAL DOCTOR, DOCTOR HAROLD M
BORNSTEIN, THE GUY WHO PUT OUT THE INSANE LETTER DURING
THE CAMPAIGN.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PUT A LETTER OUT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.
DONALD TRUMP IS ONE OF THE OLDEST MEN TO EVER RUN FOR
PRESIDENT, I BELIEVE HE WILL BE THE OLDEST PERSON TO EVER TAKE
OFFICE, SO PEOPLE WERE CONCERNED ABOUT HIS HEALTH.
SO BACK IN THE DAY, DOCTOR BORNSTEIN LOVED THIS LETTER
ABOUT HIS HEALTH, THAT HE WAS PLEASED THAT OVER THE PAST
39 YEARS DONALD TRUMP HAS HAD NO MAJOR HEALTH CONCERNS.
HE HAD A MEDICAL EXAM THAT ONLY SHOWED POSITIVE RESULTS.
AT THIS POINT YOU COULD SAY, I GUESS IT SHOWS NO PROBLEMS,
GOD BLESS.
WAIT.
"RESULTS WERE ASTONISHINGLY EXCELLENT."
WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?
THERE'S ONLY TWO PEOPLE I KNOW, DONALD TRUMP, AND DONALD
TRUMP'S DOCTOR.
HE WENT ON TO SAY, "HIS PHYSICAL STRENGTH AND STAMINA ARE
EXTRAORDINARY."
AND THEN MY BABYLON, "IF ELECTED, MISTER TRUMP, I CAN
STATE UNEQUIVOCABLY, WILL BE THE HEALTHIEST INDIVIDUAL EVER
ELECTED TO THE PRESIDENCY."
LIKE DUDE, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
DID YOU EXAMINE JAMES MADISON?
WERE YOU WITH THE DARK HORSE CANDIDATE JAMES POPE?
HOW WOULD YOU EVER KNOW?
AND THEN WE FOUND LATER, WHEN HE WROTE THAT LETTER, AND YOU
KNOW HOW WE FOUND OUT?
HE ADMITTED IT, BORNSTEIN SAID INTERVIEW, DONALD TRUMP WAS
DOWNSTAIRS WAITING IN A LIMOUSINE AND I HAD TO
WRITE IT IN FIVE MINUTES.
HE JUST WROTE, ASTONISHINGLY EXCELLENT, WHATEVER ELSE
YOU NEED MISTER TRUMP, HOW MUCH AM I GETTING PAID?
APPARENTLY HIS WIFE DURING ONE OF THESE ILL-ADVISED INTERVIEWS
TRIED TO CUT OFF THE INTERVIEW AND THREATENED TO CALL THE COPS.
THE PROBLEM IS THE PERSON ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS ñ
THE PROBLEM IS IN THE PERSON ASKING THE QUESTIONS, IT'S
THE PERSON ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
TAKE A LOOK AT DOCTOR HAROLD BORNSTEIN.
IF YOU HAD TO GUESS WHAT TRUMP'S DOCTOR LOOKED LIKE, WHAT
YOU KIND OF GUESS THIS GUY?
ANYWAY, HE'S IN THE NEWS AGAIN.
THEY ASKED HIM ñ AGAIN, TRUMP IS GOING TO BE FAIRLY OLD, GOING IN
HERE, HE'S IN THE 70S ñ WELL, HE
TALKED TO STAT MAGAZINE, WHICH IS AN APPROPRIATE NAME FOR
A MEDICAL MAGAZINE, AND THEY EXPLAINED, "BORNSTEIN ALSO
SAID THAT ASIDE FROM TRUMP BEING SLOWLY OVERWEIGHT, HE'S
NEVER FOUND ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE PRESIDENT-ELECT, AND
HAD NOTHING TO SHARE ABOUT HIS CONDITION."
THAT'S A CURIOUS WAY OF PUTTING IT, NOTHING TO SHARE.
HE THEN WENT ON TO EXPLAIN A LITTLE FURTHER, WHERE HE
HAS DONE MORE DAMAGE.
HE SAYS, "STRANGELY ñ -" THEY ARE NOW EXPLAINING THE
INTERVIEW, "BORNSTEIN CONTEXTUALIZED THIS BY
CLAIMING THAT NO ONE KNEW RONALD REAGAN HAD PRE-SENILE DEMENTIA
FROM HIS ALZHEIMER'S UNTIL HE WAS ALREADY OUT OF OFFICE."
HE SAYS, "I MEAN SERIOUSLY, DID THEY SHED AT ONE WITH YOU, OR
DID NANCY REAGAN JUST COVER IT
UP?"
BUT WAIT, ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT YOU'RE COVERING SOMETHING UP?
THIS GUY IS SO STRANGE, BUT WE ARE NOT EVEN DONE.
BORNSTEIN SAID THAT TRUMP, "IS THAT OLD MAN THE WAY MY
GRANDFATHER WAS AN OLD MAN."
OH.
OH, WELL THAT WILL EXPLAIN IT.
I'M STILL REASSURED.
THIS GUY IS HIS DOCTOR AND HE'S LIKE, I DON'T KNOW I DID A
MEDICAL EXAM ON HIM, I DON'T KNOW WHEN, AND HE DIDN'T
SEEM LIKE MY GRANDFATHER, SO I THINK WE'RE COVERED.
AND REMEMBER, I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SHARE, LIKE THE REAGAN'S.
[WINK]
IT'S GOING TO GET WORSE.
THEY ASKED HIM ABOUT HILLARY CLINTON, WHO HE OF COURSE
HAS NEVER EXAMINED.
HE SAYS, "SHE'S AN OLD LADY.
SHE'S AN OLD LADY.
IT'S FUNNY, ISN'T IT?"
WHAT?
EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS FUNNY, BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING THERE.
HERE COMES THE KILLER.
THEY SAID LOOK, WE'VE GOT TO KNOW, HE'S THE PRESIDENT,
WHAT IF HE DIES IN OFFICE?
IT'S A SERIOUS ISSUE, THAT'S WHY WE WANT TO KNOW ABOUT HIS
MEDICAL CONDITIONS.
BORNSTEIN SAYS, "IF THAT HAPPENS TO HIM, THAT IT HAPPENS TO HIM.
IT'S LIKE ALL THE REST OF US, NO?
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE A VICE PRESIDENT AND A SPEAKER OF
THE HOUSE AND A WHOLE LINE OF PEOPLE.
THEY CAN JUST KEEP DYING."
WH-WHAT?!
I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH DONALD TRUMP.
I MEAN, HIS MEDICAL CONDITIONS ARE THE LEAST OF MY
PROBLEMS, BUT THIS IS HIS DOCTOR SAYING, IF HE DIES HE DIES,
THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT A VICE PRESIDENT FOR.