I'm Gavin Hanes and I'm a Scorpio
astrology has been helping people figure
out who they should be having sex with
for the past four thousand years women
born in June will find their greatest
happiness under the signs of Capricorn
and Libra one of their signs tell us
about this I'm John Dee advising
Elizabeth the first - Ronnie Reagan's
White House astrologer Joan Quigley it's
a global cult with its own superstars
like us astrology sweetheart Susan
Miller
hello Scorpio I bet you don't expect all
the goodies that the universe has cooked
up for you
Oh South America's Liberace of astrology
Walter Mercado the legend is buck Phil
the best
psychics know are the best prices me I
still had no idea who I should be having
sex with single people seem like the
easiest prey but perhaps a short course
of astrology would help me resolve
things if nothing else I could figure
out why so many still found it so
appealing astrology that is
back in Britain given how the moon seems
to be turning the color of blood here
since brexit this seemed like a good
place to start hunting omens to get a
grip on the state of astrology today
I've come to Chyzyk to meet a kind of
astrologer Harrods would sell you
Caroline Faulkner is Harrods in-house
astrologer the one the shakes in the
Russian oligarchs haven't speed up when
they run into a Leo going berserk for a
little over 150 pounds an hour you too
can indulge in herself created specialty
of dynamic astrology which of course is
better than astrology just sort of
flopping about she also sells their own
range of perfumes on the Harrods website
a star sense and has helped in designing
Astra nutritive skincare sessions for
the likes of Dolce & Gabbana if it was
good enough for the enemies of Elton
John it must be good enough for me
you're the astrologer for Harrods I am I
have worked with some international
royalty I've worked with millionaires
and I've worked with them people who
have absolutely nothing so could you
just talk me through maybe how we read
our natal charts all you need to find
out is your Sun Sign your rising sign
which is determined by the time you were
born
and your moon sign needle charts are
serious astrology
based on place and time of birth they
don't just take into account the classic
newspaper horoscopes Sun sign Taurus or
whatever but also all the little fiddly
planets rising and falling around it and
you're going to draw my chart today are
you this is your your full chart here
okay because you've got Sagittarius
rising your rising sign governs your
direct personality Carolina laid it on
with an elegant gold encrusted Herod
spoon she told me that I was wonderful
creative an impish spirit by turns
serious and playful that I should go
after my dreams worry less and live more
if you've got a good sense of timing but
you can sometimes disempower people very
quickly with your smarts okay yeah with
me all great advice also available at a
range of lower-cost motivational posters
at her price per insight it was also
great that she was smiling and buttering
me up when she gave it but would cheap
advice be any less effective in an age
that has brought us the scientific
wonders of the atom bomb and the face
swap app what is the man in the streets
still getting from astrology why is
astrology not in a way it helps
you make decisions if you read something
about what will happen what should
happen did you first become aware of a
star sign when somebody said something
about my star sign that I liked you know
because you don't believe in star signs
unless somebody says oh yeah your star
sign you guys rule like really
really intelligent and then you're like
you know what I am intelligent star
science do have a little bit truth to
them I mean do you think there's any
point in it I think it's a lot of a for
comfort like I don't have any direction
in my life so I'm gonna read this and go
with that do you know anyone who really
believes in astrology
most of my friends my family they
believe in science they believe in God
they believe in astrology they believe
in most of things and I think it's quite
contradictory
I think there's anything wrong with
doing something up is for fun I
certainly wouldn't take anything like
that seriously
you know like stones are healing hours
or what the sky says about your future
Caroline didn't tell me that I'd meet a
shaggy eccentric stranger in a moon
Baddeck shirt but I still thought I'd
keep my next appointment with Barry the
30 pounds a chart owner of the Covent
Garden astrology shop come on out speak
English yeah I speak astrology as I only
spoke English I pulled up google
translator my phone while he read in my
charts what we need to do is though
where the planets were when you were
born and which way yes was facing so the
first thing I see when I put up the
chart Neptune is rising
you had big pressure mode and you got
huge secret but we know your emotional
we know your deep you're one of the most
sensitive caring people in the world
until you see yourself as the Guardian
the custodian of an ancient knowledge
then epsilon societies yet couldn't
always work out whether he was actually
oblivious of others or maybe more
connected than anyone but as he's some
Age of Aquarius very aggressively at me
then told me about how he predicted his
own mother's death I figured whatever he
was getting out of astrology it was
pretty strong juice trained to be an
astrologer even deep understanding of
people's psychology and what makes some
work
Barry was right I'd come across a range
of astrologers in my research who were
leveraging their understanding a
psychology by working as astrological
life coaches a lot of positive stuff in
the astrology this week let me tell you
love and money are the same energy and
it's really appropriate to talk about it
when we're in Taurus and Scorpio when
Neptune hits the Saturn it might feel
like the rug is being pulled out from
underneath you I was having ongoing
problems with my head as well as my
really shitty mercury so I made contact
with a woman who could help me balance
them all at 200 pounds a session she was
even more expensive than Harrods and a
hundred miles from London but visiting
just had to answer I drove down
impossibly long before psychotherapy
astrology was one of the oldest lenses
by which humanity could focus on the
self
I'm here to see an astro life coach what
sorts of problems two people come to you
with Oh
everything from relationship breakups to
work problems to existential crisis and
what you generally advise them I never
give advices well got my charts to hand
and let's for summation wisdom out okay
is there an area that you're dealing
with at the moment in your life that you
would like more clarity or perspective
once I pondered whether now was a good
time to tell her about how my head had
led me into hanging around outside
Lamaze classes looking for single
pregnant women I could seduce Berta I
decided to keep it vague um I mean I
think I struggle with commitment that's
what I see in your chart hey your
scorpio is a freedom
a freedom lover can we just pause for a
second have your emotions ever led you
to do something um wise can't say they
have I mean what are we talking here
that's very right can we pause again
sure you're a genie was sort of regular
tricky one I'm not a tricky you're a
tricky one I've been yeah Villa
Rosser I need I need to sort of thrash
it out for a bit longer to to get to
because what's happening is recycling a
little bit which is fine
Helen seem to be leading me deeper and
deeper into my problems but never quite
got round to leading me out by the end I
was confused she was confused I wasn't
even sure when problems entirely were
anymore and I felt like maybe combining
astrology and life coaching was about as
good an idea as combining assault rifle
hunting and DMT despite my best intent
every version of the genre I'd so far
investigated had felt like interacting
with a slightly calamitous children's
magician so I decided that maybe a man
with a really big telescope could clear
this up once and for all
astronomy sounds a lot like astrology
but according to dr. John Mason curator
at the South Downs planetarium they're
actually very different what's your star
sign
you tell me I'm seeing who is a Leo kind
of guy you're totally wrong Scorpio now
you're probably like a Libra and Leo or
Scorpio
well you've picked three now and you're
wrong in all through Aquarius yeah
you're wrong on four is it true that
balls are flaming gas millions of light
years away are influencing my love life
no the actual processes themselves going
on millions of light years away I'm not
going to be affecting you physically do
you think astrology could be useful even
if it isn't true I don't think it's
useful um I don't as a scientist believe
you can predict the future and I don't
think that people should be planning
their lives on the basis of something
that is mumbo-jumbo I know there are
people who won't get out of bed until
they've read this stars for the day
all the week or whatever to me that's a
tragedy and a fab thing okay you
mentioned tests there have been tests
done about the the proof or otherwise of
astrology do you know a few there have
been a few scientific dominations done
on looking at people's characteristics
and trying to match them to some sign
astrology you show me any physical
experiment that'll pick them up and then
I might believe in them and the fact is
that all the scientific tests that have
astrology that have been done have come
up with nothing dr. Mason was right of
course and he could prove it with
science astrology could only prove it
with the far off arcs of planets but
then for all the esoteric wingdings I've
been subjected to it was at least true
that astronomy couldn't tell us why we
were here
any more than astrology could I'd
learned that maybe even the smartest
amongst us needs to stop being so smart
sometimes and a little bit more magic
into our lives
it may not be reasonable Camela be
rational but look around you when was
the universe ever reasonable or rational
for all our LinkedIn endorsements we're
still Apes swirling on a rock we've come
a long way but despite our smugness
there's still a beauty to be had in
remembering that genetically we're
exactly the same life-form who gazed up
in baffled or stars some four thousand
years ago and made up stories about them