-When it comes to positive parenting there are five tips that every parent should actually do.
-All five of these tips are going to help you to be a more positive parent. The last one will
actually give you authority. -We put this one first because it may be the most important and maybe the
most difficult and that is to learn to do your own self-regulation. -Meaning, your emotions
primarily. -It's so hard sometimes as parents we come into you know, I always tell people
parenting would be so easy if you could hit every situation fully rested on a good day's sleep and
feeling great, right? -Fantasyland. -So, we really have to get good about regulating ourselves emotionally.
-Right, we get tipped over by the behaviors that our kids are doing or that are not meeting our
expectations or whatever it is. In fact, our still our most popular video here on the channel is
how to get your kids to listen without yelling and I think it affects all of us. There's
a reason why we get tipped over. I think one of the most powerful things that you can do
to accomplish this is first to be aware that it's happening. -And well and I was going to say
I think even sometimes recognizing that you know I'm going to be great at this half the time and
I'm not going to be so good at it the other half of the time. So that when you do show up maybe a
little bit less than ideal the way you would like to you go, "Huh, that didn't go as well. I'm going to
do better." Because if you're sitting there beating yourself up out about it the whole time about just
being an average a normal parent an average parent today. Instead of the great parent you wanted to
be right or even you were not a very good parent today. If you're beating yourself up about that you
come back at it from kind of a place of negativity or guilt or whatever and you don't show up as well.
So even if you can learn how to self-regulate and and be okay with the times that you aren't
at your very best and just recognize it accept it and then be regulated so you can go, "Okay,
I'm gonna do different next time." One of my friends put it this way and I love this
she said, "Do the best you can with what you've got some of the time."
-I let yourself off the hook a little bit. -That gives us a little breathing room here and
that's important to do because your own level of frustration will contribute.
One of the ways you're going to do this and the second important tip is to engage regularly in
parent development. Most of us don't get any formal education that prepares us for this
most important job in the world. That means it's up to you and I don't want to create pressure for
you around that. I just want to acknowledge that you're going to have to learn some skills and
get some ideas and consult maybe get a little bit of coaching. All of that will help you to become a
more powerful positive parent. Stick around we've still got three expert tips to cover on this video.
I just invited you to engage in regular parent development. That's why we made this channel and
this is the free version of all the training that we do for parents. Click on that subscribe button
right now. -This next tip is one of my favorites. It is to be there at the crossroads of your children.
So, I just try to think of it as when they're coming and they're going the different times that
they come and go, right? You know I had a girlfriend I actually I tried this for a while but it didn't
fit my personality style. But she would always stand on the porch and watch their car leave until
they're completely gone and the kids knew that mom would always be back in the rearview mirror.
I tried it a few times but it doesn't fit my personality and that's okay but I'm there at the
other crossroads and I think that's the great part just be there at the crossroads of your children.
-Whatever when they're coming and going their big crossroads their little crossroads just be
present with them. -And I think you just nailed it with that word Vicki because
underlying this particular strategy and skill is presence being there and that takes a conscious
effort. It takes getting out of your own head a little bit. Because we all have so much that
we're tracking and you think about it think about everything that you have to keep track of and it's
not just your kids. You've got the bills. You've got the relationship. You've got the community. There's
all kinds of things that you're thinking about and it takes a very conscious effort to track. Okay,
when is my child coming or going and how can I be physically, emotionally, mentally,
present for that. Following right along those same lines tip number four is all about making family
a priority especially in light of all of the other things that are competing for our attention.
This is a skill it's a strategy. It's something that you can develop and learn to do. It's also extremely
important in establishing the kind of positive family culture that your children really need
to thrive. -And we can you can do this in lots of ways. You can say your brother is playing in a
game we're going to go as a family to support him for at least the first half. Even little things
like that to bring that family culture that hey, as a family we support one another. -I remember
when I was growing up my parents established the priority of family by reserving every Monday night
and we've continued this in our family too. They established every Monday night we're together as a
family. You don't schedule anything with your friends. You don't have extracurricular activities.
This is our family night and it really drove home the importance in our family culture
of family being the priority. I told you upfront that our last tip, tip number five today would help
you to establish authority and it has to do with two important factors that have to be in place in
order for you to have that authority. -You know there are a lot of parents that feel like they
have to make sure their kids are having a fun time. So they've got to be their friend. They've got to
be the you know just their buddy... But remember that you are the parent and that you're
the one driving the family bus and there's a couple of things that you need to get clear about
in order to really establish that authority and they are. -The research backs this. First, you
have to be able to set and enforce appropriate limits. -And that goes back to earlier we just
kids really need to know that we that they are safe and so having those limits is at set and
and that you can enforce them is really important. -Now, the other part of authority has to do with
something that you actually mentioned about having fun. Because what gives you authority
is being able to set and enforce appropriate limits and being seen as a provider of good times
and good things. If you're lacking either of those you're not going to have authority with
your children. It makes sense that both of these elements are necessary. Because if you're all fun
then you're just a buddy, a friend. If you're all disciplined then you're a drill sergeant and your
kids will go goofy either way. So, it's important they might anyway. But it's important to establish
these to get your authority as a parent and that way you can continue to drive that family bus.
You've got these tips. We're not going to leave you hanging because there's so much
more that we can do to support you. The next thing you'll want to watch is five powerful
secrets for teaching children responsibility. Cue that one up next and I'll see you there.