-Thank you so much for coming back.
-Oh, thank you for having me. -We love having you.
Really, you're one of my favorite guests and people...
-Thank you.
-Favorite humans to talk to, even.
A very fascinating person, I find, you.
-Well, the night's still young.
[ Laughter ]
-How were -- How were your holidays?
Did you have a happy holiday?
-I was sick the whole break, literally.
-Were you really? -Yeah.
-Do you get sick --
-I mean, I feel terrible saying that, but really, truly,
it's all part of the greater battle
that I fight with my body.
You know, it really is. -What?
-Which I'm losing every day. I really --
[ Light laughter ] -You're just losing the fight?
-[ Laughing ] I'm losing that fight.
I still think -- you know, guys never grow up.
You know, they're just like --
you reach an age where you grab the Viking horns,
and you put them on, and that's it.
That's as far as you go. -That's it.
-That's -- To me, that's as mature as a guy ever gets.
-But how do you get sick? I mean, what did you have?
-Like, girls are mature at like 11 or 12.
Guys are like in their 60s, 70s, 80s,
and they're still thinking they can, like,
"Let's lead the charge!" you know?
And I'm like that.
-You're refusing to accept that you're --
-And at a certain point, your body just says...
[ Laughter ]
"Stop, you've got to stop. You really have to stop."
-Yeah. I think -- when did you realize that that's happening?
-I don't know -- a couple of years ago.
-Yeah. You know what I didn't realize was happening to me?
When I had that one extra long, weird eyebrow hair.
[ Laughter ] It was just one.
-I've had those for years. -Oh, really?
-Yeah, yeah. -Dude it was just --
I go, "Where did this come from? This is like a 4-incher."
-Or -- you know, there's lots of them, too.
They're like multiple pairs of glasses.
-Oh, really? Yeah. -Or just like, you know,
what I'm talking about, which is, like, every break I get,
I'm like I've been let out on parole or something.
And you know, I, you know, hit the streets, ready to go.
-Hit the streets, right. -Yeah, and it's all --
-Oh, but you just get sick.
-And then, it's like, literally, within a day or two, I'm sick.
-Me too. I think your body knows that you're on break.
-You went skiing or something. -I know, but I've still --
I've had a cough -- I've had a cough for --
I'm going for the record -- I have a three-month cough.
[ Laughter ] -I got -- okay.
-I got sick. I don't think I'm sick.
-I knew -- I mean, I knew that it was coming,
because my son, who's 10 -- you know,
he was clearly sick. -Yeah.
And yet, as soon as the break started --
you know, I'm so happy to, you know, see him
and not be going to work every --
So, you know, I'm still cuddling and hugging
and snuggling and kissing and -- -Knowing that he's sick.
-I know he's sick. -Yeah.
-And I also know I'm going to get it.
You know, but it's just that stubborn sort of like hubris,
where it's just like... -"I'm stronger than this."
-"I'm invincible," you know? "I've got the...
It's my break. I've got the Viking horns."
Like, "I'm set," you know? -Yes.
-Did you -- Did you have any sushi or anything?
Did you go to any restaurants?
-Stop. You -- No, really, seriously, stop.
[ Laughter ] I mean, it's like --
-I'm just -- I'm just asking a simple question.
-No, come on. What a segue! No, no, really, but...
-I'm just asking you a simple question.
-Yes. -Did you go out for any?
-Oh, because of that night we went out for...
-Do you remember that? -Of course.
-Well, do you -- -I mean, how could I forget it?
I mean, we're the only -- -We're the only people...
-This was a huge sushi, Japanese restaurant
and a huge place... -Had you ever been there before?
-...with a massive -- a big staff of --
there must have been 75, 100 people working there that night.
Right? Or was I -- I don't know. It seemed like that.
And we were the only customers in the restaurant...
[ Light laughter ] ...for the whole night.
-And we didn't sit -- we didn't sit --
-Didn't even sit near each other, really.
-No. I didn't want to bother you,
and you didn't want to -- right?
Or did you even think about bothering me, or it didn't --
-I didn't really think whether I was a bother or not.
[ Laughter ]
-It never crossed your mind that maybe we should combine --
sit next to each other? -I did think that --
I knew that it would be better. I was on a date.
I knew it would be better if we were -- had a little distance.
-Yeah, but I'm fun. I'm a good third wheel.
I can go in and throw some jokes in there.
-But you had a pal, too.
-Oh, that's right -- I'd had a --
I was on a date, too. -Yeah. Yeah.
-No, I was there with one of our producers.
-Yeah. -But here's the best part --
so we're -- finally, I say --
-It was a huge meal that went on forever.
We were -- -And we go, "Did you have that?"
And you go, "Yes, I had that." "Did you have this thing?"
-I had everything, yes, and I had that.
-And then lots of sake and... -Whoo!
-But then you sent over a piece of sushi --
There's a sake fan out there.
-Yes. [ Laughter ]
-You sent over a piece of sushi for me and my friend. I go --
-I don't remember this part. -Yes. I do.
You sent it over, and you said, "You have to try it.
You didn't get that part?" I go, "I didn't get that."
You go, "Oh, try it. That's really good."
And your date was very nice, and she said, "Yeah, it's great."
So we ate it. I go, "That's delicious."
So I go, "Send over like two edamame beans," to you.
[ Laughter ] -I know. That's right.
-So I sent you -- I sent you two edamame beans.
-Yes, you sent me -- sent me sort of nothing.
-Yes. And then you laughed and you said, "Send them over --
you have to try the sake we're drinking -- it's really good."
-Yes, we were sending over sake, too.
-So you sent sake to me. Then you sent --
-Then it came time to leave. -Yes.
And so you -- you go, "Take care, buddy.
Good to see you," shook hands.
And I go, "Bye, pal."
You -- You go out. You leave the restaurant.
And the -- the server comes over to me,
and she goes, "That gentleman would like to thank you
for paying for his bill." [ Laughter ]
And you -- And you -- [ Cheers and applause ]
And you saluted me in the window and left.
And that was the -- that was the last time I saw you.
-Okay. Now -- Okay, so, now... -It was genius.
-In the spirit of full disclosure...
I'll tell you that -- I think last time I was here --
I don't know when -- this story got told during a break,
like a commercial break or something,
to the studio audience. -Yeah.
-And I went home and spoke to Leslie, my date that night.
And at the end of a meal, I generally go into the bathroom,
wash my hands, and stuff like that,
after finishing eating.
And so I got -- I've gone to the bathroom or whatever.
And then we'd started wandering around drinking
and having sake and everything else.
-Ah. -Okay?
I get home -- The last time I was here,
when -- when you'd sort of told the story
during a commercial break... -Yeah.
-...and I told Leslie about it,
and she said, "No, thank you very much.
You tell Jimmy I paid that bill."
It was also the most expensive meal we had ever had.
-It really was insane. -It was...
-Tell me about it. I'm the one who paid for it.
-I sp-- I mean, catastrophically...
-You didn't even pay for it. It was the most expensive thing.
How would you know?! -Catastrophically expensive.
Leslie knows.
-How would you know how expensive it is?
You -- -'Cause she told me.
-You saluted me... -She told me.
-...in through the window... -She told me.
-...like a magical, like, Santa Claus...
-So here's what I -- here's what I think...
[ Laughter ] Here's what I think happened.
-...and disappeared into the night.
-Here's what I think happened.
So I think we finished the meal.
She paid the bill
while you and I are walking around the restaurant drinking.
I continue to order sake, as did you.
-Yeah.
-And I may have stuck you for the drinks bill.
-[ Laughs ] That's --
you're only admitting to the drinks part?
-Yeah. I think that's what happened.
Because she paid an astronomical bill
that -- that was put down in front of her.
-This was an odd place, wasn't it?
-It was a very odd place. -Yeah.
-I feel badly, actually,
and especially now, telling this story now,
I feel badly. We've never gone back.
I think it would be a nice thing to go back
maybe for lunch or something, when --
I've heard from other people who I know who eat there
that you go back for lunch,
and it's considerably more reasonable.
[ Light laughter ]
Hey, you want to meet for lunch?
-Yeah, I'd love to meet you for lunch.
Of course. -On you.
[ Laughter ]
-Thank you very much. Of course.