( APPLAUSE )
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
RIGHT THERE.
THTHAR SHE BLOWS.
THERE IT IS.
JON, JON, I WANT TO GIVE IT UP FOR YOU AND THE BAND AGAIN FOR
THE SONG WE ALL DID LAST NIGHT ♪ ALL MY FRIENDS ARE VACCINATED
>> THE "FOUR EXCUSES" SONG.
IT'S BLOWING UP.
IS THIS TRUE?
IT CRASHED THE SERVERS.
IT CRASHED THE NETWORK.
YEAH, THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING ON AFTER CORDON.
THAT'S THE LATEST WE BROADCAST LAST NIGHT.
>> Jon: YEAH, BABY.
>> Stephen: CHECK IT OUT IF YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED IT OUT YET.
IT'S HEALED A NATION.
>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND TONIGHT, TOO.
WE HAVE TWO FANTASTIC GUESTS.
I'M LOOKING AT THE CARDS.
THE ACTUAL QUESTIONS I'LL BE ASKING CHRIS WALLACE, FOX NEWS
SUNDAY HOST, AND HOLLAND TAYLOR.
INCREDIBLE ACTRESS WILL BE OUT HERE TONIGHT.
>> Jon: IT'S GOING TO BE INCREDIBLE.
>> Stephen: EVERY NIGHT, IT'S ALWAYS INCREDIBLE.
FOLKS, RECENTLY I'VE NOTICED THAT I'M NOT ABLE TO COMMUNICATE
WITH MY YOUNGER PEERS AS EASILY AS I USED TO.
AND THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME.
A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO, I HAD TO LEARN ABOUT THE KIDS' HOT NEW
WORD: CHEUGY.
GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THAT ONE.
AND IT IS DELICIOUS.
I THINK.
BUT NOW, I'M HAVING A NEW PROBLEM, AND THAT'S TEXTING WITH
YOUNG PEOPLE.
AND I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN MY NEW SEGMENT:
"STEPHEN COLBERT PRESENTS: THAT'S YEET.
DABBING ON FLEEK, FAM!"
TODAY'S TOPIC IN THE GENERATIONAL HOLY WAR: EMOJIS.
NOW, YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT A SMILEY FACE MEANS?
WELL, THINK AGAIN, CBS VIEWER.
BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THAT SMILEY EMOJIS NOW MEAN DIFFERENT
THINGS TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WHAT?
THAT MAKES ME SO CRYING FACE EMOJI.
OR DOES IT?!
THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW ANYMORE!
BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THAT PEOPLE OVER 30 USE EMOJIS TO CONVEY
WHAT THE IMAGES ALWAYS DID, BUT YOUNGER "DIGITAL NATIVES" MIGHT
ASCRIBE SARCASTIC MEANINGS TO THEM.
SO, WHILE I THINK IT'S TOTES CHILL TO SEND A SMILEY FACE IN A
TEXT, FOR MANY TEENS AND 20-SOMETHINGS, A SMILEY
FACE POPPING UP IN A TEXT OR EMAIL IS SEEN AS PATRONIZING OR
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE.
OKAY, THIS IS WHY I USE EMOJIS THAT HAVE ONLY ONE POSSIBLE
MEANING, LIKE WHEN MY WIFE IS OUT SHOPPING AND I REMIND HER WE
NEED EGGPLANTS...
PEACHES...
AND BOTTLED WATER.
BUT--
>> Jon: OH, MAN.
>> Stephen: GOTTA KEEP A LIST.
VERY IMPORTANT.
KEEP A LIST.
BUT SOME EMOJIS HAVE MULTIPLE MEANINGS NOW.
TAKE THE COWBOY EMOJI.
FOR US OLDIESS, IT CAN SIGNIFY A SPECIAL BRAND OF QUIRKY, GIGGLY
HAPPINESS, WHILE FOR MANY GEN Z, IT MEANS THE SENDER IS
PUTTING ON A FRONT, SMILING ON THE OUTSIDE WHILE DYING ON THE
INSIDE.
AND IT BEING A COWBOY, I ASSUME IT'S INTERNAL HEMORRHAGING AFTER
BEING TRAMPLED.
( LAUGHTER )
WRITING TEAM OF YOUNGLINGS TO BRING ME UP TO SPEED.
NOW, HERE TO HELP ME WITH MY MARICOPA MOJO IS MY 20-SOMETHING
WRITER, FELIPE TORRES MEDINA.
FELIPE?
FELIPE, AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY HI?
>> I DID.
I TEXTED YOU.
( LAUGHTER )
OF AN EGGROLL.
>> RIGHT.
HI!
( LAUGHTER )
I RECENTLY GOT A TEXT FROM ONE OF MY KIDS, AND I DON'T GET IT.
IT SAYS, "HI, DAD.
WIDGEY KISS EMOJI, BICEP EMOJI, AIRPLANE SEAT EMOJI.
WHAT IS THAT?
>> OH, THAT'S EASY.
THE WINKY KISS MEANS LOVE.
I THINK.
AND THE BICEPS IS WAVING, BUT LIKE, STRONGLY WAVING?
UNLESS THEY'RE BEING SARCASTIC?
>> Stephen: FELIPE, ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW HOW TO READ THESE
EMOJIS LIKE YOUNG PEOPLE?
>> YEAH, I'M YOUNG.
I'M 20-SOMETHING.
( LAUGHTER )
>> SOMETHING.
( LAUGHTER )
>> NOT FOR TWO MORE MONTHS.
I HAVE 55 DAYS TO BE YOUNG AND COOL.
I CAN MIDDLE PART.
I KNOW WHAT EMOJIS MEAN.
I DON'T WANNA DIE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: OKAY, LISTEN, LISTEN, CALM DOWN.
I'M GOING TO NEED A REAL GEN Z PERSON.
>> DID SOMEBODY SAY WRITERS' ASSISTANT, CARA WASHINGTON?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT, CARA, THANK YOU.
CAN YOU HELP US DECIPHER THESE EMOJIS?
>> UH, NO.
FOR GEN Z, EMOJIS ARE SO CHEUGY.
WE DO THIS NEW THING.
YOU, LIKE, DIAL THESE NUMBERS, AND THEN YOUR FRIENDS PICK UP ON
THE OTHER END, AND THEN YOU USE WORDS FROM YOUR FACE TO D.M.
INTO THEIR EAR IN REAL TIME.
YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.
( LAUGHTER )
A PHONE CALL?
>> IT'S CALLED MOUTH TEXTING, GRANDPA.
>> MOUTH TEXTING?
OKAY, ZOOMER.
>> Stephen: MY STAFF WRITER AND YOUTH CORRESPONDENT, GLENN
EICHLER?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I'M ALL ABOUT PERCUSSIVE TE11 ME.
I JUST SLAMMED YOU SO HARD, YOU'D NEVER UNDERSTAND.
>> OH, MY GOD, THAT IS SO EGG ROLL.
YOUNG PEOPLE, EVERYBODY.
THEY MUST BE DESTROYED.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHRIS WALLACE