- I got a weird one.
- Oh yeah? Wait. How weird?
- Weird.
In high school, I became friends
with these two kind of bitchy girls.
- That was so good!
- That was so mean. He cried.
- Yeah, but that's so funny.
- ADULT NORA: We prank called takeouts and 911, mortuaries.
- I dare you to prank
a phone sex hotline.
- A phone sex hotline? - Yeah.
- I thought that was for people 18 or older.
Doesn't that cost money?
- No, not at all.
- No? - No.
- Okay, yeah. Oh yeah, I'll do it.
- [dials] - Yeah.
- [phone rings] - WILMA: Well, hello.
Welcome to Warm the Bed with Wilma.
- Hi, is your refrigerator running?
- WILMA: Oh, say that again, stud.
- [giggling]
- Is your refrigerator running?
- WILMA: Are you prank-calling me right now?
- No.
- WILMA: Take me off speaker for a sec.
- [giggles]
- WILMA: Now, look, kid.
You're not my first prank caller.
But, I don't know, I can hear from your voice your friends
kind of forced you to do this, and that's okay.
I'll take care of it. Just put me back on speaker.
You asked if my refrigerator is running?
- Yeah. - WILMA: It is.
- ALL: Well, you better go and catch it!
- [laughs]
- WILMA: Do you think this is funny,
you little pieces of shit?
- She said shit! - You're a piece of shit.
- [laughter]
- That's so good, Nora.
- ADULT NORA: No one ever had my back like that.
- Wait, how much a minute was this?
- Not a lot. Like, $30 a minute.
- What?
- We'd only talk in 4-hour increments.
- Jesus Christ!
I mean--that explains the phone bill that I have not yet
financially recovered from.
- Dad, is this story night or guilt night?
Anyway, I called her back.
- You got her home number, right?
- No, just still on hotline.
- Holy shit, do I look like Con Edison to you?
- NORA: I let you finish.
I even let Doug kind of finish the Thad one!
- Sorry.
- We ended up getting pretty close.
Is it normal for my period to last 11 or more days?
And, do you think you could lose your virginity
to a super plus tampon? Because they're humongous.
- WILMA: Nora, don't stress. Just make sure you eat well
and keep hydrated during your period.
And no, a tampon shouldn't.
But here's a fun tip: when peeing,
go ahead and pull that string towards your butthole.
Not too hard so it slips out.
- Oh man, that's genius. I hadn't even thought of that.
Puberty sucks, Wilma.
Like, my friends make fun of me 'cuz I don't shave my legs.
My gym teacher had mentioned that if--if--when you do start
shaving your legs super young, they grow back real coarse like
Tom Selleck's butthole hair, you know?
- WILMA: You don't need to shave if you don't wanna shave!
I know a lot of guys who like natural beauties anyway.
- Do you not shave?
- WILMA: Oh, no, my vagina's balder than an eagle.
Looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin's foreskin.
- Oh, cool. I love him.
Um, happy holidays.
- WILMA: Happy holidays to you, honey.
- I love you, Wilma. - WILMA: I love you too, Nora.
Don't forget to yank that tampon out.
It's been, like, six hours.
- Oh yeah. No, I won't.
- WILMA: Bye, baby. - Bye.
- So you talked to a total stranger about your period?
- Sounds like you were having an affair with a phone sex operator
while you were in high school.
You a G, Nora. That's some good shit.
- No, it wasn't sexual, like, at all.
- Yeah, right.
It wasn't sexual talking to a phone sex operator?
Every day? - Every day.
- It wasn't sexual, Doug.
- Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.
- I just wanted a mom!
- GRANDMA: Hey! I finally got a signal!
It's snowy, but I got the Spice Channel! Ha, ha!
- Okay, it's time for me to go.
- ♪