Please welcome Ricky Gervais!
(cheers and applause)
Oh.
-Thank you. -Welcome back to the show.
-Pleasure to be here. -You're doing so many things, Ricky.
-You're doing a Netflix special. -Yeah.
-You're doing... like, it's 130-day tour. -Yeah.
You're doing stand-up, you're doing a TV show.
-You're doing a Sirius XM thing. -Yeah, I'm (bleep) exhausted.
-Yeah, it gets worse. -(laughter)
Then why are you doing so many things, Ricky?
I-I don't know. I just...
They're all sitting down, though, aren't they?
I'm only here 'cause I can sit down.
-You know what I mean? -(laughter)
Even this, I had to sort of get ready and get washed, and...
The-the kids thing-- I'm sitting in a room.
You know, Netflix.
Um, stand-up-- that's the tricky one,
'cause I am actually standing up.
I'm gonna change that. I'm gonna do a sit-down tour next.
-(laughter) -I'm too old now. It's just I...
-You're not old. -Oh, I am.
You-- you're all, "Ooh!" Your suit, and "Let's go!"
And I'm going "(bleep) no, I can't."
-(laughter) -I mean, I just...
Oh, I can't. I can't be bothered with it.
I'm-I'm not... I'm not gonna live long enough
to spend the money I've made now, so, what's the point?
-(laughter) -Why am I doing this?
What's the point? Do you know what I mean?
Well, I feel like the point is to have fun.
-Like, your new show seems like a lot of fun. -It is fun, yeah.
-'Cause it's a crazy concept. It's a game show... -It's...
...where people only win money
if the kids answer the questions correctly?
Yeah, if they get it wrong, they could be out.
But if one of the kids in that room...
And I've got to try and control them, and they don't respect me,
-which is... which is... which is good, I suppose. -(laughter)
And if one of them gets it right, they get through.
So it's a funny, funny idea, but
it's still got to compete with, is it more fun
than me sitting at home in my pants getting drunk?
-(laughter) -That's... that's a...
-Is that, like, the benchmark for fun? -It is.
Honestly, it's tough to beat that.
I turn stuff down.
I often base roles on, am I sitting down.
-Really. -(laughter)
No. When I first started in acting,
right, if there was like a... I was in the scene, right,
and the door went, you get up,
and answer the door, say, "Come in," right?
I soon learned that was a day's filming
with all the different... you know?
So, then, now I change it in the script to, I just say "Come in”"
(laughter)
You know what's crazy, Ricky, this sounds exactly what Trump's
trying to do with his presidency,
is, like, shrink it down to doing nothing,
-and sitting down. -I know.
-That's all he wants to do. -But I'm allowed to be lazy,
'cause I'm the only one that lets me down,
-not 300 million people, so... -(laughter)
I think I'm allowed to play golf more than him.
But yeah. Oh, it's off the charts.
I've never been political.
My whole life, I... I still keep it out of sort of comedy,
'cause I don't want a rally, or, you know, I think the jokes
just kind of went south, not, you know...
rely on people agreeing with you or not.
But in my private life, honestly,
I've been so political this last year.
I can't wait for him to get up and tweet.
It's like a (bleep) spoof sometimes.
Sometimes I see it, I think, "Is that...?
No, that's the real president of the United States."
Yeah, you don't know what a joke tweet is anymore.
Well, I don't know... I don't know how you can joke about...
I don't know what he can do now, where people go,
"Oh, that's too far for a president."
What does he have to do, you know?
-Whip out his dick. -(laughter)
But he's-- we wouldn't notice.
-But he's... -(laughter)
(applause, whooping)
You know.
And he's healthy now, is he?
Well, I want his doctor,
'cause then I'd be very healthy as well.
Did he get the finger, like I...?
No, I bet he didn't get the... Oh, imagine go...
They just couldn't. It was just, he's just...
-(laughter) -It looks just... a whole hamburger.
Why didn't you...?
No. But it's like... and it...
-Oh, man. -Honestly.
But it is scary, you know.
The-the... the thing in Hawaii and...
Right. People are terrified,
'cause they think a missile is coming.
But let me ask you this, though. Like, you... like, I read up
on British news, and then I'm obviously up to date
on American news, and it felt like Brexit was, like,
-the scandal of the UK. -Yeah.
Why do your things feel, like, so chilled out?
'Cause it seems like... they'll even say that:
"The Brexit... Brexit is chaotic right now."
Yeah, well, I mean, we haven't got the...
we haven't got that sort of news, really.
I mean, any one thing that Trump had done
or tweeted in the last year,
that would be the end of any politician in Britain.
They'd just go, "Sorry," and resign.
That would be the end of it-- they couldn't...
they couldn't go through... they couldn't go through it.
But I don't know, really. I suppose Brexit was
a bit of an inoculation, you know?
It got me ready for Trump getting in.
And, uh, I-I just don't... I mean, yeah.
You know the... you and North Korea, right? I say you.
-What, me and North Korea? -Yeah, I was, like...
-Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. -I'm blaming you
and all Americans, right, not just Trump.
But, um, I'm all right, 'cause I'm in England.
Because I... Don't you... You fire the other way
around the world, don't you, at each other?
If North Korea and... you don't have to come...
Just don't get in a fight with France,
'cause then you have to come over England.
I feel like you have a very optimistic view of war.
-Yeah. Yeah. -Like, "Can you shoot that way?"
That seems like such a British thing to do as well.
Like, a British person would be like, "Would you mind
"shooting around me, please, would you mind?
"I don't mind if you shoot the missile,
-just shoot around me, please." -Well, I've seen
Kim Jong-un shoot, and it's bollocks,
so he'll (bleep) miss you and hit us.
So you're just not interested, no wars and no politics,
-no nothing. -Well, I am a bit interested if it happens,
but, you know, I'd like to think
that there are so many sane people
still in the world, just it'll all be evened out.
And I don't know, I don't know what to do.
What can you do if there's a... if there's a war, that's it.
I mean, if there was a meteor heading towards Earth,
it was gonna destroy the world, right,
you'd have a few billion people pray to their god,
and a few hundred scientists would work
at how to get Bruce Willis up there and stop it.
So I rely that there's still brilliant, sane people
that will save the rest of mankind.
If you look at mankind, it's all...
it's a few brilliant ones that have advanced.
Know what I mean? The average person's
a (bleep) moron.
We should be... we should've been wiped out years ago.
But there's a few brilliant people
that work out, you know, inoculations
and all these things, so I think a few brilliant people
will save the world, so I'm chilled.
So where are you gonna sit down next?
-Where are you going? -Going to the restaurant
-and get drunk. -(laughter)
That's what I love about you, man, you keep it chill.
-Thank you. -Ricky Gervais, everybody.
Child Support airs Fridays at 8:00 p.m. on ABC,
and Netflix will release his Humanity standup special
March 13!
Ricky Gervais, everybody!