-Welcome to "The Tonight Show." I'm Jimmy Fallon.
Thanks for watching again.
Let's get to some news and jokes.
Well, guys, this was big today.
The C.E.O.s of Facebook, Amazon, Apple, and Google
all testified before a House subcommittee
over accusations that they've stifled competition
in their industry.
That's them testifying right there.
Yep, seeing the four of them together was like
the Beatles of selling your personal[ information.
[ British accent ] I am the walrus. I am you.
I have all your baby photos.
[ Normal voice ] I don't like to pass judgment,
but these guys made the cast of "The Big Bang Theory"
look like "The Avengers."
It was basically like the Super Bowl of guys
who were picked last in sports.
It was not an easy day for lawmakers.
They were like, "I'd grill you, but I need Amazon to survive,
Google knows my search history, Apple's got my texts,
and Facebook's got my drunk pics.
So we're good."
That's right -- a bunch of tech C.E.O.s testified
for hours over videoconference.
So if you thought yesterday's William Barr testimony
was exciting, then...
[ Snores ]
Yeah, the hearing was a little dull.
While Jeff Bezos was testifying, a graphic popped up that said,
"People who have viewed this testimony
also viewed paint drying."
Yeah, because of coronavirus,
the four men testified via videoconference.
It's too bad they didn't do it in person,
because they could have rolled up together in this --
the Geek Squad clown car.
I'm not sure these guys like each other,
because to get on Mark Zuckerberg's nerves,
all the other C.E.O.s made their background this.
This was actually Mark Zuckerberg's
fourth time testifying before Congress,
but you could also say that Zuckerberg has testified
900 times.
It doesn't matter. He won't fact-check it.
At one point during the hearing, Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner
questioned Zuckerberg about how Donald Trump Jr.'s
Twitter account was suspended, and it was a little awkward.
Watch this.
-It was reported that Donald Trump Jr.
got taken down for a period of time
because he put something up,
the efficacy of hydroxychloroquine.
Why did that happen?
-Congressman, well, first, to be clear,
I think you might be referring to happened on Twitter,
so it's hard for me to speak to that.
-The Congressman was like, "Um, what's the difference?"
Then the Congressman was like, "Twitter. Right, right.
So that question is for you, Jeff Bezos."
But it was a big day on Capitol Hill,
with all the most important leaders in tech
appearing to testify.
Here's what they had to say before things got started.
First, Apple C.E.O. Tim Cook said...
Then Facebook C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg said...
Then Amazon's Jeff Bezos said...
Then Clippy, the Microsoft paper clip said...
Then Tim Cook said...
Then Clippy said...
Then Zuckerberg said...
And then Clippy said...
Then Cook said...
And Clippy said...
Well, guys, President Trump held another coronavirus briefing
last night, or, as they're now being called,
"The Crazy Uncle on Facebook Hour."
During the briefing, Trump defended the doctor
he re-tweeted the other night, who said things like
some health issues are caused by having sex dreams
about demons and witches.
Yeah. Trump actually called her impressive.
Trump was like, "Of all the demon-sex doctors out there,
she's the best.
She's rated 10 out of 10 on WebMDemon."
WebMDemon. Yeah.
At this point, Trump thinks
anyone in a white coat is a doctor.
This morning, he was watching "Miami Vice"
and was taking notes.
It's like Trump is an actor doing a one-man show,
and his staff are his friends, who have to be like,
"That was...good.
Interesting choices.
Yeah. Yeah. I think what she said.
Interesting.
It was interesting and good. Good and interesting.
You pick the order."
When another reporter asked Trump a question
about Dr. Fauci, he seemed to take it kind of personally.
Listen to this.
-So, it sort of is curious.
A man works for us, with us, very closely, Dr. Fauci --
and Dr. Birx, also highly thought of --
and, yet, they're highly thought of, but nobody likes me.
It can only be my personality. That's all.
-And then Trump waited 30 minutes
for someone to say, "No, no, we love you."
Actually, right after he said that,
a voice was heard through a speaker saying,
[ Russian accent ] "Not true, Donald.
I still love you." [ Laughs ]
Did you guys see this yesterday?
When Joe Biden was at a campaign event,
someone took a photo of the notes he had in his hand,
and many people think it might have tipped
who he's picking as his V.P.
Check it out. Yeah.
It says "Kamala Harris" and then has a bunch
of compliments about her underneath.
Yeah. Trump had a similar thing happen to him
at yesterday's COVID briefing
when someone took a photo of his notes.
It says...
Let's get to some business news.
I read that Budweiser is releasing
its first-ever alcohol-free beer,
called Budweiser Zero.
Check it out.
Yeah. Well, they're already testing out some slogans.
First, there's "Budweiser Zero --
your friends will still worry about you."
Next up, there is, "Budweiser Zero --
when you want all your conversations at the party
to be, "So..."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, you got that. You got that, yeah?
And, of course, last, there is
"Budweiser Zero -- basically Coors Light."
All good options.
And, finally, some good news to cheer everyone up.
Check this out.
-A 99-year-old woman in California
is now the world's oldest flight instructor.
Robina Asti gave her final flight lesson,
and she says she wants to show that people her age
are strong, vital, and have something to contribute.
-Oh my God. I think we found Amelia Earhart.
All of her flights start the same way --
backing the plane out of the gate and running over a mailbox.
When asked who taught her, she said,
"Two nice young boys -- Orville and Wilbur."
It's a little worrisome when you get up in the air
and she looks at you and says,
"I've always wanted to take flying lessons."