hi there it's asia and today
i've prepared for you a band 9 sample
answer
to an ielts writing task 2 topic which
regularly appear in the exam both
academic
and general training this particular one
was reported just a few days ago
by the end of this video you will
develop a better understanding of what
else examiners look for and what you
need to do
in order to achieve a higher score
you will be able to download this sample
answer in the pdf format but for the
explanation
watch the video ready let's get started
here is our topic not enough
students around the world choose to
study
science subjects at university
what are the reasons for this what
impact does this issue have on society
give reasons for your answer and include
any relevant examples from your own
knowledge or experience write at least
250 words
what do ielts examiners look for
we know about it if we have a look at
the ielts band descriptors document
which
lists all the requirements and i will
show you
how my essay meets each requirement for
band nine score
okay the first criterion is called task
response
and we read you should fully address
all parts of the task
to address all parts of the task first
of all we need to determine what type of
essay it is
look at the questions we have two
and the first one is about reasons
it means we're presented with a problem
not enough students around the world
choose to study science subjects at
university
that is our problem and we need to find
reasons for this problem at least two
and then the next question is about the
impact of this problem on society we
need to say
what's the impact or how this issue
affects society how this issue affects
people so in this essay we need to cover
two areas reasons for the problem
and impact all this problem on society
and here for your own benefit i really
think that you should pause the video
and write your answer and then
watch the rest of the video and compare
your answer to mine
but i suspect you may not do that
but please prove me wrong and post your
answer in comments below
before i show you the essay i need to
show you another requirement because
only if you
know what the requirements are you'll be
able to understand
why i write the essay the way i do here
it is
and the second requirement is coherence
and cohesion
and for band 9 score you should
skillfully
manage paragraphing it means you need to
split your essay into paragraphs
logically let's read
the requirement for a band 8 as well you
should
sequence information and ideas logically
so obviously you need to do that for
band 9
2. it means we need a plan for the essay
here is mine in the first body paragraph
i'm gonna give the first reason why not
enough students
choose to study science at university
and i wanna say that
many jobs in science are dominated by
men
and women don't feel welcome there
that's why they don't study science at
university
and then i'm gonna give the impact
straight away
so what's the impact women with the
talent for science
choose to study other subjects such as
social sciences that means
economics business law psychology and so
on
and then in the second body paragraph
i'm going to give
the second reason the second idea
in the past it was difficult to get a
high pay job in science
that's why bright and ambitious young
people
choose to study other subjects in order
to get a high paid job
and what's the impact we have an
oversupply we have
too many economists and lawyers and we
don't have
enough scientists it's actually possible
to structure
your body paragraphs in a different way
we could talk about all the reasons in
the first body paragraph
and then about the impact in the second
but i've chosen to do it this way and of
course my essay is going to have an
introduction and a conclusion so let me
show you the introduction
technology is rapidly changing the lives
of
people around the world creating a high
demand for university graduates with a
background
in science however the number of
students
studying relevant subjects is well below
the required level this problem
seems to be caused by outdated
preconceptions
which determine young people's choices
today this introduction is
short and to the point and it's
important not to waste
too much time on introducing your topic
because
the main part of your essay is your body
paragraphs
do you know why well have a look at this
task response requirement
you should present a fully developed
position
in the answer to the question with
relevant
fully extended and well supported
ideas you've probably heard that you
must develop your ideas
and that's what you do in your body
paragraphs that's why they should be
relatively long
in comparison with your introduction and
conclusion so let me show you the first
body paragraph i've written i finished
the introduction
on talking about outdated preconceptions
and i
opened the first body paragraph by
saying one of those preconceptions
is that certain subjects are better
suited for men
examples of these include mathematics
computer science
technologies and other fields of
knowledge which are
totally dominated by males in recent
decades
a noticeable progress has been achieved
by many countries
in acknowledging that men and women are
equally capable in science
despite this big step towards equality
female employees may still feel
unwelcome
or in some instances face evident
discrimination in male-dominated
environments
work environments so that's the reason
why they don't choose to study science
and here is the impact as a result
many women with a natural inclination to
science
settle on studying humanities or social
science at university
depriving society of their main talent
in this body paragraph i gave the reason
my first idea and i explained what it
means
i gave some examples and supporting
points
and then i gave the impact on society
the format of this video doesn't allow
us to dig deeper
but if you want to learn more i highly
recommend enrolling in my mastering task
2
course which is much more detailed and
you will learn how to write essays
step by step and how to write each type
of essay
now let me show you the second body
paragraph
another reason for the lack of science
students spreads even
wider in the past scientists
were paid significantly less than
professionals in such prestigious areas
as business and law
therefore ambitious young people
tended to choose highly paid occupations
disregarding their aptitude for science
things have changed today jobs and
science
are among those with the highest
remuneration
but this trend is yet to be reflected in
the university application numbers
for example in the uk over half of
all international students still choose
to study for a degree in business
consequently economists around the world
are affected by an
oversupply of social science graduates
and a deficit of graduates with
technical skills
not surprisingly complaints of fresh
graduates who cannot find a job
are frequent you might have noticed
that my body paragraphs are long well
that's because
it's a band 9 essay and it's going to be
320
words long but if you are aiming to get
a band 7
your essay should be between 270
and 290 words maybe 300
because otherwise you are simply gonna
run out of time before you finish your
essay at all what i want you to pay
attention to
is how close i stay to the topic in my
body paragraphs
each sentence helps to answer the
question
because otherwise if i started talking
about
something which is irrelevant to the
topic or less relevant
it would immediately harm my task
response score
now i want to show you how to fulfill
the next
coherence and cohesion requirement use
cohesion
in such a way that it attracts no
attention
all sentences in your essay should be
linked together
each sentence should follow from the
previous one
and there are a number of ways to link
them i'm going to show you
a couple here if we look at the first
three paragraphs i mentioned outdated
preconceptions at the end of my
introduction
and i open my first body paragraph by
saying
one of those preconceptions so there is
a link
and the next body paragraph starts with
another reason for the lack of science
students
so it's immediately clear how my essay
is organized
i also used a variety of formal linking
words
i want to say that you must use a
variety of linking words or formal linky
words in your task 2 essay
and your examiner will specifically
check if you do
and naturally we don't use them so you
have to control yourself
here are all the formal linking words
i've used
however despite this
as a result therefore
for example consequently not
surprisingly
and each time i use a new linking word
i try not to repeat them so you must
learn
several linking words for each situation
and then
vary them in your essay i have a video
where you can learn all of them
and i'm gonna link it in the description
below
but basically we haven't seen the
conclusion yet right
here it is to conclude
it seems some young people still
perceive studying science as a route
towards a mediocre income from a job
where
most of one's colleagues are men thus
too many opt for a degree in social
sciences
creating an imbalanced society where
highly educated university graduates
struggle
to find a skilled job my tip is
re-read the task before writing your
conclusion to make sure
you actually answer the essay question
in my conclusion i've summarized the
reasons and the impact
without repeating my introduction or
some sentences and long phrases from my
body paragraphs
and that's how it should be for a band 9
essay
actually even for a band 7 essay you
should avoid repeating your ideas
over and over and in my course
i teach how to avoid repeating
your main ideas in the introduction body
paragraph and conclusion
but right now i want to say that a band
7 essay
in general is quite a lot simpler so
don't get scared
and let's have a look at the next
requirement it's
lexical resource or your vocabulary
and you should use for a band 9 score
you should use a wide range of
vocabulary
it means a lot of words with
very natural and sophisticated control
of
lexical features it means you should
understand exactly
what each word means and how you combine
each word with all the words around it
reminder errors occur only as slips
so basically you're allowed typos and
not
mistakes for your vocabulary
you should really aim for accuracy i'm
sorry for the noise
the neighbors have not finished their
refurbishment yet
so you should aim for accuracy because
in my essay
i haven't used any extra complex words
at all but i regularly see
that students use them and they struggle
to get a seven
so you don't need those words use
words you know well and try to avoid
repeating same words over and over again
use synonyms when you can
for example in my essay i used men
mail as a result therefore consequently
inclination aptitude talent job
occupation all these are synonyms
and i didn't try to replace words which
i
couldn't replace such as science so i
repeated it
throughout my essay and that's normal
the next criterion is grammatical range
and accuracy
and for a band 9 score you should use a
wide range of structures
with full flexibility and accuracy
it means you need to use different types
of sentences different
types of grammatical structures complex
compound sentences
i talked about them in this video and it
will be
linked in the description rare
minor errors occur only as slips
it means you should not make mistakes
for band 9 score
for band 7 score you also need to use
complex and compound and different types
of sentences
but you don't need to write sentences
which are quite as long as mine
some of your sentences will be simple
and short
and that's fine aim to write sentences
which are correct
and right now i want you to download
this sample essay in the pdf format
read it again paying attention to all
the different sentence types and
all the different things we talked about
today
and if you want to learn how to write
type 2 essays
step by step please join my mastering
task 2
course thank you for watching me today
good luck with your preparation
and your exam bye
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