MADISON: "College is the reward for surviving high school."
I read that on Pinterest but I found that to be mostly true.
CAMERON: It's SO true.
Well, if you factor out student debt and the declining value of a bachelor's degree,
then it's a hell of a reward.
High school is where puberty sprouts its awkward head.
But college is where you fully blossom.
It's the land of opportunity.
MADISON: Opportunity for countless interaction.
Think about it:
tens of thousands of people your age concentrated in one tiny campus.
You're constantly surrounded by people with different backgrounds,
CAMERON: People with similar interests,
there's opportunity to make life-long friends,
MADISON: And to make lasting memories.
Opportunity to... date,
CAMERON: And to fall in love.
MADISON: But none of this compares to the opportunity for more:
MORE in the real world.
CAMERON: Post-grad: the land of more independence,
more money, more people, more love.
And I couldn't have been more wrong.
MADISON: It's the exact opposite.
You have less money because it's all going to FICA.
CAMERON: Less independence because you move back in with your parents.
[FEMALE VOICE] Less friends because they moved back to their hometowns.
[MALE VOICE] And less interaction in general.
You know I talked to 2.5 people today,
none my age and all of them had kids.
One of them being me!
Omma! (Mom!)
And none of this helps my completely non-existent love life.
[grunts] Why didn't anybody warn me that
BOTH: post-grad sucks?
Why didn't I take advantage of college?
EARL: What did you expect?
You went from living in a place that had floor after floor of friends and females ready to mingle
to living in a place that has less than 10 people your age within a 5 mile radius,
all of whom went to high school with you,
who still remember you as the kid who shit his pants in bed.
- Hey!
I don't go to Chipotle anymore.
- God, I'm so glad I didn't go to college to get my expectations effed up.
WENDY: Mmm, I'm so glad I met Jacob in college.
Dating after college sounds dreadful.
- Yeah, I'm really happy for you too.
- You know, if you're having trouble dating,
maybe you should try Tindr?
- Maybe you should try Grindr?
I-I mean Tindr.
I always do that.
- I want more than just hookups.
WENDY: Maddie, there's so much more to online dating than just casual sex these days.
A ton of people find love on the apps.
[mutters] So I've been told.
And it's not even like an alternative anymore, it's just common practice.
- Guess it couldn't hurt to start a profile?
- Don't worry, I already did.
- What?!
- Whoa, she's cute.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well maybe she thinks YOU'RE cute.
[chuckles] [cellphone rings]
Oh, she's a bot.
But dude, trust me, there's a ton of REAL cute girls on here, right?
Don't worry.
WENDY: You'll be matching with quality guys in no time.
Just gotta weed out the mismatches.
- How many mismatches?
-Well...
[plucked instrumental strings]
[cellphone rings]
[notification sound]
[cellphone rings]
[notification sound]
[flurry of notification sounds]
[bell sound]
BOTH: Do you just want to meet up?
[ambient restaurant noise, with EDM music playing in the background]
- Strange choice of music for this restaurant.
- Yeah, it's a little weird.
Unpopular opinion but I'm not really a fan of EDM music.
- Me neither.
You know, it all sounds so repetitive.
I feel like every Chainsmokers song sounds exactly the same.
- Totally.
[nervous chuckle]
So, are you hungry?
- Not really.
I actually had another dinner date right before this,
with a different match.
Umm, I'm being sarcastic.
- Oh! [awkward chuckle]
- Yeah, no, that was - that was dumb.
- No! No, that wasn't lame.
It was... funny.
- Did you have any trouble getting here?
- No, no it was easy.
I live like 5 minutes away so. - Ahh.
Lucky you!
[more awkward chuckles]
- Where do you live?
- I live with my parents.
- Oh. [laughs]
- I'm being serious.
- Mhm.
Yeah, uhh...
I-I thought that you were being sarcastic...
again.
- Right, yeah, that would make sense.
But, no.
- I don't think living with your parents is funny,
it's-it's smart, if anything.
I mean you're probably saving a lot of money.
WAITER: Here ya go!
Watch out, the plates are hot!
[MADISON] Thank you.
[WAITER sighs] How is everything?
- I don't know.
You just gave it to us.
[WAITER exhales]
He's probably gonna check in every 5 minutes.
- I hate that.
- I know.
- You do?
- Yeah, you told me over-attentive waiters are your biggest pet peeve?
- Umm...
No I didn't.
- Uhh...
Yeah, you messaged me that the other day?
- I think you might be confusing me with another girl?
- No, I-I think that was you?
WAITER: Ah, how is everything?
MADISON: Great.
Uh, where's your restroom?
[telephone dial tone]
[phone picks up] WENDY: How's it going?
Do you like him? Should I book a wedding venue?
- Slow down, Wendy.
The only thing we have clicked on so far is a mutual hatred for the Chainsmokers.
- You don't like the Chainsmokers?
- You thought I did?
- I don't know!
But, you should probably look over that profile I made for you.
- It doesn't even matter, he just confused me with another girl on the app.
- He did what?!
Oh, hell no.
Get out of there.
- Are you sure?
It could just be an honest mistake?
- Uh uh.
He's just one of those guys who's losing track
because he's juggling multiple women with no regard
for anyone but himself.
If he can't even give you a hundred percent of his attention over dinner,
then he doesn't even deserve you at all!
I'm on my way.
- Wendy, wait. I-I don't-
MADISON: Uh, where's your restroom?
- She definitely told me. [phone clicks]
So much for hating the Chainsmokers.
[cellphone rings]
[sad piano music]
- So, I'm gonna go.
But, uhh, here's fifty - that should cover everything.
- No, I was planning on paying for dinner.
WAITER: How is everything?
BOTH: We're fine.
- You know, just because I live with my parents doesn't mean I can't afford this meal.
- No, I just think that you might be better suited with one of your other matches.
So, it's nice to meet you Cameron.
- Are you still here?
- He was messaging other matches in the middle of our date.
- She thinks I'm a broke low-life because I live with my parents.
BOTH: Screw online dating.
- The guys are too entitled.
- The girls are too picky.
-Too fake. - Too judgemental.
BOTH: I need to meet somebody in real life.
- I was afraid this was gonna happen.
If you wanna abandon the apps, and meet people out in the wild,
you're gonna need my help.
- How are you gonna help me?
- Well,
it's not so much a question of "how?", but rather,
[marker screeches on whiteboard]
a question of "where?".
I've concluded that there are a total of four places:
places of inebriation,
errands,
enrichment,
and work.
But be warned:
each comes with its own unique challenges.
It is no walk in the park.
Although,
a park could be a good place to meet someone.
That would go under "errands".
[upbeat music]
[exhales]
- So you wanna still meet someone outside of college,
but it still needs to resemble college.
- Right, somewhere where there's a lot of people my age.
- In close proximity.
- And know how to have fun, let loose.
- With the help of hard alcohol.
I know just the place.
- Hey! Hope you guys enjoyed that first episode of "Dating After College".
Come back next Wednesday to watch episode 2.
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- Later! Episode 2, next week!