• From road signs built specifically to call you a loser, to streets with the worst
name ever imaginable we count 15 whacked out and crazy-bad messages you will encounter
on the wide open road 15 - Santa Cruz Beach,
• This is a sign from California, in which you can't drink, smoke, take a pet, drive
a car, light a fire, dive or launch a boat • All you can do is stand perfectly still,
feel the sand and enjoy what little fun you can manage to carve out of the experience
• Don't have too much fun though, or you might come back a few weeks later to find
another white and blue square printed with the words "no good times"
14 - School Zone, • Sometimes you forget to slow down during
school hours in the morning and afternoon, but this particular street is so obsessed
with allotting specific speed restriction times that it's turned into a goddamn bus
timetable • And it's not just for one school - but
for three, all over Oakland County • They claim it's only there because they
don't want to pay for electrical flashers, but a more likely explanation is that they
outsourced the schedule production to infants from pre-school
13 - Good Luck, • It's one thing to produce an indecipherable
hieroglyph of a traffic sign, it's another to wish would-be motorists a bit of good fortune
on their mission of suicide • Not to mention the speed limit is remarkably
generous given the sharp and noodly turns which for no apparent reason sees one turn-off
immediately merge into an earlier turn-off • It's possible the original creator didn't
realise what their message meant, but it's equally possible that they're a douchebag
12 - Drink Drive, • We have a saying in Australia - if you
drink, then drive, you're a bloody idiot • This here sign doesn't beat around the
bush, drink drive, you're a loser, perhaps because they ran out of room on the sign,
even though there's clearly enough space to effectively double the message, add in commas
and additional words - but no, you're a loser • That'll deter would-be drink n' drivers
out in an open field with no trees or obstacles around
11 - Bridge Sign, • This one actually isn't so terrible - a
way to stop truck drivers from ramming their several ton vehicles into a bridge
• On the downside though, who's to say it won't scrape the top of the truck, only for
the driver to turn around and say, I'll be fine, then crash, splat, game over
• Well done, sign - well done 10 - Stop,
• Okay, so here you need to stop in the alleyway, but you can't STOP stop, just stop
for a moment and then roll on through • Unless you're a commercial delivery vehicle,
then you can load or unload on the right side for 30 minutes, and you also need to stop
at the stop sign, but you just can't completely stop there because then you need to enter
the alley's right side and stop again • So the law prohibits you from stopping
for longer than a few seconds, but you also need to wait for oncoming traffic by stopping
so only stop or slow to the point of stopping otherwise you might have an accident or get
booked • Or you could, y'know, just want to avoid
this alleyway entirely 9 - Hitchhikers,
• Because, if the words correction facility area don't already put you on edge, an incredibly
obvious premise should finish the job • Let's throw up a similar example - gee,
you might think, this lava pit sign is likely alluding to a dangerous place to drive my
car, but then you find a sign directly below it that says, caution: fire hot
• I almost wish people WOULD pick up some deranged psychos just so they could learn
a lesson or two about common sense 8 - Broomrape Lane,
• Do you really need me to explain what's so wrong about this one?
And the ultimate question: are human being emotionally capable of choosing to live on
a street called Broomrape?
• Or is this just the street for people who can't read?
7 - Road Surprises, • Sometimes you get signs so non-specific,
so vague that they should barely even exist • Strangely enough when you think about
it, this sign actually DOES work to an extent - it puts you on edge
• What's going to meet you over the next horizon?
A dancing bear conga line, or a nuclear bomb test site?
It's like Christmas, but with anxiety-inducing danger
6 - Die Sign, • On first glance, you might think it's
just a simple sign warning you about sudden cliff drops, or a brief warning about Armageddon
just around the next bend • It's also possible though that someone
is selling dice up ahead, maybe a little garage store, and they just happened to use the unfortunate
plural • Or it might be a sign in front of the
gates of hell, in which case you'll have to pay a bit of tax
5 - Mound Sign, • Have you ever had a job so redundant that
instead of clearing away a mound of dirt, you are instead chosen to build a sign that
warns would-be pedestrians to walk around it
• Likewise, your image is so poorly drawn that, instead of a mound of dirt, it literally
resembles a moustache • That's a clear sign your career is not
going the way you originally planned 4 - Lane Times,
• This is one of the most hotly-debated signposts, like a trick math equation you
can never get right • Three lanes are open from 6:30am to 9:30pm,
but two are closed from 3:30pm to 7pm, whereas all other times only two are open
• So, the top time conflicts with the middle because from morning to night all three lanes
are open, but then it says two are closed during that period - does it imply the middle
times supercede the all-day 6:30 till 9:30 lanes, but then should you stick with the
far right lane at peak hour and endure endless traffic jams?
• And why is the far left lane forever closed?
Who opens a traffic lane that nobody can ever drive on?
Is it lava, or an earthquake canyon, or a rich guy's private driveway?
Why even mention it on the sign?
3 - Tank Crossing, • Usually these signs go up if you're about
to hit a road populated by cows, bulls or hard-to-see animals, but what are the chances
you get blindsided by a fucking tank?
• I mean, they shake the ground beneath them, AND they're incredibly slow - where
do the tanks even come from?
Do they pop out of a bush?
You'd see these things from a mile off • Maybe they're implying you're about to
run into an ENEMY tank, and if so you should give them right of way before they incinerate
your family with some explosive shells • That's the courteous thing to do
2 - Secret Nuclear Bunker, • This is a British sign pointing out their
secret nuclear bunker • No additional information is needed
1 - Emergency Phone • I mean, why even bother?
Clearly the sign manufacturer knew how far people would have to walk to reach the phone,
and yet they still placed it here - like it was a joke, like the idea of someone breaking
down in the middle of this long stretch of road is so unlikely that it could be a self-writing
anecdote • At the very least they could've left a
bike or scooter here in case of emergencies - but no, they just assume you're wearing
roller-skate boots, carrying endless supplies of food and water with a phone to call in
a personal helicopter