It's really important from time to time to make a really good first impression.
How do you make a great first impression that's coming up in this video.
First impressions are really important in a lot of different contexts in our
life. You think about things like a job interview for example or social
interactions or interactions with somebody in the workplace. If you've got
a customer or a client for example, those first impressions are really crucial. Dr.
Ann Demarais did some research years ago that
illuminated what the important aspects are in forming a great first impression.
She wrote this book first impressions which I highly
recommend by the way. We'll put a link down in the description so that you can
get to this. Dr. Demarais found that how we focus makes a big difference. I've
shared elements of this before in other videos about where our focus is and
thinking about that and being intentional about it which can make a
huge difference. So let's take a look at how Dr. Demarais set this up. If we draw a
quadrant system and this will pick two elements of our focus against each other
so that you can see exactly how this works. In this column,
our focus is how I feel in first person. So I'm focused on how I feel as opposed
to how you feel. So we're just setting it up as a dichotomy. It can be this one or
that one. It could be somewhere else. I suppose but for simplicity we'll just
focus on those two. Now forgetting about the feelings for just a minute, let's go
to the content. So in the top row it's about me. Now you see how that's stacking
up because this first quadrant would be how I feel about me. That's where my
focus would be. Down here in the bottom row it's about you. So it could be
in any of these four boxes. My focus might be on how I feel about me, on how
you feel about me,on how I feel about you or on how you feel about yourself. No
you can probably see where this is going. What Dr. Demarais pointed out is that if
our focus is in one of these three quadrants, the top two or this bottom
left, we tend to have a negative impact on that first impression that we're
making. So picture for just a minute that you're going into a job interview. Alright
this is a situation where you want to make a good first impression. What if
I go into that job interview and all I can think about is how I feel about
myself. Am I good enough? Am I really prepared for this? Do I have this?
Am i cute enough? You can see that this kind of a focus is going to have an
impact. Not only on how you're feeling, but on how that interviewer is feeling
about you. What kind of first impression are you making. This tends to create an
impact that we could label self-consciousness and I'm not talking a
healthy sense of self-awareness. I'm talking that anxious kind of tied up
self-conscious approach. That's the impact that we're going to have. Is that
really the kind of first impression you'll want to make? Yeah probably not.
Let's move over to this quadrant. Now my focus is on how you feel about me. Again
in the job interview, if I go into that interview and my focus is on how that
interviewer is feeling about me. Yeah can you catch that feeling? It's
this anxious approach that has me. All worried about how other people are
feeling about me and I'm trying to please you and that comes across this
phony. Not just phony but also insecure that
might be really devastating - my first impression. Especially if the job that
I'm applying for has something to do with interpersonal skills and really
which jobs don't, most of them have. Some kind of importance on that
interpersonal skill level. So not doing so well yet are we on that first
impression? Let's move down to this box and see what it looks like. Now my focus
is on how I feel about you. Oh that's going to go over well in an interview isn't
it? Picture that I go into a job interview
and I'm all thinking about do I like you guys? Do I approve of what you're doing?
Do I think that you've got what I'm looking for? No I don't know if I approve
of you. How's that going to come across? Typically that impacts people as being
critical and it causes that kind of a feel in the first impression. In Dr. Demarais
research, she pointed out that this is our power quadrant. This is where
we want to be. This is where we create a great first impression and what does it
mean? It means that my focus now is on how you feel about yourself? Wait a
minute that's kind of weird in a job interview right? We all know that the
objective of a job interview is to vet you for this position right? But what if
you show up with your own focus? I'm talking about where your own mind is.
This is powerful because as you realize this you're going to show up differently in
the job interview. So you show up there and your focus your own mind is on how
that person feels about themselves. Isn't that brilliant?
They are going to love you but don't do it for that purpose. See if you're doing
it to get people to love you. That's this quadrant because now our focus is on how
other people feel about us right? We want to keep it genuine so you're not doing
it to try to influence them or their thinking or their feelings about you.
Just realize that if you do this well, all of that's going to happen. It's kind
of like a strategic side effect and that's what Dr. Demarais pointed out
in her research. This is how we form and I think maintain a positive
impression. First impressions but also ongoing impressions and relationships
that's a powerful relationship tool. Let's take a look at how this might play
out in a social interaction. So there's somebody that you want to get to know
okay and maybe it's for business networking, maybe it's for a romantic
interest, whatever it is. A new relationship you want to make a good
first impression right? So we're going to pay attention to where our focus is. Make
sure in your own mind that your focus is on how that person feels about
themselves. See a lot of times in an interaction especially a first one, we
make the mistake of starting to talk about me right? Business networking is a
great example of this. I've been to so many networking events. Where I interact
with someone for the first time and all they can talk about is what they do and
why they're so awesome. Not very impressive. To me I don't form a
good first impression of them when they do that. There's other people who show up
and they're all about focusing on me. What I do? How I feel about myself and my
work? Those are the people I have the best first impression of. So take that
information and switch it around. Now you're the person doing the approaching.
As you approach that person, your focus is on how they feel about themselves. So
you start asking questions like, "so tell me about your job." Okay that's a good
focus on them and how they feel about themselves. What have you really enjoyed
about your work? What's challenging about it? So you're asking questions about them.
Could you do this in a job interview? Yeah you could actually. As you're
getting to know each other, you know that first part of the interview you can say,
"you know I'm really intrigued with what you're doing here. Tell me how you got
into this. Wow that's a little bit of a change isn't it? And having those
questions directed to this area of focus tends to impact how they feel in the
interaction and it affects their first impression of you. New videos every
day here at Live on Purpose TV. You know what, if you've got a question or
something that you really want me to address, send me a message or make a
comment down below. I'd be happy to take on whatever you want me to take on.