501.
Even if playing a game allowing animal characters, Tai Chihuahua is not a good concept.
502.
If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock"
503.
Dwarves do not get Beard Cancer.
504.
If the party is to frequently meet with Queen Victoria, I cannot play a Texan.
505.
My warrior cleric will not pick his deity solely on the god's BAB.
506.
Mjy Vjikjing Skjald wjill njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.
507.
My character cannot give another character the alcoholic disadvantage during play.
508.
I will not tell the noobie to roll his THACO. 509.
I will not base my superpowers off of Christ.
Even if my character is nothing like him.
510.
After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
511.
When GM demands to know what my character is doing, it better not be "The Charleston"
512.
The nationality of my favorite soccer team does not add to my Brawl Skill.
513.
Trying to rip the face off the villain will not get the Scooby-Doo ending.
514.
No giving my Roman gladiator the short disadvantage and naming him Minimus.
515.
I am not the Lord of Rodly Might. 516.
Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock. 517.
I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.
518.
Affirmative Action does not require me to play a drow.
519.
Dual wielding party members is also frowned upon.
520.
Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer.
521.
I will not convince the entire party to play Amish for the cyberpunk campaign.
522.
Not allowed to parry at the wrist.
523.
When I'm rescued the correct response is 'thank you' not 'took your freaking time!'
524.
I will not ask my gun for advice.
525.
Running a non-stop Rocky Horror fest for staked vampires is outside the budget for most Samedi.
526.
If an NPC is known as the "One" I cannot volunteer to be the "Two".
527.
Even if the rules allow it, I cannot spend $64,000 to get the vorpal option for a forklift.
528.
I cannot buy every single advantage during character creation.
529.
My character is not from Duncan, Idaho.
530.
I cannot earn bonus XP for 'catching air' with an MBT.
So stop trying.
531.
No making up gnomish subraces. 532.
Despite being a staple of comic books everywhere, I cannot teleport objects in front of naked
people.
533.
I cannot increase my comeliness by growing a pornstache.
534.
When I level up, I just can't copy the guy next to me's choices.
535.
I cannot make a dungeon crawl easier by opening a rival dungeon and hiring away all his guards.
536.
If a powergamer joins our crew, I will not billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary
airlock. 537.
The Cause Disease spell cannot inflict Nitrogen Narcosis.
538.
Even if I spend the points, I cannot start married to any of the X-Men.
539.
Defensive perimeter traps my character sets up are automatically party knowledge.
540.
A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?"
not "Please continue."
541.
When prompted for a target by the guided missile "the naughty bits" is not a valid choice.
542.
No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything.
543.
There is more to buying rations than ramen, spam and beer.
544.
I will not cast Gate to bind an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the
lawn.
545.
No going 100% tracer round on the HMG just because I like the pretty colors.
546.
Dead party members, while effective, are not appropriate anti-grenade measures.
547.
Perform skill does not apply to the following: Performance art, spoken word, or fan dances.
548.
I cannot have a "What Would Ao Do?"
bracelet. 549.
It is not physically possible to cook off an accordion.
550.
Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.
551.
Cannot install Lojack on the Dragonkin. 552.
If my character's drow wife finds I let my niece appear in a Gnomes Gone Wild Video,
my death will not even warrant a saving throw.
553.
No matter how well I make my disguise check, my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any
member of Rush.
554.
Even though armor gives him no benefit, my monk still has to wear something.
555.
I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering
palm.
556.
Even though I'm the ranger, I can't stalk the elf babe.
557.
If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a geiger counter, I can't have it.
558.
There is not a 'Take your daughter to work day' for adventurers.
559.
Even if the Ranger offers his sword, the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe, my gnome can't
offer his accordion. 560.
Can't hire a sentient black pudding to be the ship's janitor.
561.
I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.
562.
"Pass without trace" doesn't work on bad checks.
563.
I can't make anyone Jewish with a called shot.
564.
The Lutherans don't have an inquisition. 565.
My vampire hunter can't have anything he saw on an infomercial at 3am on PBS.
566.
When confronted with a haunted house with bleeding walls, no converting it into a self
supporting blood bank.
567.
I cannot consult my lawyer before making my wish.
568.
My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of
the wish' 569.
All 3 of my wishes cannot involve Alpacas. 570.
The DM does not want to know how my human fighter is triple wielding scimitars.
571.
I will not secretly maze the wizard's familiar, druid's companion or paladin's mount just
for a laugh.
572.
Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance
penalties.
573.
Improved evasion does not work against Save vs. DM.
574.
"Get dressed quickly in the dark" is not an advantage, bonus, benefit, feat, skill, perk
or merit.
575.
Even if I'm a near immortal demi-god with the power to create entire worlds with a thought,
still bad to throw a party when Dad's away without permission.
576.
I can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.
577.
No matter how stupid the PC's comment, it doesn't provide an attack of opportunity.
578.
Rectomancy is not a school of magic.
579.
"Pimp my Death Star" is not a real show, and I'd better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows
this.
580.
A sledgehammer does not give any bonus to my search for secret doors roll.
581.
No filling the paladin's stocking with coal on Christmas to make him wonder what he's
got to atone for.
582.
I can't thwart the Rebel Alliance's attack with the newly invented manhole cover.
583.
Can't intimidate the evil wizard just by constantly summoning bigger versions of what he's just
summoned.
584.
On second thought, a minotaur architect is a really bad idea.
585.
No using psychic powers before the adventure to figure out who to take life insurance out
on.
586.
Cannot spend extra money to get the optional "flay" setting for my pistol.
587.
No taunting the 1st level magic user with "Mighty bold talk for a guy with only 4HP."
588.
Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it.
Wonderful paradox, isn't it?
589.
If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
590.
I can't convince the rival party our Q-Ship is just named that because it's piloted by
John DeLancie. 591.
Defibrillators do not allow me the use of the Cleave feat.
592.
No matter how well I roll, other PCs cannot be haggled into paying me to perform errands
for me.
593.
Tensor's Herniated Disc is not a real spell.
594.
True to fluff or not, my berserker cannot take the beekeeping skill.
595.
I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING. 596.
No dual wielding whips until I at least have proficiency with them.
597.
The party does not need to know about the time I woke up duct taped to the back of a
Drow Matron Mother.
598.
Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream.
Retroactively if need be.
599.
Cannot start the new adventure with me trying to run down who ever didn't show up for the
last adventure.