hey guys welcome back thank you for joining me for another video this week I
wanna start talking about self-worth I think this is extremely important
because we can talk about self-esteem we can talk about self-confidence and all
those types of things but if the self-worth piece isn't there for you
then you're not gonna have self-confidence or you're not gonna have
self-esteem you might have it but it's going to be it's gonna be fake it's
gonna be an act it's gonna be something that you want to portray to the world
but really inside you don't truly feel it so think of someone who's
narcissistic that's someone who 100% has a lot of confidence in themselves but
the underlining issue in terms of why they actually have
this mental illness is because of that low sense of self-worth that they have
within themselves so I want to give you some signs so you can know whether or
not you do have a low sense of self-worth because I feel like often
times when we think of self esteem self worth things like that people often will
say yes of course I have a good confidence of course I love myself of
course I have self-worth and you know I think highly of myself or whatever but
when you start to kind of like live your life you realize you actually don't and
I think a lot of times we don't know what does it mean to not have a high
level of self-worth because again self-worth is at the top you need to
have that first then the self confidence then the self esteem then you know the
soft respect comes all those things come underneath it but the self-worth piece
is actually the foundation of you being a healthy person so I'm gonna give you
some signs that way you can know does my self-worth need some work right so these
are kind of a signs if you do have a low sense of self-worth so one of the first
things is you struggle to accept compliments and I think for me I
definitely did this for a while I feel like whenever someone would give me a
compliment I would give an excuse so if someone was like oh you know your hair
looks nice today I'd be like oh well it's dirty you know what I mean like I
didn't feel comfortable with just allowing someone to give me a compliment
and me saying thank you and I remember one
time I don't remember who it was but they said can you just say thank you
when I give you a compliment and I was like oh my god she's right and it felt
so uncomfortable to do that that's a sense of not having a lot of soft worth
the next thing is you really struggle with self-doubt so you often times you
know doubt your abilities to do something or handle something and I
really see this really often and I think a lot of the self-doubt that we tend to
have sometimes it's just habitual thinking because I know for me when I'm
talking to my clients and I hear the self-doubt I hear their fear I kind of
bring all of that to the forefront like let's look at that let's shine some
light on it for a second and the minute we shine light on it anyone who want any
client I've ever talked to realizes well I actually don't really
doubt myself I guess it's just kind of like the way we've been programmed to
feel and handle things and look at things and think about things
so remember self-worth is the ability to believe you are worthy to believe that
you can handle things to believe that regardless of what happens you'll be
okay like that ability to have those spots where you truly believe them that
is self-worth right that is I'm taking care of myself
because remember the self-esteem that you have which is the confidence which
is feeling good about yourself which is knowing okay I can do this and like that
confidence level that self-esteem that you have with inside of yourself that
will allow you to when you have the doubt the self-worth allows the doubt
allows you to push the doubt aside but the self-esteem allows you to actually
start taking some action so you start to see like the layers of this and I feel
like sometimes we tend to like use all these words interchangeably and we don't
really understand what is self-worth what is self-esteem what is
self-confidence things like that so someone that struggles with boundaries
is a thousand percent someone that has low self-worth because you know you fear
that confrontation because remember you won't be able to verbally confront
someone you have the confidence to be able to stand
in your own truth if you don't have the self-worth piece rights as soon as the
self-worth isn't there then the confidence and the self-esteem and all
those other things that you need in order to really handle these boundaries
they're not gonna be there either a lot of the times to people that struggle
with boundaries they struggle because of those kind of thoughts of what will this
person thing will they think I'm asking for too much well they think I'm you
know a nag will they be upset with me because I said no and so all of that
caring what people think that means that you don't really value yourself right
you don't feel worthy just say hey I deserve good relationships in my life I
deserve people in my life that respect my values and respect my beliefs and and
if they don't I don't often know how to handle it so I kind of just let people
do whatever they want and walk all over me and say whatever they want someone
who struggles with codependency someone who struggles with putting other
people's needs ahead of their own is a person that has a low self-worth because
again your worthiness is really how you view yourself you know how worthy do you
feel to have not only good relationships in your life but to completely take care
of yourself in every aspect and what that actually means
so to always put someone else before yourself that means that you're not
taking care of yourself because on some level you don't feel worthy to take care
of yourself I think in this one I definitely have been hearing a lot
lately is kind of like the struggle to believe that someone could actually love
you you know it's like logically we know yeah someone could love me but when you
really struggle on a lot of that has to do with abandonment when you've had a
lot of abandonment in your life and the fear of you being completely authentic
and someone's seeing you for who you are that fear of someone seeing me and
running again self-worth right because if I have a good level of self-worth
then I'm gonna know I'm a good person I'm gonna know that I'm worthy of love
I'm gonna know that regardless if I'm perfect or not which that doesn't exist
that I deserve someone in my like that sees the real me and actually
loves that part of myself right like loves the flaws and all and doesn't look
at it as too much to handle I think oftentimes people that tend to struggle
with depression 100% also struggle with low self-worth so because a lot of the
times and the thing with depression too is and luck I'm not a clinical
psychologist so I'm not gonna say this as like a black-and-white thing because
to me depression is gray and there's levels of it right there's some that are
very severe and there are some where I tend to feel it periodically but it's
not something that debilitates my life so when I say this take it with a grain
of salt in terms that it's gray this area of depression is gray but a lot of
times you know one of the things that I was focused on my coaching is having the
conversations we have in our minds so your ability to have a conversation your
ability to recognize negative self-talk and attach to it
your ability to okay see the negative self-talk or the stories that we told
ourselves time and time again which is honestly just part of how you're
programmed and understanding that and being able to detach from the story so
you can see the story to decide whether or not you believe the story is the
story true and do I want to go there like so what's the goal if the goal is I
want to feel good if the goal is I'm gonna have this job if the goal is I
want to make this money the goal is I want to meet this person if that's the
goal is this spot helping me to get to that goal because the fact of the matter
is your thoughts are gonna add up and they're either gonna cause you to take
action good action positive action towards
reaching that goal of whatever it is maybe it's I just want to feel good
today that's still a goal um your thoughts are gonna pile up and it's
gonna either help you to get to that goal of what you're trying to achieve or
to be frank it's just gonna keep you stuck your thoughts do one of two things
that's it so understanding that and being very
diligent on where do I want to go with this right being able to like be mindful
and like catch things as they start happening this negative story that's
playing in my mind if you're so used to being on autopilot then your stories are
just going to go and go go they're gonna take over and they're
gonna take you down a rabbit hole and you're not gonna even know that they're
pulling you down until you're down and you're struggling to pick yourself back
up so this whole process of self development and why I make these videos
why I do coaching is really understanding how to monitor the
thoughts how to have positive and healthy self-talk because that
determines everything why am i going there with this because the depression
of having low self-worth for whatever the reasons are you know usually it's
one of two reasons usually we have low self-worth because of childhood because
of how we were raised because of programming because of wounds and a lot
of what coaching does especially my coaching is about rebuilding right this
is in therapy where we just kind of sit on the couch and talk about mom and dad
all day this is where we kind of figure out like okay I get it I get why I am
the way I am I get that these are the things that I really want to heal and
work on I get that I'm depressed I get that I have low self-worth and now what
do I do so that ability to start taking action
towards building your self-worth up anyone can do that stuff like anyone can
do that stuff it's just a matter of doing the work the other thing and I
think this is really really big in terms of having low self-worth and it breaks
my heart is not knowing what you need you know not knowing what you need not
knowing how you feel not knowing what's best for you not being able to put
yourself first like that ability to really be connected with yourself to
take care of yourself on all of those levels I mean that's not only just
self-worth I mean that's just straight-up loving I'm literally getting
goosebumps like as I say this I'm literally getting goosebumps because
that is self-love like that is your ability to love yourself and it's you
know I feel like self-love and love yourself it's like one of those like
words right now that it's just being thrown everywhere but till really
goosebumps you're still here to really understand what that means is
to understand you can have such a good life you can be such in a good space it
doesn't mean bad stuffs not gonna happen to you it doesn't mean that it's not
gonna rain on your parade one day or someone's not gonna pass away or you
might get laid off from a job that's life but it just means that when these
things happen that you know how to handle them
you know how to take care of yourself you know how to love yourself and that
self worth piece like I said it's at the forefront of all of that feel like
people that sometimes tend to kind of be the victim and you know it's one thing
to acknowledge when something's going on and acknowledge how you feel 100% that's
important I always say I think validation is one of the one of the
first things towards parenting yourself towards loving yourself is your ability
to say you know what you have every right to feel that way I understand why
you feel that way just like you would do for a best friend that was sitting
across from you have dinner table and telling you what it is that they're
going through right now and all the struggles that they're having but at
some point just like you talking to your friend you're not gonna let your son
your friends sit in that space of being a victim you're gonna remind them of who
they are you're gonna pick them up you're gonna say all the things to make
them feel better to make them feel hopeful so being a victim for too long
right is really where you don't feel the worthiness the empowerment to handle
business to handle this situation that you're in it doesn't mean that from time
to time you're not gonna need someone to help you because you're down 100% that's
why we have friendships that's why we have relationships that's you can't
handle the world all by yourself you need resources this video is a resource
right where you feel connected to me and you're listening to me and hopefully at
the end of it you feel better so that ability to not sit in a
victimhood is someone who has a high level of self-worth right is that the
end of the day they might sit in a space for a second but at some point they're
gonna say I got to get up now a lot of times too the anxieties that we feel the
social phobias that we have you know or just like the uncomfortableness that we
tend to feel from time to time in our bodies or not even time to time if you
feel them consistently again self-worth I mean I know I sound repetitive but it
it is at the forefront it has to be there in order for you to be able to
have a conversation with yourself to ease the anxiety because again all
anxiety is is I actually felt stress then that
stress went into fear and then that fear went into anxiety then that anxiety went
into panic then the panic went into probably a breakdown you know what I
mean like so if you have one thing consistently it's gonna go into the next
thing and then it's gonna go into the next thing so when you can catch things
as they happen then it doesn't lead to anxiety but the only way you can catch
it is to have that level of self-worth that you that you know alright look this
is my job to take care of myself I can handle this I am self loving I deserve
to be happy so let's figure out what's going on
that's constantly keeping me not feeling the way I want to feel you know and when
we touched on boundaries you know when people mistreat you and people walk all
over you when you fear confrontation when you don't you know when you
struggle to kind of speak up for yourself all of those things have to do
again with your self-worth because if you're worthy then you're going to be
able to talk to other people you're gonna be able to set boundaries you're
gonna be able to say hey I don't like the way I'm treated you're gonna have
very high standards for people in your life and you're gonna be able to teach
people how you want to be treated I hope that has kind of helped you to maybe
just recognize that this is something that you want to work on I'm definitely
gonna start making videos on now what do we do stuff okay stuff we watch this
video and I'm checking off all these boxes that you're telling me don't
forget to look forward to my next couple of videos because we're really going to
start diving into okay now how do we actually start fixing this stuff so if
you have enjoyed this if you did don't forget to give it a thumbs up and I will
see you next week