>> I HAVE SO MUCH MONEY. >>> 86% OF THE PEOPLE ARRESTED
IN NEW YORK CITY FOR MARIJUANA POSSESSION ARE BLACK OR LATINO.
WHILE THE REST ARE BLACK AND LATINO.
>>> PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS OPPOSED A TAX ON ALUMINUM, WHICH WORKS
OUT TO A MILLION DOLLAR PER MONTH TAX ON BLAKE SHELTON.
>>> A RARE LETTER BY MAHATMA GANDHI, IN WHICH HE MENTIONS
JESUS CHRIST BEING SOLD AT AUCTION.
HIS LETTER READS SIMPLY, JESUS CHRIST, I'M HUNGRY.
>>> THE ACADEMY AWARDS ARE TOMORROW, HERE TO BREAK
EVERYTHING DOWN IS RESIDENT MOVIE BUFF, KYLE MOONEY.
>> WHAT'S UP, MIKE? OSCAR SUNDAY, LET'S GET IT!
>> WOW! YOU SEEM PRETTY EXCITED.
>> OF COURSE, MAN, EVERYBODY ALL DRESSED UP, IT'S GOING DOWN.
BIG MIKE! >> NOBODY CALLS ME THAT.
>> UH-HUH. MIKE, COLIN, ME -- THE BOYS!
BUT UM, WHAT'S THE PLAN ON SUNDAY?
WHERE ARE WE GONNA, YOU KNOW, WHERE ARE WE GONNA WATCH THE BIG
SHOW? >> OH, I DON'T KNOW YET.
>> DON'T -- >> I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE
OUT WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR BEST PICTURE
THIS YEAR? >> I'LL GET TO THAT.
BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU, COLIN? DON'T YOU USUALLY DO, LIKE A BIG
OSCAR PARTY LIKE EVERY YEAR OR SOMETHING?
>> WHAT'S THAT? NO, SOMETIMES -- I'M ACTUALLY
NOT SURE YET. >> REALLY?
BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HEARD SOME PEOPLE SAYING YOU ARE DOING A
BIG THING THIS YEAR? THAT'S NOT GOING DOWN NO MORE.
>> I GUESS I WAS THINKING ABOUT MAYBE DOING SOMETHING, BUT I
DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GOING TO COME TOGETHER.
>> OKAY, UM, BECAUSE YOU LIKE -- YOU WOULDN'T JUST NOT INVITE ME,
RIGHT? >> WHAT?
NO, IF I WAS DOING ONE, YOU WOULD BE INVITED FOR SURE.
>> DOPE. WELL, LET'S JUST DO IT AT MY
PLACE. MICHAEL YOU SAID YOU FOR SURE
DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS YET, RIGHT? >> I SAID THAT?
>> PLEASE DON'T TELL HIM. >> WHAT'S THAT?
>> NO, CHE AND I WERE TALKING, WE HAVE TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT
LATER. >> OKAY, HOW ABOUT WE FIGURE
THIS OUT RIGHT NOW. SO BIG MIKE.
WHAT TIME ARE WE THINKING, LIKE 10:00 A.M. START, I THINK MY
BROTHER AND HIS GIRL MIGHT ROLL OVER TOO, SHE MIGHT BRING HER
BOSS. >> SO THE GROUP WOULD BE YOU,
YOUR BROTHER HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HER BOSS.
>> YEAH! AND YOU AND COLIN, SINCE YOU
GUYS DON'T HAVE PLANS. >> WE GOT TO TELL HIM.
>> I GOT TO BE HONEST, I'M STARTING TO THINK THAT COLIN IS
HAVING A PARTY AND HE'S NOT INVITING ME BECAUSE YOU GUYS
DON'T LIKE ME. I MEAN THIS KIND OF FEELS LIKE
MIDDLE SCHOOL, WHERE PEOPLE WOULD BE FAKE TO ME BECAUSE I
DIDN'T WEAR NAME BRAND SHOES. IS THAT THE PROBLEM?
THAT I DON'T WEAR NAME BRAND SHOES?
>> NO, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT. >> OKAY, WELL, THEN, WHAT IS IT?
SAY IT TO MY FACE. OH, WAIT, I GUESS THE PARTY
ISN'T HAPPENING ANY MORE, EVEN THOUGH I JUST FOUND THIS.
>> ALL RIGHT, FINE, KYLE, I'M SORRY, I'M THROWING A PARTY,
IT'S JUST THAT YOU AND I ARE NOT THAT CLOSE, AND I COULDN'T
INVITE EVERYTHING, OKAY? I'M SORRY MAN.
>> OKAY. AND YOU'RE POSITIVE IT HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SHOES? >> DO THOSE SAY BEEBOK.
>> ALL RIGHT, FINE, IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR OFF BRAND SHOES.
>> THEY'RE CHEAP, BUT THEY'RE JUST AS GOOD AS THE REAL THING.
I MEAN, HEY, WE ONLY MAKE 8 BUCKS AN HOUR HERE, RIGHT?
>> OH, NO. >> DO YOU GUYS MAKE MORE THAN
THAT? >> KYLE MOONEY, EVERYONE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> BARBRA STREISAND REVEALED
THAT TWO OF HER DOGS ARE ACTUALLY CLONES OF A THIRD ONE
WHO RECENTLY PASSED AWAY. STARS -- THEY'RE JUST LIKE US.
>>> THE LAS VEGAS AIRPORT HAS SET UP NEW RECEPTIC ELS THAT AM
ALLOW PASSENGERS TO DISPOSE OF THEIR MARIJUANA BEFORE BOARDING
A PLANE. THE RECEPT CALS LOOK JUST LIKE
THIS. >>> MARCH IS WOMEN'S HISTORY
MONTH. AND OF COURSE, IT'S THE ONLY
MONTH THAT TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO. MARCH!
IT TELLS YOU TO MARCH. >> YEAH, MARCH.
>>> THE WINTER OLYMPICS ENDED THIS SUNDAY.
HERE TO GIVE HER FIRSTHAND REPORT IS SNL'S NUMBER ONE
OLYMPICS FAN, LESSCY JONES. >> YOU ACTUALLY WENT TO
PYEONGCHANG. >> IT WAS AWESOME.
YOU THINK I STAND OUT IN AMERICA, EVERYBODY IN KOREA WAS
4'1" THEY EITHER THOUGHT I WAS AN ATHLETE OR A GOD.
SOME OF THEM THOUGHT I WAS A TRANSFORMER.
BUT A TRANSFORMER DON'T EAT KOREAN BBQ LIKE THAT.
>> SO YOU ENJOYED THE WINTER OLYMPICS?
>> MAN, I LOVED IT, COLIN. I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD.
BECAUSE HONESTLY, THIS YEAR IS THE FIRST YEAR THAT I GOT INTO
THE WINTER ONES AS MUCH AS THE SUMMER ONES.
I NEVER GO SKIING. I LOVED SEEING JAMIE ANDERSON
OUT THERE RIDING THE HASHPIPE. >> I THINK IT'S THE HALFPIPE.
>> SHUT UP! >> OKAY.
>> YOU DON'T KNOW! I'M THE EXPERT.
>> OKAY, AND DID YOU LIKE THE BOBSLEDDING?
>> OH, YEAH. WOO!
THOSE THIGHS WERE NICE FOR MY EYES.
BUT MY FAVORITE WAS HOCKEY. THAT'S VIOLENCE ON ICE, THEY'RE
PUNCHING AND CHECKING BITCHES AT 30 MILES AN HOUR,
AND DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY GOT A THING CALLED THE PENALTY BOX?
>> YEAH. >> THEY SEND YOU THERE AFTER YOU
CHECK A BITCH! AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
IF I PLAYED HOCKEY, THEY WOULD CALL ME PENALTY BOX JONES.
'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE I WOULD BE THE WHOLE GAME.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE AMERICAN TEAM IS BRINGING IN
PENALTY BOX JONES! OH, MY GOD, CAN SHE DO THAT?
SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ON SKATES! IS THAT LEGAL?
COLIN, I LOVE HOCKEY. >> THAT'S WONDERFUL.
>> AND THE WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN THE MEN.
THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. I SAID IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THEY WON THE GOLD MEDAL ON A
SHOOTOUT. AND THIS WOMAN WHO DID THE
WINNING GOAL, SHE DID LIKE A POP-LOCKING MOVE.
LIKE POP-POP POW! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY COULD DO
THAT. >> I DID NOT THINK YOU'D BE A
HOCKEY FAN. WE SHOULD GO SOMETIME TO A GAME.
>> OH, YOU LIKE HOCKEY, SNOW MUFFIN?
>> I PLAYED A LITTLE BIT OF HOCKEY GROWING UP.
MAYBE I COULD TEACH YOU A COUPLE MOVES.
>> YOU ARE SO WHITE. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND YOU SOUND PRETTY CONFIDENT. I ALREADY GOT A FRIEND WHO SAID
THAT SHE'LL GIVE ME SOME POINTERS.
HEY, HILARY. YEAH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> YES!
YES, COLIN. THIS IS HILARY KNIGHT.
SHE JUST WON THE GOLD MEDAL FOR THE U.S. WOMEN'S HOCKEY TEAM.
YEAH! >> HI THERE, HILARY.
CONGRATULATIONS. >> THANK YOU.
I HEARD YOU PLAYED HOCKEY GROWING UP AND YOU'RE GOING TO
SHOW US SOME MOVES. >> WELL, I -- I MEAN, I PLAYED
RECREATIONAL, I DON'T THINK I COULD TEACH YOU ANYTHING.
>> I'D LOVE TO SEE SOMETHING. >> I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY.
SO DON'T BE TALKIN' ABOUT HOW YOU GONNA TEACH ME SOMETHING, I
HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE GOLD MEDAL OLYMPIANS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> GET IT?
>> YEAH, I GOT IT. >> DO YOU, COLIN?
DO YOU GOT IT. LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION,
HILARY DO THIS WITH ME. >> WHO RUN THE WORLD?
>> GIRLS. >> WHO RUN THIS MOTHER?
>> GIRLS. >> HILARY, TELL COLIN WHAT I
TOLD YOU TO TELL HIM. >> COLIN, YOUS A BITCH.
>> HILARY KNIGHT AND LESLIE JONES, EVERYONE.
FOR WEEKEND UPDATE,