- Okay.
Looking at the minutes from last week,
it looks like we still need
a unanimous vote on whether we want to be STIs
or STDs.
- What's the difference?
- The I for infection and the D is for--
- Dick.
- No, it's not for dick,
Herpes,
it is for disease.
- [Herpes] It's for dick,
big D dick!
- We're not doing this again.
- I want to be known as a dick disease.
- [Chlamydia] Ew, I hate that.
I feel like we should call ourselves
something cuter,
like...
Oh!
Oh my God, okay,
like, what about The Burning Babes?
- The Burning Babes?
- [Chlamydia] Yeah,
'cause it like,
describes us.
- Right.
Yes, and that is a great suggestion,
Chlamydia,
thank you for that.
- [Chlamydia] Oh my God,
you're so welcome.
- [HPV] But, I think we just need something
a little more maybe,
medical sounding. (paper rustling)
- Check it out, it's a dick.
(Herpes chuckles)
It's pubes.
- [Syphilis] I refuse to be categorized
alongside these imbeciles.
- Syphilis, I get it. - Hey, Phyllis,
hey, Phyllis.
Suck my butt.
(Herpes chuckles) - I will do no such thing
and that is not my name.
I infected Nietzche for godsakes.
- Here we go
- [Syphilis] Mussolini,
Hitler,
Lenin.
Ivan the Terrible wasn't so terrible
when I was through with him.
HPV, I vote that those of us
with the slightest bit of decorum,
branch off and become our own category
and leave the plebians
to fend for themselves.
- Clap. (hands clap)
- [Syphilis] See, gonorrhea is with me.
- Oh no, she's just--
- Clap! (hands clap)
- [Herpes] We know you can clap,
dumbass.
- [HPV] That's why we call her clap.
- [Herpes] Y'all just a bunch of fakes.
- Tell that to Al Capone.
- I don't know him.
- [Herpes] Herpes is for life.
I'm ride or die.
- [Syphilis] Ooh, I'm shaking in my boots
from a little cold sore.
- [Chlamydia] Honestly,
it's nothing a little concealer can't fix.
- [Herpes] Says a chick with no symptoms.
- [Chlamydia] Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize infertility wasn't a symptom.
You are basically poor man's HPV,
- Hey, leave me out of this. - I don't cause warts,
that shits messed up.
- [HPV] Oh really?
- [Herpes] You know,
I got two strains to me? - Yeah,
you are straining my patience. - You guys are all literally,
just jealous of me, (hands clapping)
because I am the most popular
and you can never be me. - Does anybody care--
(group chattering)
- Day in, day out. - Clap, clap, clap, clap
- It's all about the hustle
for me. - Hey!
Enough.
- [HPV] HIV?
I didn't know you were gonna be here,
your name wasn't...
On the...
(HIV scoffs)
Did you have anything
that you would like to say,
or add?
- [HIV] Yeah, this is a huge waste of my time.
- I know, it is.
It really is.
I agree,
it just can be hard,
'cause we have to get everybody
on the same page.
- Hi, I'm Herpes.
(paper rustles)
Wanna see my dick drawing?
- So, I'm probably gonna head.
- [HPV] Okay, yeah.
Oh, cool.
Yeah,
I mean, that's--
You can do
whatever you wanna do (chuckles) of course.
Would you like to vote on STI or STD?
- Clap? (hands clapping)
- What did she just say to me?
- [HPV] Oh, she--
No, no, no,
that's just,
ignore her, she's--
So, D or I?
- [HIV] I...
Don't give a shit.
'Cause I got more important things to do
than worry about letters. - Oh, for sure.
Of course you do.
Blegh
I shouldn't have even asked
Okay,
so, I'm gonna put you down for a D.
- [HIV] Sure, D as in dick.
(Herpes gasps)
(HPV giggles)
- Yeah.
- That's what I said.
- Peace out, losers.
(shoes stomping)
(door lock clicks)
- She's so cool.
- I respect her work.
- She said my joke.
- It was funnier when she said it--
- Shut your mouth, Phyllis.
- [Syphilis] Why?
Because you're going to cover it in cold sores?
- Yeah, maybe I will.
- Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
- I was infected--
- You're tired?--
(chatter overlapping)
- You guys are all just jealous of me.
Oh my God, I can't believe--
- Herpes don't play no shit.
- It's like, hard.
You don't realize (hands clapping)
what a burden that is. - Hey!
- Being so popular. - Okay, I guess
we'll just pick this up next week.
- Hey there, Julie here.
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(slow gentle music)