...and in summer of 2076 they switched back from high fructose corn syrup and carob extract
to cane sugar and cocoa powder. You say something? I switched off my headset
three hours ago.
I just recited the complete text of "Tales of a Junktown Jerky Vendor" verbatim, including
the lost chapters about Gizmo's hidden treasure.
You've been talking about cupcakes since we left California.
So you were listening.
And there's no hidden treasure in Junktown. It's never been anything more than a pile
of rusted slag thrown together by whatzisname. Darkfist? Darkblood?
Darkwater. He was a soldier before the Great War-
Damn, people gave their kids stupid names in those days...
Darkwater figured that instead of rebuilding the ruins of an existing city, he'd build
his own town from scratch, just like in the pioneer times. He organized other survivors
and used broken down cars, and trucks to make a barricade, and then made a whole town inside
those walls. He kept the peace in the years following the war, and his son eventually
took over the role of Mayor. By 2161, Darkwater's grandson, Killian was in charge of the town.
They got their share of travelers and traders because the place was halfway between Shady
Sands and The Boneyard. Folk could get a drink, enjoy games of chance, and find some "companionship".
Spare me your euphemisms. They had a whorehouse, a bar that poured rotgut, and a rigged casino,
just like half the towns in the wasteland back then. And none of that's changed outside
of NCR territory.
This thing we're looking for was last seen in Cottonwood Cove.
We'll have to head Northeast to I-15.
Cottonwood Cove is South East. Might pick up their tracks on the other side of the Colorado
River.
Whoever's carrying your "Item" will eventually have to use Route 70. That means they'll head
North towards Zion Park - Roads and bridges were clear on I-15 right up to Route 70 last
time I was there.
If we hoof it we might be able to catch them on the far side of the Devil's Throat.
That's up by Bitter Springs...
I don't need to hear any stories about Bitter Springs! This thing's got a head start on
us. Let's move. I won’t even bother telling you to keep quiet this time. Something tells
me you’re not finished yapping about-
- Junktown was The Vault Dweller's first moral dilemma. The people in Shady Sands were all
unified, but Junktown had two factions vying for control of the city. Killian Darkwater
was the Mayor and Sherif. He kept the riff-raff under control for the most part.
But all that law and order didn't sit well with a fella named Gizmo. He ran a casino-
I know who Gizmo was. Tycho the Desert Ranger left notes behind about his time with The
Vault Dweller. Gizmo kept trying to get rid of Killian Darkwater, but Killian couldn't
prove it, so he hired The Vault Dweller to investigate Gizmo's casino and collect evidence,
just like in those pre-war detective novels.
"I don't know who you are, but I don't take kindly to strangers walking into my office
and accusing me of things they know nothing about."
Taking a stand for law and order was what made Tycho join up with the Vault Dweller.
He wanted to clean up that town, and move on. Do some good around the rest of wasteland.
Once they got the goods on Gizmo, they took him down, never looked back.
*friendly beep*
Tell that thing to quit beeping at me.
She wants to know if you'll be friends.
How do you say "Go to Hell" in robot?
*profane beep*
Like that. Anyway… As I was saying: Gizmo wasn't the only trouble in Junktown, or even
the worst. The Skulz gang terrorized the local barkeep, drunks used the working girls at
the Crash House as punching bags. And the local sawbones... Well, Doc Morbid specialized
in any operation that ends with "ectomy" and he never let anything go to waste...
You telling me the people of Junktown were cannibals?
Nope. Doc Morbid had a little export business. Sent his spare parts to fella who sold "iguana"
meat in the next town over.
Savages. What town was that?
Just the biggest city in the wasteland: The Hub. The Vault Dweller went there after Junktown
- but not for the Iguana bits. What happened there finally put 'em on the right path to
finding a water chip for Vault 13. I heard the tale from someone who lived in The Hub
at the time, and he swears he saw it all happen firsthand.
But that, is a story for-
You really need to stop saying that…