Oh yeah, gym member.
I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last 1200 times.
So why don’t you quit?
You don’t think I’ve tried?
You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month?
No, they make you go all the way down there!
Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you!
Then they bring out Maria.
Who is Maria?
Oh Maria.
You can’t say no to her, she’s like this lycra spandex covered gym…treat.
You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?
No!
So you’re strong enough to face her on your own?
Oh no, you’ll have to come.
Whoa-whoa-whoa, hey!
Now remember what we talked about, you gotta be strong.
Yes.
One more time, "Hey, don’t you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"
No!
I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!
Good!
That’s good!
Okay.
I wanna quit the gym.
You wanna quit?
I wanna quit the gym.
You do realize that you won’t have access to our new full service Swedish spa.
I wanna quit the gym.
Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters.
Uh, excuse me, are you a member?
Me?
No.
Sorry, members only.
I wanna quit the gym.
It’s okay man, be strong.
So, are you a member of any gym.
No!
And I’m not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.
Okay, no problem.
Could you come here for a second?
Hi, I’m Maria.
So, did you quit?
No, I almost did, couldn’t leave Ross there without a spotter!
Wait, now so you joined the gym?
And that’s funny, why?
Oh, umm, I was just y’know working out and umm…
Oh, that’s it.
We’re doomed.
Okay, they’re gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives.
What are we gonna do?
Well, you could actually go to the gym.
Or!
Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.
You’re a genius!
Aww, man, now we won’t be bank buddies!
Now, there’s two reasons Hello.
Hi.
We’d like to close our accounts.
Close your accounts?
Is there some kind of problem?
No-no.
No, we’d just like to close them.
Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures.
Would you come over here please?
Hi, I’m Karen.
I wanna quit the bank!
So you didn’t leave the bank?
No!
And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.
What are you ever gonna use that for?!
To pay for the gym.