Hey pals, how are you doing?
continuing on from my
video about toxic relationships and
people and behaviors, I thought it would
be good to talk about healthy
relationships.
I've just got a few tips
on what might help, whether or not it's a
new friendship your beginning, or wanting
to find or an old relationship that
you're wanting to change or improve.
So the first thing I came across a while
ago - a post on tumblr talking about
the importance of being open to having
more than one friend.
There's a lot of pressure in schools to have one best
friend or a partner who is your sole
focus and sole priority.
This post was
talking about how dangerous that can be
sometimes because not only are you
reliant on that person to be around but
kind of having them as your sole
priority makes it really easy to be
manipulated or kind of like stuck in a
relationship where you feel a bit
trapped.
Having multiple good friends doesn't
mean that any of these people are less
important it just means that you've got
lots of important people around you and
they're all good and they're all great
and everyone is happy.
Friendships
shouldn't be second-best to a romantic
relationship, there's no reason why you
can't be totally platonically in love
with your friends and show them that you
love them and be really excited about
them and like just have a lot of
feelings for them.
There's no reason why
that can't happen, and if you're in a
relationship that restricts that then we
need to look at that separately.
So
meeting people.
It can be really
difficult to find people that are on the
same wavelength as you who have the same
hobbies and interests like - not -
personality but like the same attitude
towards life as you.
There's a site
called meetup where you can basically
just put in your details your kind
of interest and things that you'd like
to get involved with and it just sends you
emails of events that are happening
around you and things that you might be
interested in.
If you can hear lots of
noise in the background Theo has just
decided to have fun.. don't know what he's
thinking.
I have a meet-up account and it
is kind of centered around music or art
meditation that kind of like stuff.
I've been to one event from there, which was
really cool it was a meditation session
and it was all about like finding some
energy that like does something and you
can feel it coming out of the top of
your head so that was fun.
Some events
you have to pay for I've been really
wanting to go to a life drawing class
but it's not in my budget so I'm still
looking around for things that are
available but at least I know they're
out there.
Support groups are also
another way of meeting like-minded
people.
Trans support groups LGBTQ +
support groups,
support groups for
people dealing with PTSD anxiety
depression other mental health issues.
There's probably like loads of support
groups that I don't even know exist but
I can only imagine that they do.
So have
a look online for some support groups
near you and if you can't find any there
might be some on Facebook if you just
search what it is you need support with
and then the city that you live in or
the nearest area.
Volunteering is also a
really good way of finding people so
there's a website called do-it.org
do it with a slash in the middle or a -
That site kind of just has a whole
list of volunteering opportunities that
are around it area.
Again you kind of put
in your interests and things you want to
get involved with and they'll send you
personalized things and events that you
will be interested in volunteering can
be so many different things as well I
volunteered at cat shelters where you
basically just have to socialize kittens
and play with them all day.
I've worked
at a shop, a buddhist shop volunteering.
The
job that I have now started off as
volunteering with a youth group so it
can be anything a whole range of
activities you can get involved with.
Concerts is another thing you can do.
I know they are a little bit pricey at
times - occasionally you can go to like
open mics and stuff where it's free but
sometimes those places are like really
good to meet people that are into the
same stuff as you.
I really like going to
concerts alone I find that even if I
don't meet people I'm kind of surrounded
by people who are fueled by the same
things as me.
The last thing I've got on
my list is just finding groups on
Facebook or tumblr or any other social
media account you can find things like
running clubs in your area or like
feminist societies LGBTQ stuff - Facebook
is really good for events and stuff and
if you don't have anyone to go with
there's no shame in going to places by
yourself it is okay to do things alone
which leads me on to my next step which
is do things alone.
there is such a
huge stigma on being okay with being
alone.
For some people it is really scary
it was really scary for me in the
beginning but last year I decided to
challenge myself to start going out to
eat on my own and while some people are
like that is so strange..
You do it a few
times and you kind of just get okay with
being in your own company.
It might sound like a bit of a juxtaposition,
friends by going out alone but sometimes
when you're with people you're focusing
on those people and all your energy is
going towards the people that you're
with that you have no kind of time or
energy to maybe focus on other people
whereas if you're alone you're probably
more likely to talk to strangers than if
you are with other people if that makes
sense.
The next thing is just to be
consistent with doing things
Whether or
not it's volunteering or going to
events, or
support groups being consistent is more
than likely the best way to find people.
If you are consistent with going to
these places you're probably going to
find people who are regulars and it's
going to be something to bond over time
and you might just end up naturally
having good conversations and good banter.
Keep doing things stick with it
and you'll find people.
After you find
these people or once you've got people
that you like hanging out with the thing
I've got my list is to keep
communication open
from the outset or to at least begin
doing it.
It could just be challenging
yourself to open up things you want to
improve or things that you want to do
with this person like maybe we should
not sit here and gossip about people all day.
Be open about what you want and
what you don't want and hopefully that
will translate into a good healthy
positive relationship.
The next thing is
to bond over things.
A lot of the time is
easier to just have people around or go
for lunch with them and just end up
talking about rubbish and things that
don't really fuel you as a person and
things that don't really excite you..
Doing things that don't revolve around
toxic talk will give you more things to
talk about and more like things to bond
over that don't consist of other people
lives.
You could like go for runs
together go to the gym or do a class
together do a painting class or like a
life drawing class or go to a music
night and I don't know just do things.
I think doing things that are out of your
comfort zone also give you room to grow
as a person and to do that with a friend
will give you like an even stronger bond.
Next is doing nice things to your
friends.
A lot of the time we see things
like writing letters or giving gifts or
treating people as like a sort of
romantic thing to do.
It is really easy just forget what you mean to
a person because you're so used to that
person that you don't really feel like
you need to express that gratitude
anymore.
I think it's just nice to appreciate
people especially when they haven't had
it in a while.
I don't know about you but
I never get sick of showing my love for
other people but also getting that back
and any message I get just out of the
blue where someone is saying they love
me it makes me all like "oh that is so nice."
Maybe challenge yourself this week to do
something nice for a friend you already
have or maybe look into other ways you
can meet more people.
Yeah I think that's
it for my list of things to create a
healthy relationship.
I hope everyone is doing well, I
hope you're having a great day and a great
week and a great month and a great
everything, and I'll see you soon.
Goodbye.