[Music]
oh sweetie you have to be homeschooled i
don't want you going to a public school
where it's so
icky and covered in germs nobody wants
that
hey you want to go eat lunch on the
concrete ground covered in dried gum and
needles and dead squirrels next to the
vending machine in the trash can for
lunch i brought doritos and peanut
butter put in a ziploc bag
after i eat it we could make out if you
want i pledge allegiance
to the flag of the united states of
america
i pledge allegiance to my mom tick-tock
and my adderall
so adam fall into a deep state of
hysteria
amen okay we got a busy day today
first we have virtual science camp at 8
30 followed by violin practice and
foreign language immersion which will
bleed right into a tie-dye funsy then
we'll be a little naughty and plan our
five-person prom until i finally allow
myself
3.3 hours of socializing at becky's
house to ensure that i become a
well-adjusted adult
and not one of those weird homeschool
[Laughter]
kids
i'm talking to myself sometimes it's a
kickback
okay i'm just going to go over there and
stand by these kids who hate me just so
i don't look like a loser can i come to
your hockey game
no absolutely not hey guys
we hate you but only because we secretly
want to be you isn't that right everyone
oh shoot and fiddlesticks i've said
something weird out loud instead of
inside
and i'm on such thin ice with the cool
kids already i need a distraction
distraction what is your favorite sitcom
i love two and a half man's so much
yes crisis averted everyone you've been
distracted
oh yeah wait what were we thinking about
before i want two and a half men too
i want to wear your skin as a suit
oh mom i feel really bad today
oh baby sweetie pie pie no
you stay home today and rest up okay i
love you baby
hey she bought it boys all right now
time to stay in bed and play video games
all
day guys oh gosh darn it
hello you guys there okay what i had
said was hey
she bought it boys you know what
moment's gone
my baby is so sick you know what you
don't have to do any schoolwork today
thank you but the bible isn't school
work memorize the new testament before
noon
jesus hallelujah
no escape now you see son the u.s
government and the
public school teachers or as i like to
call them the brain
washers what they don't want you to know
is that the u.n
has already been infiltrated by at least
two aliens
and they hold the key to global warming
but they're not ready to give it to us
because we are too
violent of a species and that concludes
your history lesson
and see that's the thing about your
college-educated teachers yeah i'm a gym
teacher but i know things that they
don't they're not going to tell you
all about how tupac is living on an
island with elvis staying away from the
5g
they thought they could get away with a
4g i don't know how many g's that
tower's putting out i'm
feeling those g's who's watching the
cemeteries i'm not
you know who is the nsa you know i we're
sweating chemtrail dust do you know why
you got depression we're drinking water
mind control device
fluid in it do you know how babies are
even
born it's the reptilians hey finkel
squat deeper finkel i know you could
squat deeper than that come on
that was pretty good that was pretty
good one okay so get this
aaron has a crush on jill but jill isn't
interested because she
is in love with tina but get this even
more
tina has a crush on aaron and she has no
idea
that jill has a crush on her oh yeah
well my three frogs [ __ ] each other
every other day
and let me tell you it's hot oh that
sounds hot
oh my god they're doing it right now can
you facetime oh my god
oh my god oh my god
oh gosh dark is so cute but it'll never
work out because he's the quarterback
and he doesn't even know i exist
all right professor i peed my shirt
again can i use the restroom
oh golly chris is so cute
but it would never work out he's just so
famous and
he doesn't even know i exist
that's chris pratt when he was on that
one smosh show
you posted that you can go look up the
video
now it really happens
stop that's wrong no this is we're free
to do it
this is america what class is this
how to sex ed yeah
makes sense
oh i've worked so hard i was talking to
myself
normal well just adults do that right
they do that
well adjusted people do that piglet
please
distraction oh oh the british are coming
and they're here i will greet them
the british suck america am i right
oh are you saying we don't like i hate
america
oh my previous thing was a lie i have
eaten a pvc pipe and need to be driven
to the hospital
and that's how you ruin the scene
gosh dirk is so cute
oh my god
hey guys thank you so much for watching
brought up so cool
want to find an even more cool videos we
have a video over there
you gonna watch that one if you watched
this one have you been paying attention
if you don't pay attention you will end
up like austin austin is not allowed to
move he's also like because he doesn't
wear cool swash clothes
which we have over there and then if you
want to subscribe to swash or whatever
we have a button down there
yum that's right what do you think about
that i think so many things about
everything