- The older and more experienced you are,
the less desirable you become.
I have gone on over a dozen interviews
and these young girls seem to take a special pleasure
in rubbing my age in my face.
- I'm 26, dude.
I mean, we gotta be the same age, give or take.
(upbeat music)
- You know actually, that's not
a totally ludicrous assumption.
If no one wants to hire a 40 year old has been,
tell 'em you're 26!
People believe what you tell them.
They believe the "Real Housewives" are real.
They think that coconut water's gonna shrink their ass.
They'll believe you're 26.
- You've been out of school for four years?
- Mm-hmm.
- What would you say makes you special?
- I'm a grown up, I don't think I'm special.
(chill music) I got the job!
I am working for Diana Trout, head of marketing.
- I'm Kelsey Peters, I'm an editor here.
As Taylor Swift said, there is a special place in hell
for women who don't help other women.
I've got your back girl.
Liza, this is Lauren, she's a publicist.
(shrieking)
- That bush!
Oh, it looks like my mother's vagina.
- For your information, I call it a Wisconsin.
- I want you to meet Thad, my boyfriend.
- What year did you say you graduated Dartmouth?
- '08.
- So you must know Craig Fowler?
- Fowler loved the ladies.
- Fowler's gay.
(upbeat music)
- It looks like you have a date tonight with Josh.
- Hey!
Scaredy cat, where you going?
- Just coming to meet you.
One more thing you should know about me.
I'm all about work right now.
- I will try and keep my distance neighbor.
- Okay, neighbor.
(zipper whipping)
What you doing there?
- It's topless Tuesday on Twitter okay,
I need to tweet.
- Women post topless selfies on Twitter
to support female empowerment.
We could run a viral campaign
with our fans on social media.
- Show us your Oates is trending.
- We should introduce Liza to Richard.
Richard is an absolute catch.
(chill hip music)
(footsteps thudding)
- You looking for someone?
- I'm going straight to Bjornberg's reading after work.
Come with me! (upbeat music)
- I'm seeing Josh tonight.
- Kelsey Peters, I'm an editor at Empirical.
- Hey, Anton.
- I wanna sign you.
- Oh (laughs), that's quite forward.
(slamming)
- You just need to relax a little bit.
- I do, I need to relax.
(snoring)
- This guy's really into you.
- I know.
That's why I gotta tell him the truth.
There's something that I need to tell you.
(smooching)
Nevermind.
(upbeat music)
I was watching myself in sexual positions
I thought were only theoretical.
- Ooh, fantastic!
Congratulations!
- No, it's complicating everything.
(slamming) (yelling)
(laughing)
- Empirical is now officially the publishing house
for the English translation
of Anton Bjornberg's "Kaleidoscope of Life."
Don't let me drink too much tonight, okay,
I have to be sharp for Bjornberg.
- I got your back.
- Another round.
- Okay.
Just this one.
We're just getting started.
(gasps) We're gonna go see Josh
at his tattoo parlor in Brooklyn.
You are hot.
(yelling) (glass shattering)
(gasps)
- That moment when I saw them together,
my stomach just dropped.
- Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe this is more than just fun.
- She is a girl that I used to date.
I would've told you about her sooner,
but you said you didn't want to talk about the past.
- And is she?
- Totally.
You think that I can maybe have another chance?
- I am all about second chances.
- I'm so sorry.
It won't happen again.
- We both get one mistake.
- Charles has scheduled a meeting.
- Do you like him?
- He is a married man, Liza.
Heard rumors marriage is on the rocks.
- God, "Things Fall Apart" is one of my favorite books.
I should think it's required reading now in high school.
- It is.
- My Goddess Cup is stuck.
I need you to lock the door
and I need you to wash your hands.
- Damnit!
- Thank you.
- We will never speak of this again.
- Whew!
Let's go get a drink tonight.
I owe you one.
- I can't tonight.
I'm going to an art show with my roommate.
- I'll rescue you.
- This is my roommate, Maggie.
- Can we blow off Craigslist Maggie
and go get a drink already?
- Welcome to the inner circle, Liza.
- Ride or die!
- Salud.
Bitches!
Yes! (group cheering)
I have bitches Maggie, and we roll.
- Bill canceled my show and dropped me from the gallery.
Have a great rest of your night, yo.
What the hell are you doing?
- Trying to win you back.
I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you last night.
(upbeat music)
- Hard to make new friends.
- It's harder to lose old ones.
- What is this place?
- You'll see.
- Hey guys.
Come on in.
Welcome to your pop up gallery.
- I can't believe you guys did this for me.
- Any friend of Liza's, come on.
- Thank you!
(group cheering)
- Annabelle Bancroft.
I want this party to be epic.
- I'm going to make her run point for the party tomorrow.
- Me?
No, no, I don't need a peahen, I need a peacock,
cock, I need at least three of the biggest,
most beautiful cocks you have.
- You look beautiful tonight.
- Thank you all so much for coming tonight.
I see my dealer!
(slamming)
- Oh God, oh God, oh!
Diana?
- This party is a disaster.
- No, no, it's not a disaster.
We're a Vine.
A trending Vine.
- Get her in the car before she chokes on her hair.
- You're too smart to be known as the editor
who sleeps with her author.
- I know what I'm doing and you're not my mother.
(elevator dings)
- I wonder what we're gonna be like in our 40s.
- I think I'm gonna be a lot like I am now.
- Me too.
- Mom, only half the tuition came in for my semester.
Honey, I'm sorry about this.
I'm gonna get you that money I promise.
- For like a hot minute, I had a nice little side biz
selling my panties on Craigslist.
(sniffing) (upbeat music)
- Wait hey, hey!
I just got sniffed and stiffed.
- I have another gig for you.
- I know you!
You work for Diana Trout.
- So what brings you out to this fabulous bash?
- Just trying to get out there more
since my divorce.
Oh my God, oh my God! (glass shattering)
(gasping)
- Saw your spill last night.
I think you better stick to publishing, I'm just saying.
- Well as long as I still got to wear
hot pants in the office.
- What kind of party would you be at with Charles?
- Well I wasn't exactly a guest.
I was working.
I have this student loan payment of $1,800 due
and they're totally harassing me.
(paper rustling)
This is so generous of you
but I couldn't possibly take this.
- Consider it an early Christmas bonus.
- You have no idea how much this means to me.
- This is the most important literary event
of the season, don't get sidetracked.
Oh!
Bjornberg's wife is flying in to surprise him.
- Bjornberg's wife is coming here?
- Yes, but shh, it's a surprise.
(rustling)
(notification chiming)
- Your adventure with Bjornberg has collateral damage.
(notification chiming)
And I gotta go pick her up at the airport.
- He writes about you, his 26 year old mistress
who works as an assistant in a publishing house!
- Wait, he wrote about that?
(smacking) (speaking in foreign language)
- I have to break things off with Anton,
but I can't right now.
The Pen awards are in like an hour.
- Charles's babysitter didn't show,
so I volunteered you.
- I'm already back in Brooklyn.
- If only there was some sort of underground train system
that could get you to the Upper West Side in 30 minutes.
- Hi!
I'm Liza.
- Come to my playroom.
- You have two playrooms?
- And a media room and a library.
- Wow.
- I don't think we've officially met.
I'm Kelsey Peters, I'm Anton's editor.
- Ah, nice to meet you Kelsey.
- I'm the one sleeping with your husband.
- Excuse me?
(gentle music)
- Are they asleep?
- Oh yeah, hours ago.
- Can I offer you a drink?
- Sure, I'll have what you're having.
- You sure you're 26?
(notification chiming)
(air whooshing)
- Oh, a friend's walking me home.
- Wait.
- You didn't have to come get me.
- Hi.
- Looks like my secret breakfast spot
isn't so secret anymore.
- Oh my God, hi.
- Hi.
You know, you should take a crack
at the slush pile sometime.
- The slush pile?
Hey, where's the slush pile?
- It's that sad little stack of books behind me.
- No wait wait, wait wait wait, this one isn't that bad.
- "The Scarf?"
- It's about how this 12 year old union solider
uses his scarf to save a confederate soldier's life.
It's good, you should read it.
- Oh no, I'm not really that big of a reader.
- Oh, I didn't know that.
- Dodge ball?
- Route!
(groaning) (smacking)
- I got you some ice or is it ices?
- It's a collective noun!
- Hey, I brought you some ice.
- Books and reading are my life.
- Yeah and I'm a visual person.
I get turned out by what I feel
and what I see.
- I feel that if I came here beat up again,
maybe you'd feel sorry for me and walk me home,
and then along the way I'd say something charming
and maybe you'd forgive me.
- Our very own Liza Miller found a book
in the slush pile and it's suddenly
getting a lot of attention.
- I loved your book, I think we're going to have a big
success on our hands.
- Yes, "The Scarf" was a compelling read,
but it was more compelling the first time
it was published as "The Babushka."
- Oh, all right, you know what.
I'm sorry.
I was desperate.
It's just, you start to lie
and then you almost begin to believe it.
- You were the year of the dragon.
Oh no.
It's not a good match.
- Oh no no no, we are a good match.
I'm the year of the typhoid scare of 1988.
- So is this your new girlfriend?
- We're hanging out.
(upbeat synth music)
All right, I've never really been much for words.
I'm more of a man of symbols.
- It's for your birth year!
- When he first kisses her, he kisses her very, very softly.
- Oh, like this?
- I'm having a hot-mitzvah!
To my friends.
L'chaim, bitches!
(group cheering)
That's my special hot-mitzvah shooter.
Manischewitz and molly.
- What?
Oh my God, I love you!
- I love you too.
- That's why I have to tell you this.
I'm a 40 year old mom from New Jersey.
(cheering)
My feelings for you have always been completely real.
- Nothing was real, if it was all based in a lie.
- I totally understand if you never wanna see me again.
- Because I don't even wanna see you again.
- I still love him.
I think I always will.
- Come here.
(phone ringing)
- I'm in midtown with no money!
God!
- I knew it was you.
What the hell's going on?
- I lied about my age (laughs).
It's not a crime, Cheryl.
- Could you get me Empirical's marketing numbers
on the Ellen book?
- Isn't it proprietary information?
- Well, I don't think I need to teach you
how to color outside the lines.
- Here you are.
- What's this?
- Oh sweetie, it's our email exchange.
It's you asking for all of Empirical's
profit and loss and marketing numbers.
This goes straight to Gawker unless you back off.
- I wonder how long you think
you can really get away with this.
- I guess we'll find out.
Will you give him this?
- You never really let him get to know you.
I know we all wanna be the perfect girl
in a relationship, so maybe you just need to let Josh
see the real you, not just the good stuff.
Even the parts of you that you're not so proud of.
Don't hold back.
Get messy.
Show him the full Liza.
I don't think that it's too late.
- Hey!
So you wore polka dots to prom, huh?
- Hi.
I'm Liza Miller.
I'm 40, I'm divorced, and I have an 18 year old
daughter named Caitlyn.
- It's nice to meet you Liza.
So, wanna get a cup of coffee?
- I would love that.