So I'm playing Stardew Valley at 60fps
Errrm
Pretty phenom graphs
Eerr so let's err let's check it out
[like a total legend]
INSANELY INTENSE MUSIC
FOLLOWED BY MORE INTENSE MUSIC
MUSIC RISES IN INTENSITY THOUGH WE DIDN'T THINK THAT POSSIBLE
MUSICAL CRESCENDO THAT'S MORE INTENSE THAN THE LAST BITS OF INTENSE MUSIC
SORT OF QUIETER ENDING (BUT WE KNOW HOW INTENSE IT CAN GE.)
Why doesn't he just unseal it?
Ooh. Good throw old man
Why is my grandfather Father Christmas?
Also why have you got a samurai sword?
Okay
I'm bored. No okay
""feel crushed by the burden of modern life" I feel that already, mate.
that's literally right now
yeah
I mean that happened a a number of years ago.
Can't I, well then I just need to open it right now.
I wish ... Why doesn't..? I'm going to do this to my grands...
.. if I have .. I mean I haven't got grandchildren
There are a series of steps that need to happen before I have grandchildren
Oh dear.
This doesn't look good does it.
There I am!
Just kept it there all the time. No files or anything.
I wonder...I question how well I'm doing the jo.... oh I need to o... I need to pick it up
(Superb impression of grandpa's voice): "If you're reading this you must be in dire need of a change."
Yeah that's wh.. I mean yeah.
"The same thing happened to me long ago."
"I'd lost sight of what mattered most in life"
"Real connections with other people and nature"
It's quite ironic that I'm reading this in a computer game ...
that I'm playing
because I'm ... I've lost sight of what matters most.
" move to the place I truly belong"
Florida.
"The deed to that place ... my pride and joy Jam Jam. Jam Farm Farm"
We really shouldn't have called it that.
We should have thought more.
Jam Farm Farm
"It's located in Stardew Valley" This sounds perfect.
"on the southern coast"
Why didn't you tell me this earlier?
Why didn't you tell me the moment ... Then I wouldn't have wasted thirty years of my life
in this dead-end job
"If Lewis is still alive say hi to the old guy for me."
I mean .. shouldn't ..
Alright. Whatever man.
And I'm on the bus going to .. Surely I should have like a horse or something.
And I'm awake.
Look at this place. Ooh what's that?
Ah thanks mate. 15 parsnip seeds.
This is in significant disrepair
Taking care of business that's what I'm doing
Be gone weeds!
Unless they're ... they could actually be vegetables which I'm just now ...
I wouldn't know to be honest.
I don't even like parsnips
There we go.
Robyn's gonna be well impressed when she sees this.
Just chopped down a tree.
No big deal
I mean no one really likes parsnips.
When I plant.
I always just hold them above my head and I throw them on the ground.
Nailing that.
That.
I did not mean to give that much water.
Shall we go into the town?
What am I supposed to do?
This is all quite pricey mate.
Why do you s..
"I sell cherry saplings, apricot saplings and flooring"
COME ON!
I need a drink.
I'll be the first person in there
The moment it turns 12 I'm walking into the Stardrop Saloon.
Alright gimme a beer.
And maybe some spaghetti.
No that's ...
Oh my god
Did I?
I just spent four hundred ....
whatever they are
on a beer.
Who are you, weirdo?
It's fine, that's fine, that sounds legitimate.
But the fact that you're standing alone in the middle of a field makes me question ...
I'm going to need to see some some qualifications.
This is where I'll bring the people when I want to kill them.
I mean
Is this a good present?
It's basically a whole lot of hassle isn't it.
Didn't tell me about this did you Grandpa?
It's like giving someone a piece of Ikea furniture they have to build themselves.
That's not a present.
I can't be bothered I'm just going back to bed.
<sigh<
Just walk straight out of bed guys.
That's how I always do it.
Ooh. I have a letter.
Could you have made your letter any more unnerving, Willy?
"Hello there. Just got back from a fishing trip."
Don't care.
"You should come down to the beach some time."
"I've got something for ya."
"Willy"
Is there not a way to automate this?
Maybe if I went back to work in that cubicle I could work out a way ....
Maybe there are people who work out ways to automate this.
Oh let's fill up my watering can.
By apparently pouring water.
The daily grind continues.
How.. I'll tell you what that cubicle is beginning to look verrrry verrrrrryyy ni.....
Why did I not know about this farm growing up if that was his favourite thing?
What made Grandpa leave the farm? That's what I wanna know.
Why has my ... why has my farm got a theme tune?
playing from some hidden speakers.
It's like Disneyland
... but with more
labour
It's 8:30am.
I've just watered a rock.
I'm done. I'm so done.
3:10pm. Yes, I'm going to sleep. Wouldn't be for the first time.
Grandpa's going to be so happy ...
He didn't .. he didn't look well did he.
This farm is incongruously big.
bit harsh isn't it.
To be honest, this is as monotonous as the life I was leading in the cubicle at work so
What is the .. I suppose what is the difference?
Do I just get to see stuff grow?
There's something nice about seeing a a massive merger grow out of nothing.
Or a big ....
I don't know enough about business to even make that joke.
"To our valued JojaMart customers" Those are the company I was working for!
"Our team members have removed the landslide caused by ... " well
that's nice.
But they did do the drilling operation so ...
What's this telling me?
Flower dance?
Egg festival.
Are you kidding me?
Yes I've been drinking. What of it?
That's almost paid for my lager.
I'm going to bed.
Sleepy time.
NEXT WEEK ON GAMEBALLS
I'm the only guy who's messing this town up.
"What do you want? Leave me alone."
I'm going to give you a sweet pea, Shane.
"This is great! Thanks!"
See, that's all it takes!
I didn't bring anything for the potluck!
We're gonna make so much money.
But that's not the point.
The point is ..
.to feed the people
By making money.