-Welcome back, Wanda!
-Thanks for having me.
-You've been here a lot, and we love having you.
First time you're here for a live show.
What would you normally be doing at this hour?
-Uh, sleeping.
[ Laughter ]
No, home watching you, Seth. -Oh, thank you so much.
Did you watch the debate tonight?
-I did, I did. -Did you see anything you liked,
anything you didn't like?
-At one point, I was like, "Did the Russians hack this, too?"
[ Laughter ]
It was weird, right?
-It was a little weird, yeah. -It was really weird.
Like, a lot of them, I think,
should probably go home and go, "What was I thinking?
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-"I shouldn't be doing this. This is silly.
Look at me up there. Like, come on, man.
This is crazy." [ Laughter ]
-I feel as though, over the course of the night,
like, people should be allowed to just leave.
If they feel like it's not going particularly well.
-Right, yeah. Just -- Yeah, just go...
-"I'm sorry. I'm gonna go."
-Right, yeah.
-Congratulations on your special.
It's fantastic. Two Emmy nominations.
-Why, thank you. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Absolutely. -Thank you.
-You talk about President Trump a fair amount in the special,
and a lot of people, I think, in this era,
for people like you and I, have said, "Oh, my God.
It must be so easy writing jokes about him."
I don't find that necessarily to be true.
Do you find that to be true?
-No, I don't, yeah. Because there really
isn't anything that we can write that's funnier
than the things that he actually says.
-I know. [ Laughter ]
-I mean, like you just did -- "I know nothing."
I mean, how can -- You can't --
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
And if we said it, it would seem like,
"Oh, you just hate him." -Exactly.
"I also just want you to know he said it, too."
-Exactly, exactly.
And also, the audience is so polarized, you know?
It's like either they hate him or they love him,
so it's kind of hard to get everybody to -- you know.
-I think you do a great service to your audience,
because you, right off the top, let them know
if they've made a mistake. Yeah.
-Yeah, I let them know -- "Oh, you're gonna hear something."
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
"And if you come to my show, and you don't think
you're gonna hear something, oh, you messed up again."
[ Laughter ]
"That's two mistakes."
-You were just on vacation. You went to France, yes?
-Yes, yes, with my wife and friends, so, yeah.
It was h-o-o-ot. -Yeah, well, Europe
had this crazy record. -Yeah, yeah.
And we were in the south of France, you know,
near, like, right on the Mediterranean.
It was -- It was nice, but like I said, with that heat.
And this time, my wife, they picked an apartment
that was, like, way up on this hill,
so every time you go down to the beach,
it was like over 100 steps to get back up to the apartment.
So, some days, I was like, "I ain't going to that beach."
[ Laughter ]
"I can look at it from here. It looks nice."
You know, or if you go to the beach,
and then you go back home, and you, like,
forget something at the beach.
You just threw that away. That's all.
It's like, "I'm not going back for that."
-Yeah, no. -Like a towel or a kid.
I'm not going back. [ Laughter ]
-Do your kids like the beach? -Oh, they love the beach.
-See, that's my problem. I don't like the beach, either.
My two boys love the beach, and I'm just screwed.
I'm like you now.
You got to put up with it, right?
-Right, right. -For your kids.
-What do you do? I mean, you sit on the beach
and you're just annoyed, right? -Yeah.
-'Cause either you're in the water
or you're not in the water. -Yeah.
-And if you're not in the water, you're just sitting there
burning up. [ Laughter ]
-And if I had to sit anywhere, the last place I'd pick
would be the sand. -Right.
-Like, people say, "Go read a book."
I'd be like, "Why can't I read a book at home?"
-In the air-conditioning. -Yeah.
In a thing they built for sittin'.
-Oh.
-You know, like a chair or a couch.
-Yes. -And then they say,
"Go swimming," and then you come out,
and then you get --
The only thing that's worse than dry sand is wet sand.
-Right. Yeah. That's the worst.
-And then, you know, my wife's like, "Stop bitching about this
in front of the kids." Yeah.
-Exactly. -'Cause they don't want --
I'll be like, "Kids, you want to go inside and read books?"
They're like, "No." -That's me!
I try to go, "Ooh! You know, I think
there was some ice cream inside."
[ Laughter ]
"Anybody want ice cream? You want ice cream?"
-You bribe them inside. -Yeah.
-You are -- It's kind of one of
the interesting things about the category
you're nominated in, because stand-up specials
sort of end up with other variety specials,
and so you're actually nominated in the same category
as Beyoncé this year. -Yes, yes.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yeah, I mean, that's an accomplishment in its own right.
Me, Beyoncé, Bruce Springsteen. -Yeah, the crew.
-Heard of them? [ Laughter ]
The hell? This is not right.
-Has that happened to you before?
You've been nominated before. -Yeah, yeah.
And I always get these crazy categories.
Like, one year, it was me,
I was up against Tony Bennett's life.
[ Laughter ]
And then, one year, I was up against
the 50th anniversary of the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame.
So it's like me against rock 'n' roll.
[ Laughter ]
-Do you work a little bit -- Do you work less
on your acceptance speech when you're up against
rock 'n' roll or Tony Bennett?
Do you think, "I'm not gonna have to give a speech tonight"?
-Yeah, you go, "You know what? I'm gonna wing it
if I win this one. [ Laughter ]
-It was very nice, because I think this happens.
People in show business are very --
They try to congratulate other people in their category,
let them know that, "Hey, we're gonna be friends
no matter what." And you --
Even though you were in France, you congratulated Beyoncé
and you posted a video.
You mind if we show that real quick?
-Sure. -Let's take a look.
-Beyoncé, I just want to say congratulations
on your Emmy nomination.
I know you probably own one of these.
[ Laughter ]
-Lot of yachts. -Lot of yachts.
-Lot of yachts.
-Congratulations on both nominations.
Thank you so much for making the time
and coming out here late at night.
-Absolutely. -Always a pleasure to see you.
Wanda Sykes, everybody.