Hey everyone, Geoffrey here.
And in this video I'm going to show you the five step process that I take all my
clients through to help them fix their broken marriage.
And if you want to empower yourself with the right skills and with the right
knowledge to turn your relationship around by herself,
then you want to subscribe to this channel and click that bell button to be
notified when I post new videos five days every single week.
And so if your partner is not wanting to fix a relationship right now or once,
nothing to do with helping turn around the relationship, that's okay.
Because when we change our approach,
when we get you to start doing the right things,
you can bring out a change in the whole relationship.
[inaudible]
so how do you fix a broken marriage? You know,
there's so many levels to this and when people are having a broken marriage,
it can feel very overwhelming because it's not just one thing anymore.
It's not just one thing that is destroying the relationship.
It's a combination as the complex web of 100 things of many things that are
coming together. And when you think about this thing,
when you think about fixing the relationship, you often think,
I don't even know where to start. I don't even know where to begin.
And so in this video, I want to help you clarify that in your head.
What is that one next step?
You need to actually start fixing that broken marriage.
So the first thing you need to understand is that you alone have the power to
fix the relationship yourself.
So a lot of people think that it always takes two to tango,
that if my partner does not want to fix the relationship,
then I'm kinda done for. But that's not the case. In fact,
I know I've worked with over 200 couples to fix their marriage.
And in most of those cases it begins with one person wanting to break that
cycle, break that negative cycle,
and start to perpetuate a more positive cycle in the relationship.
And the way you can see your power here is by looking at how this cycle goes in
a negative direction. So let's say for example,
that your partner is angry right now. And when your punter's angry,
you have a choice to how you want to respond.
And if you choose to respond by also getting angry back by getting,
by getting sarcastic back, then you are choosing to perpetuate the cycle.
And when you get angry back, they'll make your punter even angrier.
You're pondering or getting angry or will make you even angrier.
And the cycle just goes on.
And so you there made a choice to perpetuate the cycle of anger.
But in that same interaction,
if your partner is angry and you respond well and you respond by understanding
how to calm your partner down,
then you're choosing to break the cycle and you are starting this more positive
cycle where as you call me upon or down,
then your calm partner will make it easier for you to stay calm and to actually
resolve any differences that you have.
And so that's one example of how you can really break the cycle.
Just by controlling how you respond.
You can really start to make the whole relationship a lot better as well.
And so that's exactly what we're trying to do here in that when we're trying to
fix your broken marriage, all you can focus on is just on what you do.
And once you start doing the right things,
you can really start to break the negative cycle and perpetuate a much more
positive one. So how do we actually break the cycle? You know,
what cycles are we actually trying to break here that can bring some really good
results to the relationship? Well, in my experience,
you have to go through five phases and you have to go through these five phases
in this order.
And this is what I called the relationship and mountain because it's like
climbing a mountain.
You have to climb one step at a time in order for you to get to the summit.
And so at the bottom of this mountain is something called emotional safety.
And if you want to learn more about what emotional safety is,
then you can click the link above my head to watch my video,
where I talk exactly about this topic. But just to give you a cliff notes here.
Uh, you have emotional safety when both of you,
you and your partner can really express the full extent of your feelings of your
emotions without the other person getting mad.
So you don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells and you don't feel like you
have to suppress your emotions or hide your emotions because of the fear that
your partner might actually react badly to it. But you can honestly,
openly and without hesitation, express whatever you feel to each other.
And emotional safety is really the key if you want to have a very calm and a
very harmonious relationship.
Because the reason why a lot of relationships gets really tense is that instead
of all of these gripes, all these conflicts being expressed,
they have to hide it. And when you hide emotions like that, it brews,
it festers and it grows in a mutated, into something very vicious.
It's almost like a volcano where the more stuff you suppress,
the more pressure you build and the more pressure you build,
the more likelihood that people will become very threatening, very defensive,
very angry,
playing the blame game and all these bad things that you have that prevents you
from having a harmonious relationship. But once you have emotional safety,
then you can really create a more comradeship because you will now understand
how to manage each other's emotions very well and you can always prevent
arguments from happening. And so that's emotional. Safety is step one.
In order for you to rebuild your relationship,
you have to focus on creating emotional safety first.
The second step is something called psychological safety.
So while emotional safety is safety, you are expressing your emotions.
Psychological safety is safety and expressing your thoughts, ideas and opinions.
And so once you learn how to be calm, you can go to the next step,
which is actually communicating better.
And psychological safety is the key to really, really good communication.
Communication simply is just the exchange of ideas between two people.
And so if one person or both persons are not willing to be open to be honest
about what they express, then communication breaks down.
You cannot have communication if one or both persons are not willing to express
themselves and so if you don't have psychological safety here,
then you will not be able to express herself and when you're kind of expressing
herself, then the communication breaks down.
That's when people lie and some people tell half truths and that's when your
relationship becomes plagued with so much misunderstanding here.
Then once you build the psychological safety,
then the third step is to build admiration and so when you can really have an
emotionally harmonious relationship and when you can communicate effectively
together and actually resolve some conflicts together,
then you would start to slowly build that admiration for each other too.
You know, you can start to solely look up to each other and think, Whoa,
my partner, actually a good teammate,
my partner is actually a good person to work with and that's going to be
building admiration right there.
Then the fourth step is something called gold diamond.
And so once you have admiration,
it makes it easier for you to align goals because whatever differing goals your
partner has, you coming from a place of admiration there,
you're coming from a place of respect.
And so that makes it easier for you to align goals. You know a lot of couples,
they can't align goals because they talk about their own ideas to talk about
their goals. But if their goals differ,
then instead of coming from a place of understanding,
they're coming from a place of judgment because they don't generally admire each
other.
They don't admire the other person and they don't admire and respect what comes
out of the other person, including their goals and ideas. And so on.
The last of the fist step is really your sexual passion.
And so once you have stages one through four built here,
then you can focus on sexual passion,
which we all know is just building this intimacy,
building this romance and building this sexual satisfaction from your
relationship.
But I think about the system is that you have to build this in order.
You cannot skip steps here.
So let's look at what happens if you do actually skip steps. So let's say,
you know, you're trying to build psychological safety,
improve your communication before you're able to control and manage each other's
emotions here through emotional safety. Well,
what happens is you can try all the techniques you want to communicate better,
to be more transparent and so on.
But as soon as you're transparent and you can't control their emotions,
an argument starts. And as soon as an argument starts,
that will destroy that psychological safety that is needed for good
communication to happen in the first place.
And so a lot of people will come to me and and say, Oh,
we have communication issues. And I asked them, well,
how was your emotional safety?
Can you actually manage and control each other's emotions well and control your
own emotions well? And they say, no. Well,
you can't have good communication until you understand how to attain those very
intense emotions. And the same thing for admiration.
And a lot of people complained, for example, Hey, my partner doesn't respect me.
My partner does not admire me and I want my partner to respect me,
to start respecting me.
But really the main problem here is not that their partner does not respect
them, but that they don't know how to communicate together.
They don't know how to manage your thoughts and emotions.
So all these arguments and all these difficulties resolving conflicts makes it
really difficult to see each other as teammates,
to see each other in a good way and to really admire and respect each other.
And so you can't build admiration until you build emotional safety and
psychological safety. And the same thing for goal alignment.
So a lot of people say, you know,
my partner wants to do one thing and I want to do another thing,
and our lives are always at odds. We never agree on anything. Well,
my question to you is, do you actually deeply admire each other to where if,
let's say your partner has a very differing idea than you and different idea of
how to do something,
that you're coming from a place of admiration where you say, Hmm,
I really admire this person.
I really respect what they have to say and their ideas are different from mine.
Let me discover why their ideas are valuable.
So that's what happens if you have that admiration to begin with.
And so resolving conflicting goals when you have admiration is a lot easier
because you're coming from a place of understanding and discovery rather than
judgment. But if you don't have admiration,
then anything your partner says that you don't agree with,
you're instantly going to judge it and know that your idea is better because you
generally do not admire or respect what your partner has to say.
And the last thing here is sexual passion.
So a lot of people complain that they haven't had sex in months and they're
trying to get me to tell them some, some tricks, some bedroom tricks,
some intimacy tricks,
some seduction tricks to help them revive the sexual passion.
But the truth is the problem doesn't lie in sexual passion.
The problem lies in that they haven't created all other four of these pillars
here. So they have no goal alignment, which leads to a lot of conflicts.
They don't admire each other. Don't look up to each other.
They don't have good communication.
So they keep a lot of repressed stuff and they get into arguments all the time.
And if all these conflicts happen,
then it's really hard to be in the mood for sex in the midst of all these
conflicts.
And so you have to build this in this order because if you skip steps,
then it'll make it really hard for you to build that pillar because the
prerequisite is needed to make building the next pillar much,
much more effortless and much easier. So looking at this five stages here,
which stage do you think your relationship is in now? Are you in stage one,
stage through three, four or five? You know,
leave a comment below and tell us which stage are you in right now?
And there's two reasons why the system is so useful.
So one is that it makes things easier for you.
So instead of focusing on doing a hundred things on fixing a hundred things,
all you need to think about is just these five things.
If you fixed all these five things, then you will fix that broken marriage.
And so it really simplifies the heuristics that you need to make in your head
when you're trying to fix that broken marriage.
The second reason why this works and really helpful for many of my clients is
that it allows you to find the root cause so you can really work on the top down
here and say, am I having some sexual passion issues? If the answer is yes,
then you can go down further from that and say,
do we struggle with goal alignment here? If that's the yes again,
then you have to go down and say, do I have some admiration issues?
Then if that's a yes, then you can go down again and say,
can we communicate effectively?
Can we actually communicate openly and freely or do we actually have to walk on
eggshells all the time? If yes,
then you can go through the bottom here to the first phase and say,
do we have emotional safety? Are we arguing a lot?
Do we have a lot of pent up emotions who have a lot of repressed stuff.
And if that's a yes, then that is really the root of your problem.
And that's where you need to start.
And that's why the system is so useful because it gives you a really,
really clear idea on where to start. And so if you're at phase one right now,
all you have to do is find all the information you can to really create
emotional safety. And once you find that root cause,
so let's say you're in stage one in phase one right now,
that's all you need to focus on. You know,
you can forget about building admiration,
you can forget about making goal alignment right now.
You can forget about sexual passion because the root of the issue right now that
you need to focus on,
the one thing you need to focus on is really how to build emotional safety and
how to learn the skills to really control and manage your feelings,
your partner's feelings, and to whole emotions in the whole relationship.
And so let's talk about what happens if you actually built this in the right
order. So if you build emotional safety first,
then what happens is you're letting you and your partner go through a lot of
emotional healing there because when you build emotional safety,
you can have finally express all those things you've been penting up and when
you express all those things you've been putting up, you resolve it,
double create a lot of feeling and they'll make both of you less defensive.
And once you become less explosive,
then both of you can really remain calm and have a much more harmonious
relationship. Then once you have a harmonious relationship,
then it makes it easy for you to build psychological safety because now whatever
you talk about, you can talk about it in a calm way,
in a nonthreatening way that allows for really good communication to happen.
And when you can address things in a really calm way like that,
then you can start to resolve some conflicts.
Even the most difficult conflicts you can start to resolve.
Then once you start resolving more and more conflicts,
you will start to see your partner being more of a teammate than an enemy,
more of a friend than a competition.
And that makes it a lot easier to for you to look up to your partner because you
think, Hey, my partner actually knows some pretty good stuff.
My partner is actually a source of solutions rather than a source of problems.
And so that makes it easier for you to create admiration right then and there.
Then once you have admiration,
it makes it easier for you to create a goal alignment because again,
when your partner has some differing goals,
you're not going to instantly judge it because you generally admire your
partner. Instead,
you're going to focus on discovering and understanding why do I think my partner
who someone I admire and respect think this idea is valuable, right?
So when you think like that, when you can approach it with discovery like that,
then it makes it easier to reconcile conflicting goals and to really become one
team because you're really understanding each other's goals really well and
you're moving in the same direction.
And once you move in the same direction like that and you have goal alignment,
then all these four things, all the harmony, the great communication,
the great admiration you have for each other.
And also the goal alignment will make a much more fulfilling and much more
harmonious relationship where the desire for sex actually just comes naturally.
And let's say that sex is broken, you cannot talk about it.
You can talk about sex and you can use the admiration and the goal alignment and
the communication skills and the calmness that you have to talk about.
What's the problem with the sex here? What can we do better with the sex?
And you can coach each other to build better and better sexual intimacy and
sexual passion. And so that's what happens if you build this in this order.
And the great thing about the system is that you don't have to force things to
happen. So when you skip some steps here,
you have to force sex to happen despite having all these conflicts.
But if you build this in this order,
you realize that the next step becomes a lot more effortless.
And so if you want a detailed resource here that will allow you to build this
foundation, so focus on steps one and two,
which is psychological safety and emotional safety and really master that and
your relationship.
Then you want to download my four day training series and this four day training
series.
We'll teach you exactly step by step on how you can create this foundations for
yourself and really set yourself up for a lot of success in your relationship
and once you build this foundation,
you'll find that turning your relationship around and healing it and making it
better, it will be a lot more effortless because you have the foundations set.
So if you want to access this four day training series,
then you can click the link in the description box below this video and if you
have some other questions or other concerns about your relationship that you
want to address,
then you can also join our free Facebook group where you can post your question
and actually get really good advice on your questions.
And if you want to join that Facebook group,
then you can also click the link below this video.
So if you found this video valuable and it helped you clarify your mind on where
to start, when fixing your broken marriage,
then give it a like and subscribe to this channel for more content like this
one. And I'd love to hear from you of these five steps,
where are you now and which ones do you want to learn how to build,
and which ones should I make more videos on? So leave a comment below.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and I love to make more videos that will be
really helpful for all of you. And as always,
thanks for watching this video and your,
remember that you have the power to transform your relationship by yourself.
So never underestimate your own power here. But for now,
I'll see you in the next video.