today we have a question from Fernando
Amen I like your videos I have a concern
and probably the best option was asking
you for advice my concern is that I
don't know what to do when people insult
me I overreact and I insult them until
they feel bad my ego is so inflated that
when a person insults me I tell myself
that I am better and I wonder why
inferior people are insulting me when
they should be admiring me what do i do
man
please make a video about it I don't
want to sound defensive anymore I want
to start off by congratulating you
Fernando for submitting this question
the first step to improving yourself is
actually being humble enough to identify
problems within yourself that you like
to change that in itself is a huge step
that the majority of people have a hard
time doing now the second step of course
is to actually go out there and take
action and make the change to answer
your question there's a short answer and
a long answer the short answer to what
do I do when people insult me is to
agree and amplify when somebody says
something to you the way you react
determines the frame of the conversation
now keep that word in mind frame it's an
extremely important concept that I'll
probably have to make another detailed
video about the frame is the way that
the entire conversation is interpreted
by all parties including yourself the
person saying these things to you and
anyone else that's listening for example
let's say somebody's calling me fat a
rich looks like you put on a lot of
weight
now there's three main ways that people
would respond to something like this the
most common of which would be to get
offended they snap back and they get
angry when you do something like that
you've set the frame as what you said to
me right now was offensive
you were intentionally attacking me with
your words I am mad at you right now
when you set the frame like this it
shows insecurity it shows a lack of
temperament and very often it will scare
people off because you're coming off as
a person who takes things too seriously
second most common way that people
respond is by staying quiet when they
hear something that they don't like they
hold it in and they take it very
personally when you respond with silence
you frame the situation as what you said
is true and it's okay for you to say
that to me right now this is going to
make you seem like a pushover on top of
that most people who respond in this
manner or the type of people who will
replay the scene over and over in their
heads and it hurts them this is an
especially dangerous type of reaction
because the pain stays bottled up inside
and causes self-esteem issues and
finally option three is the least common
of reactions they'll agree and amplify
so let's say for example again somebody
was to say hey rich looks like you've
been gaining a lot of weight all we
gotta do is agree yeah man I have an
amplifier didn't I tell you that I was
five months pregnant I know you want to
touch my tummy when you respond like
this you set the frame as hey we're just
buddies who joke around all the time
that you don't take any offense to the
things that you say and that it's all
just fun and games when you frame your
interactions like this you're showing
the world including yourself that silly
things like this don't bother you this
reaction comes off as more confident and
significantly more attractive when you
start applying the green amplified to
social situations you're going to notice
an improvement in your social life and
that's because the agreein amplify stems
from a carefree laid-back vibe which is
universally attractive is even a saying
by a famous public speaker named Adlai
Stevenson you can judge the size of a
man by the size of the issue that
invokes him now what about that long
answer that you mentioned earlier in the
video well the green amplify is more of
a surface level solution they can use to
come off as more confident and carefree
the long answer answers the problem that
is a lot deeper the same problem that
causes us to respond defensively in the
first place and that's the question of
how do I learn to love myself warts and
all and that's going to be the topic for
next week's video if you guys want to be
featured in our next Q&A episode please
leave some questions below and I'll be
sure to look through all of them alright
stay tuned