- Here, what would you like to hear a rap about?
- [Man] Winning a rodeo.
- Winning a rodeo, my gosh, is that a thing
you've ever experienced?
Yes?
Oh my gosh, I feel like we were speaking about
the wrong manly man when he was on.
How many rodeos have you won?
You're having to think so hard, like.
- [Man] Maybe 40?
- Maybe 40.
(crowd cheers)
What, that manly man left, he felt intimidated.
(crowd laughs)
I think you just got the biggest applause
of the night like yeah jokes are fine
this guy won 40 rodeos.
This where I'm gonna show my ignorance,
that means you've killed the bull, right?
(laughter)
Okay, so winning a rodeo,
that is a great suggestion.
If you are in this kind of segment of people,
what do you wanna hear a rap about?
- [Woman] A beauty pageant in Minnesota.
- A beauty pageant in Minnesota.
I don't know the stereotype of Minnesota,
are people there ugly?
Is that why that's funny?
(laughter)
No, are you from Minnesota?
No, okay though see you're very pretty,
that makes sense then.
Okay, so beauty pageants in Minnesota
and winning rodeos.
So far guys these are quite good suggestions
so the next three suggestions don't let me down.
I'm gonna come to the front row
the person you with is ducked out
being like "I'm too intimidated to
come up with a suggestion,"
but don't worry, there's other people who can help,
what do you want a rap about?
- [Man] Medical debt.
- Medical debt, oh My gosh.
Way to bring the mood right down.
May I inquire do you yourself have problems
with medical debt?
- [Man] No.
- No, not right, not right now, wow!
Optimism, real optimism.
Just like, not right now
but Chris, we're all gonna die, right?
We're all--
(laughter)
Okay, medical debt, beauty pageant in Minnesota,
winning a rodeo or winning 40 rodeos.
Let's come to you guys over here.
What do you want to hear a rap about?
- [Man] White privilege.
- White privilege, do oh, yeah!
That's a great suggestion.
I mean, it's really, again, spoiled the mood a lot.
(laughter)
But, I like that, I'm down with that
and let's come to the back of the room.
What would you guys like,
this is the last suggestion,
so make it good.
- [Man] Playing basketball on your first Tinder date.
- Okay cool, that sounds like
it came from experience, right?
(laughter)
- [Man] Yeah.
- Yeah, but you went on a date
and they invited you to play basketball,
or you suggested it?
- [Man] They challenged me and then we played,
and decided winner takes all.
- Wow, winner takes all.
That is pretty crazy,
I mean, sex, right?
That's what we're talking about?
It's like skateboarding HORSE
but the loser gets fucked.
Okay cool, so
I don't play basketball
but I know skating so (mumbles)
okay, wait, what's the,
you could play HORSE in basketball though,
can't you?
- [Man] Correct.
- Yeah, okay, cool,
see - I know about your country and culture.
Right, those suggestions are great.
To remind you, the suggestions were
a beauty pageant in Minnesota, medical debt,
white privilege, playing basketball on your Tinder date,
and winning rodeos.
Those are amazing suggestions guys
and as a treat for you,
I'm gonna take them
and turn them into a flawless, a perfect,
a brilliant freestyle
People over there are laughing,
they don't think it's gonna actually happen,
they think I'm gonna put the mic in the stand and leave.
No, it's gonna happen.
It's gonna be a freestyle made up on the spot,
not rehearsed, not prepared, don't worry,
it won't be anywhere near as atrociously bad
as you're expecting a privately educated,
middle-class, white, British boy to be.
If we can drop the beat my friend,
let's have some fun.
(hiphop beat)
Ah, yeah!
Still so much glitter.
I'm gonna start in this corner with you.
♪ I'd never never travel far and wide ♪
♪ I don't go there. ♪
♪ Looking at the hot ladies in Minnesota. ♪
♪ Not hot in a kind of temperate way, ♪
♪ because it's north of the border I heard today ♪
♪ that people in Minnesota behaving so nice, ♪
♪ living near Canada, yeah, my advice if ♪
♪ You move from L.A leave a California city. ♪
♪ You could win a pageant there, ♪
♪ 'cause the ladies are less pretty, ♪
♪ they look shitty, they're like, ♪
♪ maybe six out of 10, ♪
♪ you'd look at them and go, ♪
♪ eurgh the legs on them are kinda ♪
♪ wobbly and horrible, short and stumpy. ♪
♪ I touched one once, she was kind of lumpy, ♪
♪ but the wrong place, not like an hourglass, ♪
♪ it was like, straight, then here, ♪
♪ and then no ass, ♪
♪ I was not impressed at the size of her breasts. ♪
♪ I'm very sorry this misogyny is hard to digest ♪
♪ but let me move on. ♪
♪ Since I was a little kid I benefited ♪
♪ so much from white privilege. ♪
♪ I never got stopped by the po-po. ♪
♪ They saw me walking with a knife, ♪
♪ they were like, "go free", ♪
♪ and I wandered around, getting drunk, ♪
♪ I was getting out of my car, ♪
♪ I had weed in the trunk ♪
♪ but then they saw me there ♪
♪ and were like, "nah, you're nice, we like you," ♪
♪ why? ♪
♪ Because my skin was white. ♪
♪ All of the privilege that I got paid more, ♪
♪ I could walk into a random house ♪
♪ through the back door when I was drunk ♪
♪ and the owner wouldn't call 911, ♪
♪ wouldn't just assume ♪
♪ my skin colour means I'm a felon. ♪
♪ They let me go, ♪
♪ gave me a little cake. ♪
♪ It was really nice. ♪
♪ On a holiday I take down in Texas, check us, ♪
♪ I go with my guy, I'm on the back of cows ♪
♪ and they're kicking me high, ♪
♪ but I never fall off ♪
♪ because I've got a great grip on the handle. ♪
♪ I hold it, yeah, I never do slip, ♪
♪ it looks vaguely like I'm in a sexual position. ♪
♪ When I win rodeos, I have an emission, ♪
♪ because it gets me hard, ♪
♪ it gets me so aroused. ♪
♪ The cheers from the cowboy hats out in the crowd going ♪
♪ "this guy, look at him go, ♪
♪ "he's got 4-0 on the rodeo," ♪
♪ no L's never kicked off the back of the steer, ♪
♪ if you don't know how to do it, ♪
♪ then you're a queer ♪
♪ because people who like ♪
♪ that type of sport usually have not been liberally taught. ♪
♪ Anyway, if it ends badly, don't forget ♪
♪ you might break an ankle ♪
♪ and get the medical debt ♪
♪ because insurance doesn't cover activities ♪
♪ if you're of a rodeo rider proclivity. ♪
♪ They're like, "it's your fault, you're the one to blame. ♪
♪ Oh you now owe a hundred thou? ♪
♪ What a shame. ♪
♪ You'll die in the gutter, ♪
♪ you'll die on the bed, ♪
♪ and even when you're dead, ♪
♪ you'll still have the debt. ♪
♪ We pass it on to your heirs ♪
♪ or your progyny, ♪
♪ they're like, "please get the medical debt off of me," ♪
♪ but they can't get it, ♪
♪ they'll never be free. ♪
♪ Wanna go on a date with me ♪
♪ and try and shoot threes? ♪
♪ Okay, yeah, I'm pleased to report ♪
♪ I'm sinking all of the baskets on that court. ♪
♪ I met up with a nice lady on Tinder, ♪
♪ she was from Minnesota ♪
♪ so I wish she was thinner, ♪
♪ but it was okay. ♪
♪ I said play with me we're playing basketball, ♪
♪ you'll lose calories. ♪
♪ You'll get even thinner ♪
♪ and then you'll jump high. ♪
♪ I can dunk balls quite well for a white guy. ♪
There you go.
(audience uproar)
Thank you very much for watching,
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