[APPLAUSE]
Hello.
I'm Samantha Bee-- thank you so much.
Welcome to "Full Frontal."
Wow.
What a week for our poor president.
He's been bombing harder than Mike Huckabee at an open mic
night.
And his Republican friends can't get out the door fast enough.
Fuck the two drink minimum.
REPORTER: The latest count by CBS News
shows at least 24 House Republicans oppose
the American Health Care Act.
President Trump warning fellow Republicans
vote yes for the GOP Health Care Bill or Else.
"Washington Post" quoting President Trump saying,
"I'm going to come after you."
Watch out guys.
He's got the might of the Russian army behind him.
Doubling down on his wiretap-p-ping foolishness
has brought nothing but derision.
Even on the editorial page that's so conservative,
it gets offended when it gets recycled.
This is from the editorial.
"Yet the President clings to his assertion
like a drunk to an empty gin bottle."
Oh, where did he get an empty gin bottle?
He must have wandered into Steve Bannon's office.
Then there's the President's budget,
which Republicans are giving less support than this jogging
bra designed by men.
It's dead on arrival.
It's not going to happen.
It would be a disaster.
Oh, now.
Be fair.
Distilling Trump's spittle-flecked campaign
jeremiads and incoherent revenge fantasies into policy
isn't an exact science.
And if it were an exact science, this budget would defund it.
EPA down 31%.
That's what this budget calls for.
State, 28%.
HHS, Health and Human Services, down 16%.
And HUD, a $6 billion cut there.
Moving it to defense.
$52 billion there.
To the veterans, $4.4 billion.
Homeland Security $2.8 billion.
This kind of sounds like when an insecure guy tries to make
his penis look bigger by shaving down everything else around it.
And if you don't buy my dick metaphor,
here's how Trump's budget director, Mick Mulvaney,
describes the plan.
This is a hard power budget.
Oh.
I thought Hard, Power, and Budget were the names
of Paul Ryan's three children.
You know, Trump didn't write this thing,
because well, you know, so he just shoved some good luck
cilantro in his budget director's pocket
and sent him out to defend it.
This budget simply re-allocates
and reprioritizes spending, as any
family or business would do.
That leprechaun is right.
Families routinely tweak their budgets
by canceling their kids' education,
throwing out all their books and medicine,
selling their smoke detectors, and redirecting
all their money to guns, ammo, and a moat
stocked with alligators.
Oh, and making the nanny so miserable that she quits.
What you would see if this budget were enacted
would be an awful lot of empty metal desks in Washington, DC.
Empty metal desks that can be beaten into swords.
Am I right?
Ever Hard, power.
[GRUNTING]
[CHEERING]
It's contagious.
President Trump's budget reveals something
very important about him.
No, lame stream media, not just his priorities.
Jesus, get an original idea.
It reveals that he has no fucking clue what he's doing.
Surprise.
Let's look at one wasteful government
program getting the ax.
Energy star.
Kiss it goodbye, snowflakes.
Energy Star costs taxpayers about $57 million a year,
but saves consumers and businesses $34 billion a year,
which looks like a great return on investment,
unless you're someone who was somehow stupid enough to lose
money in the casino business.
Gosh.
If only there were some way to tilt the advantage
to the casino owner.
Unlike intimate contact with the President,
Energy Star is voluntary.
Companies can still make coal powered
hairdryers if they want to.
I mean, this is America.
It just provides options for people
who want to cut their utility bills without going back
to the way our ancestors did things,
vacuuming with a baby elephant, and doing
laundry in a pelican's mouth.
At least, that's what I read in Betsy DeVos's textbooks.
But our President doesn't give a shit about any of that.
So let's talk about something he is unhealthily obsessed with.
American carnage.
Bingo.
I'm going to take you back to something
awful that happened in 1995.
- And it's a deal? - Yes.
You eat that pizza the wrong way.
Crust first.
No, God. No.
No.
Something, somehow, even worse that happened in Chicago
when people had insufficient air conditioners
and turned them all on at once.
REPORTER: A heat wave in 1995 killed more than 700 people.
Police trucks lined up to drop off bodies
at the Cook County Morgue
About 250,000 households lost power.
Elevators don't work.
Water pumps can't get water up to higher floors.
Obviously, the air conditioning doesn't work either.
OK this is the Worst Buzzfeed listicle ever.
The difference between the demands the utility can handle
and the demands that cause the blackouts was just 3.2%,
which means a slight improvement in AC energy efficiency
could have prevented the blackouts
and many of the deaths.
But we probably won't see more heat
waves, right, Lucky Charms?
Regarding the question as to climate change,
I think the President was fairly straightforward.
We're not spending money on that anymore.
We consider that to be a waste of your money.
Fine. You know what?
Fuck it.
Trump's America is already a figurative hell.
It may as well be hotter than hell too.
We'll be right back.