Hello and welcome, my name is Heather I’m a registered professional counsellor and a
certified life coach. Today I’m going to be analyzing the episode where Lorelai has
doubts about her relationship with Max. Let’s get to the show.
Lorelai and Max have officially started dating! From my understanding they’ve been spending
a lot of time together and this was another date night where they’re at Max’s and he cooked dinner.
Max lends Lorelai a book, which looks like it’s a first edition, which
is rare and expensive, which shows a level of trust and comfort between the two of them.
Next let’s take a look at another date night.
Sorry I had to include this scene just because I thought it was really funny. But essentially
Rory wasn’t supposed to be there when Max arrived.
This shows that Lorelai was still trying to keep Rory separate from her dating life.
Rory let's Max into the house and they have a conversation around possibly seeing more of each other
outside of school. I think it’s a very practical conversation to have especially since Max
thinks that the relationship is going well and will continue to go well. When there’s
changes to the relational dynamics like this, it’s important to be open and honest about
how we’re feeling and to try to understand how everyone else is processing the changes.
This next scene Lorelai and Rory are getting ready to go skating.
Max came up with an idea to help with this transition and those dynamics and suggests that
they have different names to call each other when they’re outside of school and Rory
said that she’ll call him Norman and then she suggested Alfred. Let me know in the
comments if you see Max as more of a “Norman” or “Alfred”.
It’s normal that at the beginning of any romantic relationship that there’s going
to be a honeymoon period or a time where you find yourself spending all your free time
with each other. This is perfectly normal, especially as people are getting to know each other.
We can see Lorelai getting uncomfortable with the idea of Rory getting attached to Max.
Rory told her that she likes him and likes that they’re together. So why would this
make Lorelai uncomfortable? Well, she could be worried that the relationship is getting
too serious and for Rory to invite Max to go skating with them and by calling him by
his first name, it shows there’s already a level of attachment already made and this may also
be a signal to Lorelai that the relationship is getting serious and she’s not ready for
that. This can also be a new experience for Lorelai and she doesn’t know how to react
because maybe Rory has never liked any of her previous boyfriends before or even knew them. Let’s see
if we can get any more insight from her conversation with Sookie.
Lorelai is already showing that she has doubts about Max. Clearly this is a recent thing and happened
shortly after Rory wanted to invite Max to go skating. By saying “he’s
a great guy for someone” she’s already trying to emotionally distance herself from him.
Sookie is calling Lorelai out and says that around the same time in her relationships,
Lorelai finds reasons to end it. Now this is fine if Lorelai uses the two month
mark to reassess how the relationship is going and realizes that they’re not a good fit
or they want different things and it’s best to end things sooner than later. What would
be concerning is if she ends all of her relationships, despite how much she actually likes the other person,
and she ends it out of fear. And this can be an example of one of those times. It sounds like
from what Sookie was saying, this is a repetitive pattern of Lorelai's. And hopefully, Lorelai can take that feedback
and really reflect on her behaviour and her past relationships. Maybe it is a pattern that she's not aware of
but it's obvious to her friend Sookie.
Lorelai’s reasoning behind breaking up with Max revolves around Rory and that she’s
concerned that Rory is getting too attached with Max. Sookie expresses her disbelief by
saying “Oh, Rory’s getting attached to Max?”
By making Rory the main reason as to why she’s breaking up with Max, Lorelai is essentially
distancing herself and how she feels by roping Rory into the situation.
She justifies this by saying she’s being practical and that Max is not the person for her and that’s
what she’s decided. She could have just said that she realized that Max isn’t the
right guy for her and left it at that, it would have conveyed more confidence in her
decision and it would have showed, at least to me, that she did put a lot of thought into
their relationship and came to the conclusion that they weren't right for each other. In
that case, she would have owned her feelings and taken responsibility for them,
but by saying Rory is getting too attached, it sounds like an excuse.
And it can also be related to Lorelai's experience with her past relationships
I would be curious as to know what a relationship looks like to Lorelai or what does being in a
relationship mean to Lorelai. This behaviour can also be explained by
Lorelai's attachment style. So it's possible that Lorelai's attachment style is heavily based
on avoidant attachment. I'm not going to dive too deeply about what attachment styles are
I think I did mention it in one of my previous videos, but essentially attachment styles can be
determined by our early childhood experience and our relationship with our guardians or parents.
Typically, the attachment styles are:
secure attachment, preoccupied or anxious attachment, and dismissing or avoidant attachment.
And then there's also disorganized attachment, but that's really rare to have.
Next week’s episode I’m going to take a look at when at when
Lorelai breaks up with Max so make sure to subscribe
and hit the bell so you don’t miss that episode. If you have any scenes or relationships
you’d like me to analyze, leave your suggestions in the comments below.
I do read them all and I am keeping track of all of your suggestions
and I'm planning on making videos of them hopefully in the near future!
In the meantime, take a look at my other therapist reviews videos on Gilmore Girls and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.
Until then be kind and love yourself.