Let's talk about white ladies.
There's a lot of things they love:
bottomless mimosas, being on their friends' boats,
and pumpkin spice anything.
But this year's biggest trend for white ladies
is calling 911 on black people.
It's a scenario that's become all too common,
where a minor incident results in a white person
calling the police on a black person.
In this case, a nine-year-old black child was accused
of sexually assaulting a white woman at a Brooklyn deli.
There are officers down the block. They...
"Cornerstore Caroline."
I love that now black people are giving white ladies
their nicknames on the spot.
No. 'Cause it used to take a couple of days,
but not it's instant.
It's almost like black people are thinking of nicknames
for every white lady they see
just in case some shit goes down.
It's like we're walking around like, "Okay,
"she would be, 'Lower Your Voice Laura,' all right.
"That one's 'Bathroom Betty,' oh, 'Rooftop Rachel,'
I actually hope she calls the cops so I can use that one."
So "Cornerstore Caroline" joins
a whole bachelorette party of white women
who have called the cops on black people in 2018.
"BBQ Becky," "Permit Patty," "Pool Patrol Paula,"
and just like them, "Cornerstore Caroline"
was not gonna let anyone talk her out of calling the cops.
(audience reacts)
Okay. First of all,
"Good-bye 911 operator"?
White ladies call 911 so much
they just talk to them like they're dating?
Is that what it is?
"Oh, 911 operator, you hang up.
"No, you hang up.
"Okay, on three.
"One, two, three.
"Are you still there?
"Oh, me, too.
I love you, 911 operator."
And you know a white lady is going too far
when other white women are trying to stop her.
(laughter)
So wait. So wait.
Now white ladies are using the term "white lady" as an insult?
"You cut me off, white lady."
"Hey! Who are you calling a white lady, white lady?"
"You're about to get a face full of rosé."
"Oh, yeah? What year?"
"2013!" "I love that year."
"Me, too. Oh, my God, me, too.
"Oh, my God. I totally love that year."
"I love it, too."
No, but kudos to that other woman
for stepping up; that's an ally.
And here's the thing, here's the thing:
If you're an adult
and a nine-year-old kid grabs your ass,
you don't call the cops, okay?
It's a kid.
Kids grab things all the time.
I've been in the subway and felt a grab,
and I looked down and it was a kid holding on to my leg. Yeah.
I wasn't like, "Ah, sexual assault."
I did what any adult does, all right?
I picked him up, told him his mom chose me,
and I took him home.
(laughter)
You don't call the cops.
And here's the thing, I'm just saying, like,
even if we never knew what really happened,
she was in the wrong, in my opinion.
Except, we do know what happened because there's a video,
and it turns out that kid wasn't grabbing anything.
TV REPORTER: The store surveillance video
tells a different story, clearly showing
the boy's backpack accidentally brushed against Klein.
(audience reacts)
Yes. It was a brush by a backpack,
not a sexual assault by a nine-year-old.
Those two things should be easy to tell apart
unless this was the kid's backpack, then I'd understand.
(laughter)
And, honestly, like, we can joke,
but it's hard to watch the story and not be reminded
of Emmett Till way back in 1955.
False allegation against a black child by a white lady.
It's the same ingredients.
But, the one silver lining in this story is this:
Two days later, "Cornerstore Caroline" went back
to that same store and somehow,
the whole hood was there waiting for her.
TV REPORTER: Back in Brooklyn, last night a dramatic scene.
Klein returned to the store and reviewed the footage,
taunted by a crowed.
(indistinct shouting)
(bleep)
You can put that on WorldStar.