- Previously on Phil,
I made the dumb idea to leak my phone number
and this happened.
Oh my god, look at WhatsApp.
Should I be worried
that this might actually explode the phone?
This is actually cursed.
I should not have done this.
- I'm in a cupboard.
- I like to put whipped cream up my--
- In that video, I only did phone calls.
What about the text messages?
Who slid into my DMs?
Let's turn him on.
That's what he said.
No going back now.
We got an Apple logo.
It's not completely burned to a crisp.
It doesn't smell of smoke yet.
Don't set on fire, don't set on fire, don't set on fire.
There's 9,906 text messages.
Why are people still texting this?
It's been like three weeks since I made that video
and a text just came in saying,
Hey, Phil, it's Nicholas.
Call me.
Nicholas, if you know anything about me,
I'm not gonna call you,
especially when it's as ominous as this.
You've always gotta say what it's about
in the text message, Nicholas.
You can't just leave me hanging.
Ah.
I'm just gonna delve into the depths of these 9,000 texts,
see what I can find.
All right, I'm gonna choose a random one.
Chop.
No.
Why would you send me this?
I think this is one of the top five times
I've looked my worst.
Just enjoying my fourth glass of vimto.
- No.
- Okay, the next person has sent me owo about 400 times.
And now there's a voice note and I'm scared.
- Owo, owo, owo, owo, owo, owo.
- No.
11 minutes and 53 seconds long.
Ooh.
Is it bad that my first thought was step on me?
Hey, do you wanna see a video of me falling on my ass
in front of 1000 plus people at my graduation?
Yes.
Oh no, oh no, is it you?
Oh my God.
Oh my God, no, please.
Oh, no, you're okay.
Oh, it's you.
It's gonna be this one.
No, no.
Oh no.
I feel your mortification,
but you didn't face plant.
That's the thing.
So you kept the gown clean.
A pretty fitting end to my high school career.
I mean, it brought me joy
and hopefully the rest of the internet,
so maybe it was worth it.
Proud to be a member of the LG TV community.
Same.
I always knew he was one of us.
Hey, Phil, you better put me in this
or else the golden pig is gonna die.
I just heard someone shout at their kid
and their child's name was chicken.
It might have been a Northern English mum
'cause they were like, how are you, chicken?
How are you doing?
Or my mum's friends that used to see me and go,
how are you doing, cock?
I remember when I couldn't tie up my shoelaces.
She was like, aw, little cock.
You'll learn soon.
It is a thing they say.
I mean, I'm pretty tall.
I dunno why I wasn't big cock.
And at least I wasn't microcock.
Moving on from that tangent.
I feel like I've reached the really cursed section now.
How many M&Ms do you think you can stuff in a human body?
Are we using every hole?
I'm gonna say 15 packets if you really shove 'em in.
Not the peanut ones though, geez.
What is with?
I've had so many Sonics come through.
Hey girl, nice ass.
I bet.
I can't say that.
Ooh, I went to prom with a girl
and our prom was the first day of Pride month.
It was written in the stars.
Oh, I wish you a happy life together.
Rate this man.
I'm gonna give him a six
because I'm really bad at untying knots.
So if you want to access the man,
I'm gonna have to undo the knots and I just can't do it.
I don't know how to do it.
You just pick at them and hope for the best.
Why isn't there a knot class at school?
I feel like that would be more helpful.
Someone's asked me to Apple Pay them $28.
Please help a sis out.
I was tempted to do that just for the video,
but I'm scared it will like send my address to them
or something.
Shrek just sent me a trio of Harry Styles to bless my day.
Do you know what?
Whenever I look at that man,
I do feel a sense of peaceful calm wash over me.
Thank you.
Also, I've got my contact lenses in,
so I don't think he's a roast chicken this time.
That is a roast chicken.
Oh.
It's 'cause his head is so close.
Meep.
Her name is Kevin.
Kevin is having some deep thoughts right there.
Ooh, someone's hitting on me.
I've got some pickup lines.
Are you a computer
because you're hotter than the bottom of my laptop.
I like that one.
If someone's on a dating app saying that,
it ticks two boxes.
Firstly, it's funny.
And secondly, it has a laptop reference,
which is how I spend most of my day.
So yeah, all right.
I'm in there.
Did you sit in a pile of sugar
'cause you've got a pretty sweet ass.
No, you lost me.
Phil, so I'm pregnant.
What?
Congratulations.
If you respond, I'll put Phil in the child's name somehow.
See, the name Phil isn't that exciting,
but I feel like we could jazz it up a bit like Philthor,
Philonius, Philzon,
Choose one of those.
I mean, they're gonna go far.
The next person just went, Lester?
Again, scary vibes.
Why are you calling me by my last name?
Only the footbally straight boys at school did that.
Lester, kick it over here.
You've missed the goal again, you muppet.
Beep beep.
Ooh, a cursed AI of Ed Sheeran eating some watermelon.
Tag yourself.
I love that one in the corner.
I wanna be his friend.
Beep.
If the multiverse is real,
I hope at least one of my counterparts is a cannibal.
What?
That way, at least one version of me
can experience the thirst of human flesh
and gnaw on the bones of my enemies.
I might wanna stop.
Do I need to call the army right now?
No one's gonna see this,
so I might as well tell you I'm queer.
Ah.
Well, that means a lot that you even text that to me.
That's a brave step in its own.
I mean, I don't think I would've had the courage
to text a random person just to even say that,
so the fact that you've told me.
There's never any rush to tell anyone
and I wish you luck in your great queer journey.
Something so wholesome then just followed behind this.
You never know what you're gonna get.
Beep.
Yo, I dunno if this works, but if this is really Phil,
you're an absolute gem of a human being.
Aw, so are you for sending this.
And you made my teenage years so much better.
I met my best friend at your first Glasgow tour date.
We just went to see MCR on Monday,
celebrating seven years of friends.
I could cry.
Such a sweet message,
and then three seconds later,
you text me Breddie Mercury.
I appreciate that equally.
Meme.
Hi, Phil.
My friend could stick her whole finger in her belly button.
What?
No, no, they couldn't.
Wait, if that is a back,
that's gonna go halfway through you.
Are they sure that's a belly button?
I don't want proof of this, by the way.
So I'm just gonna believe you.
How's adult life.
I just turned into an adult and I don't understand.
Why is it also terrifying?
Here's a secret.
No one ever figures it out.
It's just everyone with imposter syndrome
going through life pretending they know what's going on.
I reckon 95% of us feel the same.
I still don't really know how to use a spanner.
I've been added in so many group chats
and y'all are just having your day to day conversations
with me sat there like.
It feels a bit intrusive,
so I've not been reading them,
but I will rate the names of the group chats.
Mer daddies based on the infamous photo
of Dan in Singapore.
I had a great time in Singapore,
so I'm giving you guys an A.
Minecraft.
I don't know what those emojis represent.
Do I want to know?
As you know,
both of my attempts at Minecraft ended in disaster,
so I'm gonna give that a C.
Demons pride era.
There's no Pride month without demon.
That's getting an A.
Female exit inc 2022.
No, let it go.
And unknown group chat, you were removed.
That's getting my D.
Meep.
Hi, pinol, string cheese, lotion.
You texting me your shopping list?
Totally forgot to text you
because I had to get a fecal transplant.
Wow.
Well, thank you for sharing.
I hope it went well.
Steve Harrington?
Yes.
Beep beep.
My boyfriend left me.
This is my only source of serotonin.
Oh no, you can do better anyway.
Wait, no, you couldn't.
Nevermind.
We're back together now.
Thanks anyways.
Love you, girlie.
Wild twist.
We're all pressure.
Phil, I'm getting married next year.
Please pick my bridesmaid dresses.
You can't give me that responsibility.
I have no fashion sense.
Have you seen me trying to dress?
Oh, they're all black.
That's cool.
I'm assuming your wedding dress is gonna be black as well,
so the first one looks a little bit too wedding dressy to me
for some reason.
That one is nice.
I like the texture
and the fact you can see the arms through it.
Like, you're some kind of death angel or something.
That's really cool.
Ooh, a shoulder moment.
That one's nice too,
but if you've got candles, not that one,
'cause someone's gonna lean into a candle
and then set on fire.
That one's too blue, I think.
For some reason, that's giving me bridal assassin vibes.
Ooh, that one again is a bit too powerful.
I don't want you to be upstaged.
Unless your dress is insanely more epic than this.
I'm going with this one.
Sorry if I've got no fashion sense.
I like it.
I hope you have a lovely time.
Beep.
Hi Phil from Dan and Phil.
Do you like my fur suit?
My first furry.
Hi.
Yeah, I like it.
Is it a horse or is it dragon?
A horse dragon, a drorse.
Either way, it's good.
You're not gonna get lost at Fur Con, are you?
No, someone just sent me the entire transcript
of my first ever video.
Hi, I'm Phil.
Welcome to my video blog.
Beep.
Hey, Phil.
I'm at the crown court.
Let me know if you want anything.
I'd like a slice of justice, please.
I'm the person that made you wear the maid outfit
and I'd like to apologize.
You should apologize.
That was a terrible choice.
Oh, this is a very insightful one here.
Banana, banana, banana, banana.
Damn boy, can I eat your ear wax?
No.
I just had my ears cleaned actually,
so I don't have any.
Go find some other ear hole.
- And you have two options,
Dan or Phil?
- Phil.
Oh
- You like Phil?
You're a Philly?
- The dog looks slightly ashamed to be a fan of me though.
He's like, I guess.
So I picked a baby name.
Now, someone wants me to choose their tattoo.
I actually like them both.
I'm gonna go for the butterfly sword
'cause it reminds me of something from Final Fantasy,
like a legendary weapon.
The other one's cool as well,
but I feel like I would drop the moon in that situation.
Someone sent me a digital touch.
I've never had one of these before.
What's this gonna be?
I mean, should have seen that coming.
- Beep beep.
- No, no, no.
That's enough, I'm done.
And I just hit myself in the balls with the phone.
This has not being a good minute of my life.
Ah, I need to take a moment.
- Six hours later.
- I'm gonna throw this SIM card into a fire
because it is a truly cursed object.
Subscribe to my channel, have a great day,
have a great life, and I will see you next time.
Good by..