LOTS TO TALK ABOUT IN THE NEWS.
WE'VE GOT AN UPDATE ON PRESIDENT TRUMP'S NATIONAL EMERGENCY
DECLARATION WHICH IS, OF COURSE, USING TO GET HIS BORDER WALL
WHILE HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI HAS NOW ASKED MEMBERS OF
CONGRESS TO SIGN A LETTER THAT WOULD OVERHAUL TRUMP'S
DEFá(URJz AND THE RESOLUTION IS SCHEDULED TO BE INTRODUCED
TOMORROW.
I THINK IT'S JUST NICE TO SEE A WOMAN SIGN A LEGAL DOCUMENT
ABOUT TRUMP THAT ISN'T A HUSH AGREEMENT.
(LAUGHTER) IT IS STRANGE.
NOW TO PUT THIS INñr TERMS THAT THE PRESIDENT WOULDñr UNDERSTAND
BASICALLY NANCY PELOSI IS BEING A WALL BETWEEN TRUMP ANDçó HIS
PRECIOUS WALL AND POLITICALLY SHE'S GOING TO MAKE HIM PAY FOR
IT.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)ñr
NOW HERE'S THE THING, THIS IS WHY, IF YOU HAVE TO HAVE A VOTE
ON WHETHER OR NOT SOMETHING IS AN EMERGENCY, I DON'T THINK IT'S
AN EMERGENCY.
NO ONE CAN BE LIKE OH MY GOD, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE, OKAY,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
LET'S SEE WHAT THE NEIGHBORS THINK BEFORE WEÑ.' CALL 911.
INçó OTHER TRUMP NEWS, ACCORDING TO A RECENT ARTICLE, HEALTH
OFFICIALS HAVE BEEN INSPECTING DONALD TRUMP'S NEW YORK CITY
RESTAURANTS.
AND HAVE WRITTEN HIM CITATIONS FORÑi NUMEROUS CRITICAL HEALTHñr
VIOLATIONS INCLUDING LIVE MICE.
YEAH.
THE PRESIDENT IS ALREADY CALLING THIS ANOTHER CASE OF HYPOCRISY
BY THE LIBERAL MEDIA.
HE SAYS OH, SURE, IT IS BAD WHEN MY RESTAURANT HAS A MOUSE IN IT.
WHEN DISNEYLAND HAS ONE EVERYBODY LOVES IT.
BUT IT'S NOT SURPRISING THAT TRUMP'S RESTAURANTS ARE
ININVESTED WITH VERMIN WHEN YOU CONSIDER EVEN HIS LAWYER LOOKS
LIKE A RAT.
MOVING ON.
(APPLAUSE) MOVING ON.
WE'VE GOT SOME EXCITING TECHNOLOGY NEWS TO TELL YOU
ABOUT.
YESTERDAY SAMSUNG ANNOUNCED THE RELEASE OF THEIR BRAND NEW
PHONE, THE GALAXY FOLD.
IT DOES THIS.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I KNOW.
IT'S PRETTY COOLçó BUT HERE'S TH CATCH.
IT COSTS $2,000.
YEAH.
FOR THAT MUCH BET TER BETTER ALSO UNFOLD INTO A CAR.
THE NEW GALAXY FOLD CAN INSTANTLY DOUBLE IN SIZE.
IT'S BASICALLY ME AFTER THE HOLIDAY BREAK.
BUT SERIOUSLY, LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.
BUT SERIOUSLY THIS IS A REVOLUTIONARY ADVANCEMENT IN
SMALL-- CELL PHONE TECHNOLOGY, THINK ABOUT IT, NOW YOU HAVE
TWICE AS MANY SCREENS TO CRACK, IT'S WONDERFUL NSM OTHER NEWS
THE OLYMPIC INTERNATIONAL COMMITTEE IS LOOKING AT THE
POSSIBILITY OF HAVING SOME NEW SPORT TO THE 2024 SUMMER
OLYMPICS IN PARIS.
AND ONE OF THOSE SPORTS COULD BE BREAK DANCING.
YEAH, I KNOW.
(APPLAUSE) IT'S INCREDIBLE.
IN A MOMENTÑi JUST LIKEçóÑiÑi TH AN OLYMPIC ATHELETE.
THE BREAK DANCERS WILL BE JUDGED ON OVERALL ATHLETIC ABILITY,
FLEXIBILITY AND WHICH HAT THEY CHOOSE TO PLACE IN FRONT OF THEM
DURING THE PERFORMANCE.
BREAK DANCING IN THE OLYMPICS IS THE FIRST EVENT IN HISTORY WHERE
YOU CAN BECOME A GOLD MEDALIST AND SHOW STILL DISAPPOINT YOUR
PARENTS WITH YOUR CAREER CHOICES.
WE HAD TO TELL BUT THIS, ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY DOG
OWNERS TAKE MORE PICTURES OF THEIR PETS THAN THEY DO OF THEIR
SPOUSE.
YES.
I FEEL LIKE, I FEEL LIKE THIS STUDY HAS ALREADY BEEN CONDUCTED
SEVERAL MILLION TIMES BY ANYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN ON INSTAGRAM.
DOG OWNERS TAKE MORE PICTURES OF THEIR PET THAN OF THEIR SPOUSE.
THE SAME IS ALSO TRUE FOR CAT OWNERS, EXCEPT THEY NEVER HAVE
SPOUSES.
(LAUGHTER) AND FAINLLY THE MARSHMALLOW
HOLIDAY CANDY PEEPS RECENTLY ANNOUNCED SOME STRANGE NEW
FLAVORS INCLUDING COTTON CANDY, ROOT BEER FLOAT AND PANCAKES
WITHSJU YEAH, EVEN THE MICE IN TRUMP'SÑi
RESTAURANT WERE LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'RE GOOD, I'M ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU THINK PEEPS ARE STOPPING WITH THESE DI GUSTINGLY
SWEETENING NEW FLAVORS, ARE YOUÑ WRONG, THED TOW UNVEILED THEIR
NEWEST FLAVOR, SCREW IT, THIS ONE IS JUST SUGAR.