Our lives are shaped as profoundly by personality as by gender or race.
And the single most important aspect of personality is where we fall on the introvert-extrovert
spectrum.
This influences our choice of friends and mates, how we make conversation, resolve differences,
and show love.
It affects the careers we choose and whether or not we succeed at them.
There are a few theories about the differences between introverts and extroverts.
But the main one is where where we get our energy from.
Introverts tend to recharge by spending time alone.
They lose energy from being around people for long periods of time, particularly large crowds.
Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from other people.
They actually find their energy is sapped when they spend too much time alone.
They recharge by being social.
Of course we all fall at different points along the spectrum.
We have some degree of both introversion and extroversion, but we tend to learn to one
side more than the other.
Carl Jung, the psychologist who first popularized these terms,
said that there's no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert.
He said that such a man would be in a lunatic asylum, if he existed at all.
One third to half of people are introverts.
If you're not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to or friends with one.
If these statistics surprise you, that's probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts.
It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves.
We live in a value system called the Extrovert ideal - the belief that the ideal self is
a sociable, talkative and comfortable in the spotlight.
Society has put upon us that introverted and quiet style of being is not the right way
to go, but we're supposed to be more outgoing and extroverted.
Many introverts hide their introverted qualities to fit in.
But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly.
Some of our greatest ideas, art and inventions came from quiet people who knew how to tune
in to their inner worlds.
Without introverts, the world would be without: the theory of gravity, Google, Harry Potter,
the theory of relativity and so on..
If you're an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause a deep psychic pain.
You might have heard your parents apologize for your shyness.
Or at school you were told to "come out of your shell", that noxious expression that
failes to appraciate that some animals carry their shelter everywhere they go and some
humans are the same.
That's why introverts often have a feeling that there is something wrong with them.
But there is another word to describe people that spend so much time in their head: thinkers.
So let's see what are some common differences between the two personality traits.
Introverts and extroverts differ in the level of outside stimulation that they need to function well.
Introverts prefer less stimulation, as when they sip wine with close friends, solve a
crossword puzzle or read a book.
Extroverts enjoy the extra bang that comes from activities like meeting new people, going
to concerts, and playing sports.
Many psychologists would agree that introverts and extroverts work differently, as well.
Extroverts tend to tackle assignments quickly.
They make fast decisions, and are comfortable multi-tasking and taking risks.
They enjoy chasing rewards like money and status.
Introverts often work more slowly and deliberately.
They like to focus on one task at a time and can have mighty powers of concentration.
They're relatively immune to the lures of wealth and fame.
Our personalities also shape our social styles.
Extroverts are the people who will add life to your dinner party and laugh generously
at your jokes.
They tend to be assertive, dominant and in great need for company.
Extroverts think out loud and on their feet.
They prefer talking to listening, rarely find themselves at loss for words and occasionally
blurt our things they never meant to say.
They're comfortable with conflict, but not with solitude.
Introverts in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings,
but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas with a book in hand.
They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues and family.
They listen more than they talk, think before they speak and often feel as if they express
themselves better in writing than in conversation.
They tend to dislike conflict and many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.
Introverts are not shy.
Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference
for environments that are not overstimulating.
The mental state of a shy extrovert sitting quietly in a business meeting may be very
different from that of a calm introvert- the shy person is afraid to speak up, while the
introvert is simply overstimulated- but to the outside world, the two appear to be the same.
So where do you find yourself more?
On the introverted side or the extroverted?
Or do you possess both qualities equally?
If so, you might be an ambivert, right in the middle of the spectrum, combining the
best of both worlds.
Tell me which are you in the comment below.
So whether you're an introvert or extrovert, it doesn't matter.
Both have their own set of advantages.
It's up to you to take note of them and make the most out of them.
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