[Ben] Ooh, and the diner got automated spatulas.
They're flipping burgers with - get this - TX-20 robotic arms!
[Xenon] Ha! What do they think they are, a satellite factory?
[laughs] Ah, Zeenie-Bikini, Grant-A-Wish-Cause-You're-My-Genie!
A long-distance relationship is truly the best relationship.
Oh, that reminds me, I have a surprise for you.
I'm actually going to be in town this weekend!
Ah! Thank goodness! The distance was killing me!
There was a travel emergency for work - a top-secret, deadly virus.
Anyway, I can't wait to see you.
To mark this occasion, let's do something extremely romantic.
How about an evening of enchantment at the Museum of USB Cables?
Oh! You know what I'd like to do? Let's go driving.
Last weekend, I had so much fun driving around with my work friend, Albert.
Ha-ha! Albert? That's a fun new kind of name for a female work companion.
-No, Albert is a guy. -[gasps] A gu-gu-guy?
Yeah, he works in the Gentle Mechanics division.
A Gentle Mechanics guy? All right, then! We'll go driving, too!
-Hooray! I'll see you in 172,00 seconds! -[chuckles nervously]
How are you going to drive Xenon? You don't have a car.
-Ha? -That's not his biggest problem.
-Who's Albert? -Mmmm...!
♪ Wa-oah! ♪
I can't believe that you told Xenon that you have a car.
I didn't tell her that! I just, uh...
chose not to fully explain that I did not have a car.
Oh, Ben. A relationship without honesty is like candy without a bag.
-Where is it going to go? -On the floor, in your hand, your mouth.
-Ugh! -All right, fine.
I'll call Xenon, and tell her the truth.
And then she'll probably leave me for Albert with the car!
-What? -Stop whining!
-We're going to find you a sweet ride. -But I love whining!
This car-buying site says that they have cool cars at hot prices.
Or hot cars at cool prices. Whatever!
I'm Crazy Dr. Internet Doctor Car Salesman with crazy car deals!
I got four doors, two doors, no doors.
I got fast cars, slow cars, cars you have to pedal.
Tell 'em how crazy I am, Nanny!
Crazy Dr. Internet Car Salesman! No offer is too low!
♪ B-best in town Don't be a clown
-♪ Come on around... ♪ -Do it, Ben! Make him an offer!
-Do it! -Yeah, I'm doing it!
-I'm going to save my relationship! -Can't put a price on love!
All the money I have and let's see...
Are you crazy? That's not enough money for a car.
-But you said no offer was too low. -No, the goat said that.
-B-but that's all the money we have! -All the money you have?
-Stop whining! -But I love whining!
I'm sorry. You're-you're breaking up.
No?!
In less than 36,000 seconds, Xenon will be here and discover my car-less-ness.
And that will be the end of our relationship. Goodbye, Xenon!
The only place I've ever driven you is into the gentle arms of Albert.
Don't give up. There has to be a way for us to get a car. But how?
I don't know, but while we think about it, let's have one of our barbecues.
Huh?
[Ginger] Check out my new remote-controlled car!
I painted it to look like our taxi. Pretty sweet, huh?
Not now, Ginger. We need something for Ben to drive.
-Oh, okay. Double cheese me, Hank! -Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!
[sniffs] Ah! There's something so special about food that's been cooked on a car.
Yeah, that's for sure. Car food is the-- Wait a minute!
Ben, you can drive the taxi!
Huh! It was right under my nose and I didn't even see it.
Kinda like my mouth. What's my mouth doing right now?
Of course! All I have to do is put the engine in the taxi before Xenon gets here.
-Where would I have put that engine? -Oh, we got rid of that years ago.
Okay, all I have to do is build a working taxi engine before Xenon gets here!
-[Tom] And that should do it. -[Ben] A lot of steps,
-but I think I got there. -Thanks.
Okay, time to fire up this lean, mean
driving vehicle! [engine starts]
Check the mirror. Good, good.
Heat seems to be working. Blinkers blink-blink.
And now...
I drive!
[crash]
Ben, what happened? Don't you know how to drive?
Of course I know how to drive. I got a perfect score on the test.
-Wait, you mean the written driver's test? -Yes.
What about the part where you actually drive?
Why would I have had to personally drive a car
in order to know how to drive a car?
-[Tom] You know what? I should help you. -No.
I'm going to figure this out on my own.
For Xenon!
[crash]
Ha-ha. Cool.
-Ben, you're doing it, buddy! -Look at me go! I'm a motorist!
Okay, time to go a little faster.
Hank, you can stop pushing now.
Bleugh! Okie-dokie.
I am ready to start the engine.
[engine starts]
[Ben, screaming] Somebody stop the engine! Stop the engine!
-Whoa! -Slow down! Slow down.
Okay, you're going the right speed.
But get back on the road! Aagh!
[Tom] This. Is. A. Staircase!
-There. Was. No. Sign! -Look out!
[both scream]
[Ginger] Oh, no! Look at me. I'm Ben. I'm a terrible driver.
Aggh!
[Hank] Mm, lucky you crashed into a marshmallow factory, Ben.
Yup, what a delicious accident.
Could you crash into a graham cracker factory and a chocolate bar factory?
I can't drive. Now I'm going to lose Xenon.
I should just call Albert and congratulate him and then slowly let myself fade away.
Don't worry, Ben. I'm sure Xenon will be fine hanging out with you.
-Car or no car. -[phone beeps]
Welcome to my video blog, Xeno-philes!
[laughs]
In just two hours-- oh, I mean 7200 seconds, I'm going to see my boyfriend.
The thing I'm most excited about is going driving in his car...
C-c-car...car...car...
Thank you, computer glitch. I do not need you to tell me my relationship is doomed.
[Ginger] Oh, no! I'm a terrible driver!
My girlfriend is going to dump me!
-Grrr! -I'm called Ben, by the way!
Ginger, I've had enough of your stupid remote-controlled car!
[gasps] That's it! That's how I'll drive Xenon around! Fantastic!
You know, Ben, I'm not the measuring type, but I don't think you'll fit.
[Tom] So, you turned the taxi into a remote-controlled car.
Okay, now all you have to do is pretend to drive it.
Technically, I will be driving it... with science!
I've programmed a series of romantic destinations into this car.
A hillside! A computer surplus depot!
[Xenon] Ben! I'm here!
Xenon!
[violins swirl romantically]
-Oh. It is so good to see you, Ben. -Yes, as always. How are--
-Hi. -Mm-hm. A-herm.
Your carriage awaits.
You will note that it's technically not a taxi.
Oh, yes. I see that.
[Ben chuckles]
[engine starts] It works!
I mean, let's go.
[Xenon] Woo-hoo! Yeah!
Er... Yeah!
And now I am driving you to my favorite view.
Yep, me driving. That's what's happening here.
Hey, what's the steering wheel doing?
Ah... Hey! Look at the... Look at the world!
Oh, neat! Oh, it is the world!
[whistling]
Whoa! Ugh!
Ginger! You left your remote-controlled car in our yard!
Hmm... I used to be pretty good with these things.
I wonder if old Racin' Hank has still got it. Now, where's the remote?
Oh, there it is, right behind the old hiding rock.
Nice try, rock!
[nervous] Hey, Ben. Um, I want to tell you something.
It's... It might sound a little crazy!
-[both laugh] -Well....
I actually wasn't sure if you knew how to drive.
Ha-ha. Me, not knowing how to drive?
Ha-ha. Well, I think we've safely put that theory to bed--
[tires screech]
[horn honks]
Hm, I used to be so good at this.
-Hey, Hank. What's the problem? -I can't get this thing to work.
-What are you doing? -Just showing off in front of my girl!
You know I got a greed for speed!
-Hm. Do you think it needs batteries? -Er, let me try.
Perhaps you want to check out the pergola again, my lady?
-Oh, Ben, what are you doing? -Just, uh, circling the park bench.
-Press this? No. -[Ginger] What's everybody looking at?
We can't make your car move.
Of course you can't. You don't have the remote.
-Oh. Then what's this control? -Let me see.
[both] Aaaggghhh!
It's broken. Maybe if I shake it.
-Home? What does this do? -Guys, you just missed Xenon.
She seems really great--
-Put that down! -[Ben and Xenon screaming]
Ben, have you even ever driven a car?
It's like you've never driven a car before you came to get me. What even was that?
-Xenon, I have a confession. -Ben!
I have a concussion!
So, that's why I made the taxi into a remote-controlled car.
I know that's not what you were expecting, and--
No, it was not what I was expecting.
It was better!
This may be the concussion talking, but there was science and there was adventure
and I-I got to spend time with you.
Yes! Good memory! That's it! That's all we've been doing!
Aw! So by messing with the remote,
we actually brought Ben and Xenon closer together.
Yeah, we sure showed that Albert.
What's this button do?
-Ginger, no! Don't press that! -Too late! Pressing it!
Nooooo!