-You guys, Jamie Foxx is my guest tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
His new movie "Robin Hood" tells the story of a man
who steals from the rich and gives to the poor,
or as Bernie Sanders put it, "How did I not get that part?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"I auditioned three times."
Let's get to some news.
President Trump was in France this weekend
to mark the 100th anniversary of World War I.
But he canceled his visit to a memorial because it was raining.
[ Laughter ]
Even worse, when he heard some thunder,
Trump yelled, "Oh, my God! The war's not over!"
[ Laughter ] "Oh! It's still going on."
[ Applause ] -[ Laughs ]
-But it turns out, though,
the whole thing was a big misunderstanding.
Yeah, when someone told Trump, "It's stormy outside,"
he said, "I already paid her. What more does she want?"
[ Laughter ] No, no, no.
[ Audience oohs ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -[ Speaking indistinctly ]
-A lot of people are speaking out about Trump's decision
to cancel a trip to an American military cemetery
because it was raining.
Joining us now with his own thoughts
is former President Barack Obama.
Thank you for being here.
[ Cheers and applause ] -You're welcome.
-Mr. President, thank you.
-Yep, no problem, Jim. I'm glad I can make it.
I almost canceled, though, because I heard
there was a tiny, little chance of a light, little drizzle.
[ Light laughter ]
Does that remind you of anybody?
"Ew, a drizzle!" [ Laughter ]
-I'm assuming you don't think
President Trump should have canceled his visit
this weekend?
-Come on, Jimmy. Come on, now -- rain?
Trump canceled because of rain?
When I was president, I was always in the rain.
Just -- Just look.
Bam. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, I -- I can see that. -Bam.
[ Laughter ] Bam.
-Yeah. Right, right, right. You never let the rain stop you.
-Bam. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -Bam.
O-bam-a. -All right.
[ Laughter ] O-bam-a.
I think -- O-bam-a.
I think -- I think we get it, yeah.
-Look, I'm just telling you. Look -- 'cause my time in office
was like one long scene from "The Notebook."
[ Laughter ] -Oh, wow.
-It's always -- always raining, you know?
I spent six out of the eight of my years
just trying to find a towel. -Now, that can't be --
[ Laughter ] That can't be true.
That can't be true. -No, I'm telling you.
It's everywhere, you know? Raindrops, drop tops.
♪ Smoking on a cookie like a hot box ♪
[ Laughter and applause ] -All right.
-And -- And you know what? I did not cancel once.
-Well, it sounds like you're pretty worked up
about the whole thing. -I am.
Look, Trump is the last guy in the world
that I want to see in a wet T-shirt.
[ Laughter ] But come on, now, look,
Captain Caravan is just afraid that the rain is going to melt
all that cotton candy on his head.
-All right. Let's not -- Okay, what --
[ Laughter and applause ]
Do you have any other thoughts on the issue?
-Uh, well, other thoughts? Let me think about it.
Uhhhh.
Nothing really comes to mind.
Oh, wait, I know -- bam! -All right.
President Barack Obama, everyone.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Shout-out to all the veterans!
-Thank you. Thank you.
[ Applause continues ]
You guys, I heard that, during his trip,
a topless female protester ran in front of Trump's motorcade.
One Secret Service agent tackled her
so she couldn't get to Trump
while another tackled Trump so he couldn't get to her.
[ Laughter ]
Trump got to see Russian President Vladimir Putin
at the event this weekend.
There's a photo of Putin walking up to greet Trump
and other foreign leaders.
Check out Trump's reaction compared to the others.
Look at this photo.
[ Laughter ]
He looks like a kid
who just spotted his dad at a music recital.
It's like, "He made it. He made it to the recital."
Look at the other leaders.
Trump's that guy who invites a friend at brunch
that nobody else likes -- like, "Oh, yeah, yeah."
[ Laughter ]
Actually, Putin showed up to the event late.
He was like, "Forgive me.
I was overseeing recount in Florida."
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
You guys, Thanksgiving is right around the corner.
And people... [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
...people everywhere...
I'm sorry. What's that? What's that sound there?
Oh, my goodness.
[ Laughter ] I'm sorry.
Who -- Who are you?
-♪ I'm spooky spider ♪
♪ I'm a Halloween fright ♪
♪ With some safety tips this Halloween night ♪
♪ Make sure your route is well-lit and well-mapped ♪
♪ And never eat candy that's been unwrapped ♪
♪ Don't throw toilet paper ♪
♪ Don't throw eggs ♪
♪ Take it from me because I've got eight legs ♪
[ Laughter ] Happy Halloween!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Uh, I'm sorry. Spooky spider, Halloween was two weeks ago.
Today is November 12th.
I mean, you -- you didn't even miss it by a little.
I mean --
[ Laughter ] -Ah, I see.
Uh, well, in that case...
♪ I'm a midterm spider ♪
♪ I'm an election fright ♪
♪ With some voting tips this Election Night ♪
♪ Be sure to vote for Republicans only and -- ♪
-I'm just going to stop you before you keep going
because, Spooky Spider, the midterms were last week.
-Really? -Yeah.
Yeah, they were -- they were last week.
-Holy smokes, I am way behind. [ Laughter and applause ]
What else? What --
Oh, I see the -- the Dodgers are in the World Series.
-That already happened. [ Laughter ]
-Mega Millions has a $1.6 billion jackpot --
that's a lot of loot. -Someone won that. Yeah, yeah.
They won that already. That -- That's...
-Ah, I've got one for you.
-Is -- Is that a Motorola --
Is that a Motorola Razr, by the way?
-Uh, yes, it's how I check my Hotmail.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, my goodness.
-I've got one for you, Jimmy.
I can tell you who ends up together
on NBC's most popular show.
-Okay, just don't tell us too much.
No spoilers. -[ Laughs ] Delicious.
♪ Now I'm the Spoiler Spider, and here's how it ends ♪
♪ Ross and Rachel will get married on "Friends" ♪
-All right. Thank you. Get out of here.
Spooky Spider! Get out, Spooky Spider.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-He's not up on current events. -He's got --
He's not up on current events. -He's not.
He should not -- -Old phone.
-Yeah, the Spooky Spider.
Guys, some sports news.
Yesterday, Chicago Bears kicker Cody Parkey
hit the field-goal posts
four different times in the same game.
Did you see this? -Yeah.
-It was rough. Watch this.
-Extra points -- 2.
Field goals -- 2.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
[ Whistle blows ] [ Laughter ]
-In his defense, that's actually way harder to do.
I mean, wow. That's pretty awesome.
[ Applause ] That's fantastic.
[ Laughter ]
Then, after the game, it took him four tries
to get through the locker-room door.
He was like... [ Laughter ]
Wsssh!
You guys, you know, we all lead such busy lives.
Sometimes it feels like we don't even have time
to watch a movie trailer, let alone an entire film,
which is why we asked
our resident movie expert Dod Togland
to recap some of this week's top movie trailers
as quickly as he can.
It's time for "Really Fast Trailer Recaps."
[ Cheers and applause ] [ Film projector clicking ]
-Thanks, Jimmy.
First up is the number-one movie at the box office,
the grumpy green "Grinch."
He's a Dr. Seuss cartoon dude, voiced by Dr. Strange.
And he beheads a kid's snowman
by shoving a carrot nose through the snowman's face.
And the kid's like, "You're a mean one."
And The Grinch was like, "I'm going to steal Christmas."
So The Grinch goes up to his fat yak and his cute dog
and makes some cappuccinos.
And he's like, "Yak, dog, we're stealing Christmas."
And the dog and the yak are like, "Dang, dude. You sure?"
And The Grinch was like, "Yeah." So The Grinch gets all chubby.
And he gets the dog to pull the sleigh.
And then he steals toys from houses with gadgets and stilts.
And the stilts were loud, so it's hard to sneak around.
The yak and the dog and The Grinch
all sleep in the same bed.
because The Grinch is a sucker for sad puppy eyes.
Rated PG for strong thematic elements.
-Uh. [ Cheers and applause ]
That was a -- That was a lot of information.
I'm -- I'm not sure I quite got all that.
Would you mind repeating just the --
-No time for chit-chat, Jimbo. Next up is
"The Girl in the Spider's Web: A Dragon Tattoo Story" movie.
So, the dragon tattoo lady with the crazy black hair
and intense eyes is in an elevator.
The music is like -- bong! And then this lady's like,
"You're the only lady who fights for ladies."
And the dragon tattoo lady is all...
And then this dude is like, "Help me, Tattoo Lady."
And she's like, "Sure." But then as soon as she does,
she's like, "Dang, I was set up."
And she jumps in a tub. The music's like -- bong!
And then she rides a motorcycle to a house
where she once played chess with her blond sister.
And the blond sister is there.
It's like, "Hello, sister. We are enemies now."
And then the cops are chasing her and air bags are going off.
There are snipers protecting her, and the dude's like,
"That tattoo lady's always got a plan."
And she's like...
And then the music's all -- bong-ga-dong-ga-shh!
Rated "R" for violence, sex stuff, and swears.
-Wow. [ Cheers and applause ]
That sounds like an intense movie.
Now, Claire Foy is the girl with the dragon tattoo, right?
Not Rooney Mara from the past?
-Jimmy, this ain't no Q&A. -I'm sorry.
-Time is money, my main muchacho.
Next up is "The Ballad of Buster Scruggs."
First, you see canyons and writing and stuff.
And then a guy is standing
in front of a bunch of Christmas trees.
[ Laughter ]
-That's -- That's the whole trailer?
-Sorry, Jimmy. Didn't see the whole thing.
Got up and left to go to the b-room.
That means "bathroom."
[ Inhales sharply ] Let's move on!
Next up is the "Outlaw King" with Captain Kirk, Chris Pine,
who plays a "Braveheart" kind of dude
who's chillin' on a rowboat.
And he's like, "I'm here to unite Scotland."
And then a woman's like, "Hell, yeah, unite Scotland!
You're my husband."
And then a "Game of Thrones" guy is like,
"Chris Pine's an outlaw. Kill everyone who helps him."
And there are armies and swords
and spears and helmets and boats
and fighting and flags and shields and ladders
and swords and speeches.
And Chris Pine's like, "I don't give a Scottish 'f'
why you are fighting, as long as you fight!"
Rated "R" for Scottish fighting.
-Wow! Thank you very much. [ Cheers and applause ]
Dod Togland, everybody. Thank you, Dod.
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
Goodness.
[ Applause continues ]
Guys, check this out -- over the weekend,
a city in Nevada broke a world record
by making a 5,000-pound serving of nachos.
[ Audience oohs ]
It was fun until a guy tried to grab one chip
then dragged all 5,000 pounds onto his plate.
like, "Oops." [ Laughter ]
"I guess I have to eat it all."
Finally, a teenager just set a new world record
by solving three Rubik's Cubes at the same time.
[ Audience oohs ]
Afterward, he went out to celebrate with his best friends,
those three Rubik's Cubes. [ Laughter ]
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!