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What's up beautiful people? It is your homegirl Shameless, all up in your building.
She's back! [gasps] You have been so missed.
I'm really just on autopilot these days
and just trying to get through it.
There's so much happening off-camera that you don't even know!
But make sure you guys follow me on Snapchat,
Twitter, Instagram just to keep up to date with me.
I'm currently growing and going through a lot of
growing pains and challenges.
And I've been working out of my home for the longest time.
My dining room has turned into the set of the Slumber Party,
my living room has turned into an office area,
and I just don't know when to work and when to shut-off.
Like there is no definition, distinction between
my personal life and work.
And I'm growing, I'm hiring people.
I now have staff and I'm moving into an office.
And I'm going to share that with you guys here on my channel.
But I wanted to backtrack because
all of this change and growth is happening
and it's really challenging my faith and what I believe.
And if I in fact believe in God
then why am I so struggling, I'm struggling?
So I figured I might as well do a video
and share that with you guys here.
Faith; do you believe in God?
Do you believe in a higher power? Do you believe in love?
Yes I do.
If you know me, if you've been onto this channel
you've seen the videos in the past.
Now I had to grow into my spirituality,
I had to discover that for myself through a series of
life challenges and questions and answers
I had to discover for myself.
As a child I was brought up strict Catholic Filipino mother,
and those are my beliefs,
I believe in everything she's telling me,
everything what the church is telling me
because that's just what I do when I'm young and a follower.
When you start to grow up you start to discover who you are
and you start to ask questions.
Is the Bible fact? Like I haven't even read the thing
and they talk about it all the time in church.
Why is this book that's been around for 2,000+ years still important?
Why would God allow all this pain and suffering to happen?
These are all questions I ask myself
and I had to discover those answers for myself
because at the end of the day
I'm not here to waste time picking other people apart.
I'm here to do me and do better.
So -- that's a damn dog. [barking in background]
In the last -- actually the same time I started this channel,
four years ago,
I was like you know what, I need to really
invest time into my spirituality and my faith and my belief
because I'm a spiritual beings, we're all spiritual beings.
Energy!
Energy is unseen, it's untouchable,
but you can feel it.
And if I can feel love,
if I came from a mother and a father that created me
how can I think for a second that there's not something --
I don't even want to say bigger because that now --
but bigger?
We came from an original source.
And to me God and science are hand-in-hand.
I believe that the Bible is a book that's inspiring.
If I was an author --
And that's the thing I like to do,
I like to do, well if it was me --
If I was an author of the Bible,
one of many authors of the Bible,
I would be writing things that may have a combination of fact,
and have a combination of creative license,
of inspiration, this didn't actually happen,
but I want the reader to be inspired by what I'm writing.
So for me the Bible isn't supposed to be
follow it verbatim, word for word.
It's an inspiration for me to look at my life
and see on areas that I can improve.
This is an area where I do not have to question it.
But then I started to question it. I said, you know what
what if there was no God? What if there was no Jesus?
And what if we're all just here just cuz'?
How does that make me feel?
And it made feel like shit,
and it made feel like sleeping all day and not doing anything.
So now I have these options to choose between.
I can choose to believe in this, no God, no Jesus.
We are just beings just living and existing and dying.
Or I could choose that there is a God,
I could choose that I don't wholeheartedly believe
in everything that the Bible is saying,
but I believe that it's there to inspire me.
I believe in Jesus,
I believe that there is a thing called love.
Neither are things that I can hold, that I can touch,
that I can see, but they are things that I feel.
This makes me feel good, this makes me feel like shit.
So which one am I going to choose?
And I choose love and I choose the thing that made me believe
that life is worth living and fighting for.
The fact is the subconscious mind
cannot tell the difference between imagination and reality.
What motivates me to live is how I feel
and if I feel like shit I don't want to do it,
but if it challenges me, if I question my doubts,
which I have, I've been questioning my --
Not so much my faith,
but I've been questioning like what am I doing?
Because I'm currently going from a one woman show to like a boss
that I have to have staff and an office,
and there's a lot of responsibilities,
and nothing in life is certain.
But when I go back to what do I believe?
I believe that I can do this, I believe that there's a God,
and whatever is meant to be will be.
So this is a new chapter of my life that I'm growing into.
And I'm excited to share the journey with you guys here.
I have been kind of on autopilot.
I haven't been able to do this
because I've just been in my hole trying to figure it out.
And I didn't go to school for this,
I dropped out of business school, and what I learned
didn't teach me how to operate my own business.
I don't come from money.
Everything I have is a result of hard work and God.
And the people that I'm meeting with and connecting with.
So I encourage you to discover what you believe,
discover your own answers,
and that's not just spiritually, that's in life in general.
I started questioning a lot of things and do I --
As an actor do I want to keep going to these auditions
and being told "no?"
No I don't want that.
Do I want to continue to watch these TV shows
and these movies that continually put one look,
this one generic look
that doesn't represent me, my family, my world,
do I want do that? Do I want to believe in that?
No, I want to do something about it.
So my beliefs help me to get up and do something about it.
I believe in change, I believe in God, I believe in Jesus,
and I do have my doubts in myself.
And I have to remind myself that even though I have these doubts
whatever is meant to be will be.
So this is my growing pains.
April 24th is my four year anniversary here on the YouTube,
on being Shameless, and I'm going to have a celebration,
an event with you boos here in Los Angeles, California.
So once I have my more details and information on that
I'm going to tune you in and let y'all know,
but we going to throw it down because I'm hosting it
and it's going to be an event
where we get to talk, converse, network, collaborate, create;
all of that fun stuff.
So stay-tuned for it.
And I'm also going to take you behind the scenes
on how I'm growing into this office and being a boss,
and figuring it out as I go.
But thank you guys so much for watching this video.
Like this video and comment below
and let me know what you guys believe in and why?
Challenges are, what you're growing pains are.
Until next time remember to do you, boo. Be shameless.
Be fierce. Be a cry-baby. Crying is okay!
I ain't ashamed to cry, okay!
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