There's a song that I wrote called 'I'm Alright'.
The lyrics start...
'I've been through the valley. I've wrestled the devil.'
'I was bruised and battered and dishevelled.'
'But I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm alright tonight.'
And it goes on to describe what life is like for a lot of people.
'The sea tried to claim me, the desert consume me.'
'The evil hounds dogging my path, they tried to seduce me.'
'But I'm alright, yes I'm alright, I'm alright tonight.'
From a really young age, like three years old,
I was on a path that I knew,
I knew it was going to lead to being a performing musician.
What happened for me is that from that time on
I always had a lot of acclaim and attention.
I'd ascended really to the top of what you could be as a drummer
in the music business in America...
playing at the Grammy Awards, playing at the Academy Awards,
travelling with named artists.
And yet inside I felt like a fraud.
I felt like none of this really is true
and that someday somebody is going to find me out.
And when they do find me out, the doors are going to close.
Because it had all come to me so easily.
And that actually became a self-fulfilling prophecy for me
in the 80's in New York City.
I was so intimidated by the music scene there
and the people that I was around,
that I fell into buffering myself from my own fear
through alcohol and drug use.
The Japanese have a koan about sake, that says...
'First the man takes the sake.'
'Then the sake takes the sake.'
'Then the sake takes the man.'
And that's what happened to me in New York City.
My fear was so great
that I was using stuff to keep that fear at bay.
And I drank and drugged all of that talent,
all of that opportunity away
to the point where I became unemployable.
'Know the truth and the truth shall set you free.'
I came to understand that when I got sober in 1990.
I had to face myself
and I had to tell myself the truth about myself.
Even when I didn't necessarily like what the truth was.
But I had to face it to be able to change it.
Telling myself the truth was, I'm really just a scared little boy
who's never had a true opportunity to face himself and grow up.
But the other truth about myself is that
I have a gift, I have a purpose.
And once I came to understand and accept
that I have a gift and a purpose,
I was able to relax and trust myself.
For a long time I believed that that truth was somewhere out there...
and it was going to become revealed to me someday
like in an old movie, with beams of light from the sky.
And the truth is, how I live in this world is up to me.
I want to live in my authentic self.
And I want to do that, not with words, but with how I'm living.
What do you see me do? How do I treat you?
If it's coming out of here, it's because it's coming out of here.
'Dance like nobody's watching.'
'Love like you've never been hurt.'
'Sing, don't care whose listening.'
'And live like it's heaven on earth.'
Well, that's actually a quote from Rumi
who was a 16th century Persian poet.
I definitely believe that you know... just be free.
Be free of self judgement.
That to me, is the thing that restricted me for so long.
Acceptance, for me, was everything.
And then surrendering the fear.
Letting it go. And whenever it comes up, letting it go again.
Excavating the blocks to fear.
Because they're in there everywhere in me.
The process for me is about removing them.
Because I've got to get rid of all of the stuff
that's stopping me from doing the stuff that knows that life is good...
for being the being that understands that life is good...
remembering that life is good.
I have an old friend in AA (Alcoholics Annonymous)... he passed recently.
He had a wonderful Scottish accent and he'd say...
'You know, if I get up in the morning and it's raining...'
'I think I'll let it.'
That resonated with me because up until that point I wasn't letting it...
I wasn't letting it be.
I was trying to make the world conform
to my idea of how I thought it should be for me.
And that's where I learned that
the choice of how I was going to feel was mine.
In every instance
I have a choice about how I'm going to respond.
Recognising that lets me to take responsibility for my feelings
and not be pulled pillar to post
by an emotional reaction to something that I read in the NY Times
or something that I see posted on TikTok
or something that I interact with on Twitter.
Those sort of fleeting emotions that happen, the fear that comes by...
recognise it for what it is and then not attach to it.
Let it float by.
And if I can't find a good reason or a good answer to
'Does this serve me?' or 'How does this serve me?'
then I just let it go... I just let it go.
We have a right to being happy, joyous and free.
That's my goal.
I want to live every day as if I am happy, joyous and free.
Most of the time now, I'm pretty happy, joyous and free.
I have a great life.
I have a wonderful wife.
I have a really good career. I live in a great place.
I have wonderful animals around me, and good friends.
I can't imagine anything that would be better than what I have now.
Leonard Cohen... one of the songs that I do...
'Love is the only engine of survival.'
I've come away from love. I've forgotten love.
And for me it's all about remembering
that I am part of this universal whole,
and the universe is love... fullstop.
There is music and there is love...
and for me that's all that really matters in my life.
And I like to think that I'm a pretty good musician
and a loving soul.
I've been through the valley.
And I've wrestled the devil.
I was bruised and battered and dishevelled.
But I'm alright.
Yeah, I'm alright.
I'm alright tonight.
The sea tried to claim me.
And the desert consume me.
Those evil hounds dogging my path
they tried to seduce me.
But I'm alright.
Yeah, I'm alright.
I'm alright tonight.
Maybe one day this battle won't rage.
And the hard times,
the hard times will all slip away.
Yes they will.
Till then that mountain
still stands in my way.
I'm gonna climb it.
I'm gonna climb it one step at a time.
Tried to swim up the river.
And I took the wrong road.
I was so tired, weak, weary.
Couldn't carry the load.
Then I saw light.
That's a new sight.
I'm alright tonight.
I've been through the valley.
And I've wrestled the devil.
Bruised, battered, dishevelled.
Then I saw light.
Now I sleep tight.
I'm alright tonight.