That's great.
(SIGHS)
Well, I hope you know this means war.
War? With us?
Trust me, babe, you don't want to go there.
Cory and Shawn are undefeated in matters such as these.
Did you see how I referred to myself in the third person for emphasis?
I thought that was a nice touch. Cory did, too.
Don't be so sure of yourselves.
You've never tangled with Rachel McGuire before.
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Okay.
(MIMICKING) Okay.
Let's just consider this a little preview of things to come.
Okay. Come... Oh.
All right!
You know what, Shawn? I... I think I'm melting.
Oh, honey, please, please. Do something at least a little clever.
Your loss.
Guys, what is going on here?
They parked my car in our room.
Nice one!
Yeah! Yeah!
We dedicate it to you. Aw.
BOTH: Topanga!
I warned you.
Topanga, join our side and teach these guys a lesson!
Sorry, guys, I have to go with them.
Good move. Go with the experience.
They need me more. They're just not as smart.
BOTH: Yeah.
Hey!
(CHUCKLES) Just kidding. I would never want to bet against you and Shawn.
Wait a minute. This isn't fair. Two against three.
We need more troops! You're right.
We need someone highly intelligent.
Cagey with a crafty mind.
(GRUNTING)
You know what, Jack, I'm having trouble opening this jar.
That's because it's a can.
We choose you!
No, choose me!
You have to be on our side. We're outnumbered.
I'll be on your side!
Jack, you're my brother.
Brothers can't be on opposite sides of a war.
Sorry, ladies,
but that's the way it is, and there's nothing you can do to change that.
It could be really fun to be on the same side.
I'm fun.
(STUTTERING) You think?
Jack, you know how good Cory and Shawn are at this.
You don't want to go against them.
You know, Jack, we were close once.
Who knows what can happen when two people are caught up in the heat of battle.
Hold on!
That's a foul. No fair offering cookies.
Did Jack forget how good my cookies were?
Whoa!
Let me remind you.
I'm with her, guys. Sorry.
Yeah, so am I.
Honey, would it be okay if I went... No? Okay. No.
All right, look.
I know both sides want me, but I'm gonna reserve my decision
until I hear all the pitches, okay?
Uh, no, see, you're Cory's brother.
You need to go over to his side.
No, he's Jack's best friend! He should be on their side!
Yeah, but it would be a really unfair advantage...
Hey, hey, ho! Come on!
Stop fighting over me, guys! Stop fighting over me!
No, no, no, I've already made my decision, all right?
Do I get cookies? No.
How about a cracker? Nothin'.
Mutton?
Fine! Fine! You'll regret this one day.
I've already decided to be on the side of, um...
Um...
Hey! Okay, okay.
(SHUSHING)
(WHISPERING) I'm not really on your team. I'm a spy.
(YELLS)
Hey, wait. No. I'm not really on your team.
I'm a spy.
The Civil War was one of the darkest moments
in the history of our nation.
Once united, we were now on the precipice
of a terrible conflagration
which would cast friend against friend,
and brother against brother.
Mr. Feeny, this war must be stopped!
Your passion for the material is admirable, Mr. Matthews,
but not to worry. The Civil War was fought over a hundred years ago.
Oh, no one cares about that crap. I'm talking about now!
Come on, make 'em call it off.
I just don't want to see anybody get hurt!
Mr. Matthews, I have no idea what you're talking about,
and "that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it."
Tomorrow, we'll begin with the first shots fired on Fort Sumter.