- I am tired.
Let's begin.
I hate sleep.
Let's put it out there.
Let's just say it.
Let's just say it how it is.
I know it's deeply, highly unrelatable.
It's not a good thing, I guess in my career,
as an online content creator.
Aren't we supposed to strive to be relatable or something?
She says sitting here with flowers
on her head for no discernible reason
other than that I felt like they went together.
I think they do, they do go.
I think this is a good outfit and no one can stop me.
I should also say I'm quite cold.
So the blanket's coming.
I think just being tired makes me extra cold.
But I'm also just really tired because I hate sleep.
I hate my bed.
I have chronic fatigue.
And what are those things that you hear
when you have chronic fatigue?
Maybe you should sleep more.
Oh, does that just mean you didn't sleep well?
I could probably sleep
for 30 hours and still wake up exhausted.
Or I could sleep for three
because weirdly, as a small child,
I've had insomnia by the way, my whole life.
So insomnia is difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep
for long enough to feel refreshed the next morning.
Haven't had chronic fatigue my whole life.
Have had insomnia my whole life.
I used be the last person in my house to fall asleep,
even when I was four years old.
I first slept for a full night when I was three,
which I imagine was such fun for my parents before that age.
But don't worry, they assured me it was fine.
They just left me and went to bed, as you do.
I think I probably just sat in my room with my books.
It's what I continued to do forever.
Throughout my primary school career,
I slept for four hours a night every night
and then I'd just get up and go to school.
And that was just what I did, what?
Think of what I could have achieved
with eight hours sleep a night,
only person to get an F at games in my school.
That's PE, I don't know what they call it in your school.
Instead, I would just have to lie awake
in bed every single night
dreading the entire night, waiting for it to end.
(person sighing)
As the hours rolled on.
Oh, my parents were like,
don't roam the house, Jessica, stay in your room.
Really quickly ran out of things to do in my room.
And I did genuinely want to go to sleep
because I knew that sleep health was important.
Sleep health, I knew that sleeping was good for me
so I'd lie in my bed
and I tried really hard to go to sleep.
Like, come on, please let it happen.
Also, on the times that I did actually fall asleep early.
Like I'd be put to bed at, I don't know, eight,
if I fell asleep before midnight.
Because my mom told me
that hours before midnight
were worth two after midnight,
if I fell asleep before midnight,
I'd be like, oh my God, what did I do?
What happened, how do I replicate this magic?
So I would then have to somehow replicate it the next day.
So I'd lie in the exact same position.
Like one time it was lying across my bed,
I'd just fallen asleep across my bed.
So for the next five weeks, I would only lie
across the bed in the hope that would make me fall asleep.
Actual very accurate reenactment happening here.
Yes, did used to go to sleep with my fingers crossed
hoping the night would end.
Sadly, insomnia still effects me now, 34 years later.
My insomnia is the type where I can't get to sleep
but I can then stay asleep.
I'm like a dead lock.
There's nothing you can do to wake me.
Really, we slept with Rupert
in our room for his first seven months.
Seven, eight months.
He, small baby would wake up and do whatever, cry.
Obviously deafness plays a large part
in my not waking up.
But Claudia would like climb over me sometimes
to get out of bed to get to him.
Nothing, I'm down.
I'm out, once I'm asleep, gone.
But the getting to sleep though and there's nothing worse
than having a little baby, I'm being like,
I really should be asleep
because this child is going to wake up
and I should take every opportunity to sleep
while this child is asleep.
But I can't, I am exhausted.
But just enjoying lying in bed
is an utterly unrelatable feeling to me.
I never really understood in movies
and TV shows where characters are spending all their time
in bed or they're like, ah, I love sleeping.
It's the best, it's amazing.
Unrelatable, can't do it.
Do not, cannot appreciate, don't get it.
But then I also do have a thing where I wake up
at exactly the same time every single day,
no matter what time I went to sleep, 7:30 it is,
actually sometimes if it's bad, I wake up at 6:30.
Recently I've been waking up at 6:30,
and then we have some friends who are like, oh,
we can't do brunch on Saturdays.
That's when we have a lie in.
But we could do lunch 'cause we only wake up at one,
1:00 PM, your body does what now?
Were you blessed by the gods?
Did I do something terrible in another life?
Am I being punished?
But there are actually different types of insomnia.
It's not just my type where you can't go to sleep.
Insomnia's actually a pretty common problem
and it is thought to regularly affect
around one in every three people in the UK.
And it's pretty common in elderly people.
Which makes a lot of sense
because I think my grandparents all had insomnia.
Like the common things in insomnia
are basically, finding it difficult to fall asleep
or lying awake for long periods at night.
Waking up lots of times or waking up really early
in the morning and just not being able to get back to sleep
which is very much me.
Once I'm awake, I am awake.
And then you just don't feel refreshed.
You get up and you're like, ah, it's the day, is it?
Goodness, I feel much like I did at 11:00 PM last night.
So worth it.
Although I suppose it is worth it
because really it's like you press pause on yourself, right?
And that's good.
You can't nap, I can't nap.
My mother is really into naps.
It's like the thing that she loves the most in the world.
Probably within half an hour of meeting my mother,
she will ask you if you need to go for a nap.
It doesn't matter how old you are,
she will ask you if you need a nap.
Well, to tell you that you need to go for a nap,
I don't nap, I cannot nap.
Just lie down and play the Sims.
Which is quite good, relaxing time for me.
I do think when they say one in three people have insomnia
that it's mainly people
having the occasional episodes of insomnia.
Which it's okay, don't worry.
They do come and go without problems, but for some people
it can last months and years at a time.
Persistent insomnia like mine can have a significant impact
and kind of limits you, what you can do during the day.
Mine is just really bad at the moment.
It gets bad in peaks and troughs,
peaks and troughs and the triggers for it
as for everyone's triggers for everything,
are unique to you as we are all special and unique.
But generally are things like a change in anything.
A time zone change, relationships, work stress,
school stress, friends, family, life.
Anything that could be upsetting
is going to upset your sleep.
So anything that then brings that up later on
is also going to upset your sleep.
If you experience insomnia once,
things that remind you of that time
often can retrigger your insomnia.
I think last weekend over a course
of three nights I managed to sleep
and accumulated six hours.
That was great.
Really, really great.
And that's deep sleep though.
That's okay, it's deep sleep.
I did sleep other hours.
But those were in that weird halfway sleep
where you're like aware
that you are trying to sleep.
Semi-conscious, semi-conscious sleep.
I have a lot of those hours.
They suck, they're the worst.
That's when your sleep paralysis demon comes out
and you're like, ah hey.
Ah, don't eat me.
On average, a normal amount of sleep
for an adult is supposed to be around seven
to nine hours a night, which is,
children and babies may sleep longer than this
and all the adults apparently sleep less.
What's important though, I guess,
is whether you feel you get enough sleep
and whether that sleep is actually good quality
because you could be in that weird half sleep for 10 hours,
you're probably not gonna feel great about it though.
One of the worst things about insomnia
is that you start to associate
your bed difficulty getting too sleep.
So then often I'll be like, ah, I'm snuggly on the sofa.
Starting to get sleepy
and then we go upstairs ready to get into bed,
lie my head down on my pillow and I'm like my pillow,
I'm in bed in my bedroom and then I cannot sleep.
I do have this bed,
sometimes I do think I'll just leave my wife
and come to this bed, goodbye wife.
Although she's brought Tilly back into our bed,
Tilly's our dog, don't panic,
for those who are unaware of who Tilly is.
Tilly's our dog.
I don't love having dogs on the bed.
It doesn't help me getting too sleep.
Claudia's like, oh, but look,
she has such a cute little face,
like she really wants to be here.
Just don't give her so much attention since Rupert was born.
Okay, get her to your side and she starts off
on Claudia's side and then Tilly's like, ah,
the only one side of me is warm
and I don't want one warm side and one cold side.
I'll get in between my mummies.
And then she has two warm sides.
Except one of those warm sides
is a very awake person who's like.
(person groaning)
This dog kicks when she's asleep.
Do I have some kind of sleep anxiety?
I mean, who is to say, who is to say,
does my mind race while I lie in bed?
Do I have 20,000 thoughts?
Yes, but I also do in the day time.
So who is to say?
I would just like to say though that I have taken
at some point in my life, followed every single
freaking recommendation that is out there.
Every single one, sleep health recommendation
it is possible for me to follow
in the country in which I live, which is England,
I have done okay, when it's make your bedroom
a place that you only sleep in.
I've done it, when it's fill your room
with lavender smells, done it, hate lavender now.
When it's keep all of your lights low, done it.
I can't see, I literally can't see.
I only have one eye.
So I actually have no depth perception
and low light does not help.
I just fall over all the time.
You'll struggle to get a good night's sleep
you go to bed at inconsistent times.
Always go to bed at the same time.
Yes, I've done it.
It sucks, you just lie there.
Ah, nap during the day.
Yeah, tried that.
Don't nap during the day, tried that.
Nope, nope, nope.
Don't look at any type of screen of any kind
for three hours before you want to go to bed.
Okay, I did try that.
Don't let your bedroom be noisy
or too quiet or any of anything.
Yeah, yeah, I've done it.
And also I've tried them for more than just one night.
Okay, I tried them for months.
For me I found when he gets really bad
the thing that helps is just playing the Sims,
which definitely isn't recommended.
Lying in bed, playing the Sims, let Claudia go to sleep
next to me until I'm so tired
and I can't keep my eyes open and then I just shut it.
And after about a week of doing that,
generally I'm back on track.
Do I have something?
Do I have a cure, is that a cure?
Did the Sims cure my insomnia?
Maybe, maybe it did.
You know what, I have to say though,
having a laptop that I can play the Sims on
absolutely beats what I used to do as a teenager
which was get up in the middle of the night
because I was so sick of lying in my bed for three hours
and go all the way downstairs, turn on the family computer.
(person sighing)
Which took like a good 20 minutes to boot up
and I had to remember to hold my hands
over both of the stupid speakers
because of course it booted up
with like the loudest noise known to man.
And then you've gotta log in
gotta boot up the Sims, go another 20 minutes.
And then you've gotta like log in,
get to your family, open them up.
Geez, by the time you start playing,
you've been downstairs for a full hour
and then you get to start going.
(person humming)
And if you do anything to make the slightest bit of noise
my mother, who has the hearing like a bat,
will come down, playing the Sims, back to bed.
And I'd be like, no, the thing that lets me sleep
but I wouldn't obviously,
make a weird noise.
I'd just be like, okay,
then go back to bed and then be like, ah, yeah.
Fun fact though.
If you've randomly got insomnia
and you've never had it before and you're like, what?
What an earth could be going on?
Why have I got insomnia now?
Did you recently start taking any new medication?
Do checkout the the instructions
that came with your medication because a lot of medications
do actually have insomnia listed as a side effect.
So check that one out and do talk to a doctor
if it's going on for too long
and it has randomly started because it can also be a symptom
of other things such as heart conditions
and also lung conditions like COPD and asthma.
You can be waking up in the middle of the night
and not realizing it because you are struggling to breathe.
Can have an overactive thyroid, you can have joint
and muscle problems, arthritis, that's the reason.
And also childbirth can sometimes lead to insomnia
and things like depression and ADHD.
Although if you've got ADHD,
you've probably had insomnia for your whole life too.
And these can also include,
oh, antidepressants, epilepsy medications,
medicines for high blood pressure, beta blockers.
What else is gonna give you insomnia suddenly?
Shocks, you've had a shock recently.
Even if it was like a little jolt
in the car sometimes that can make your body be like,
I don't know if it's safe to sleep.
In which case therapy might be the answer.
What else helps insomnia?
You tell me.
I did once take some melatonin,
that was not in this country, don't worry.
And it was really good.
That was nice, that was a good sleep.
Probably the best advice though is to get out of bed.
I always think that was the best.
Like if you've been lying there
and it's got to about 30 minutes and nothing has happened,
you are not going to sleep.
Get out of bed for 20 minutes and just do something else.
Nothing that's going to really wake you up.
But just like read a little bit
or listen to some soft music.
I was already just thinking about about the breathing
I do with my son to get him to go to sleep
but it was working on me so that,
yes, I'm teaching my 21 month old to meditate
and then get back in bed 'cause, don't just lie there
for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours.
How many videos have you now watched
about insomnia while you've been lying here.
Please someone else tell me in the comments
you have also struggled with insomnia your entire life.
And I'm not alone in this because it's a lot.
Oh my god, I also can't with these people who are like,
don't have any caffeine before you go to bed.
Stop having caffeine before midday.
What, ridiculous.
Genuinely makes no difference.
Oh, I mean to me anyway, all bodies are different.
Obviously all bodies are different.
Oh, I just hate being over the age of 30,
having dealt with this for 30 years
and people feel like they've just come to you,
they're bringing you something new
and you're like, oh thanks sir.
Wow, never thought of that one, shocking.
One thing I will give you though is daily exercise
because yeah, that does actually help.
The annoying thing is though
I already have an not particularly strong body
due to my disability.
And once I get into a bad sleep spiral,
I do not have the energy to exercise
and work and care for my child.
So that has to wait for the weekend.
Except I probably didn't manage to finish all my work
during the week 'cause I was too tired.
So now I have to answer emails
and edit videos and take photos
and write speeches at the weekend alongside other stuff.
I'm tired.
You just need extra time to get back on your feet.
And then the NHS website says to mention it to your doctor.
And I have mentioned it
to I think every doctor I've ever seen.
And at the start they were like, you'll grow out of it.
And then I was a teenager and it was, oh, you're a teenager.
And then it was, you should have grown out of that.
And now they just go, oh, that's not very good.
Thank you.
Goodness, you don't say.
Thank you so much for watching this ramble
about my sleep and for bearing with me
whilst I try to get myself back on track.
I post more when not sleep deprived.
Can't even really blame my baby.
Not a baby, he's a toddler.
He talks and walks and runs.
It's not his fault.
Thank you so much to everyone
who has bought something from my merch sale.
For those of you who don't know,
I am closing down my merch store, shop.
I wanted to say shop but then I was like,
the majority of you are American,
so I'm gonna go with store.
And then I went for a weird middle ground,
place where things are sold.
I'm closing down the place where my merch is sold.
So as of today, the release of this video,
everything left in the shop
is now going to be ta-da, 30% off.
As of today, we have left Walter patches,
Tilly patches, spoons patches
and some lovely greetings cards.
And when it's gone, it's gone.
Bye-bye, thank you.
I'll see you in my next video.
It will be better than this one.
(upbeat music)