- [Narrator] Don't wanna go to my cheating sister's wedding.
My brother-in-law found out my sister
has been cheating on him for eight years, two years ago.
Three kids together.
Her boyfriend was married with two kids.
My brother-in-law found old phones with old text messages
that confirmed his suspicions.
My sister worked with this man
she was cheating with for eight years,
went to company parties together, same work, social circles.
My sister and her husband even met up socially
with her cheating partner and his wife.
All the time she was working late,
working on Sundays and asking me, my other siblings
and my parents to watch the kids.
We're not to help her with her job, but to help her cheat.
Her youngest was born during the affair.
Even had my other sister take a picture of her
in the NICU with a baby,
which we found out was to send to her boyfriend.
DNA test confirmed it's my brother-in-law's baby.
Looking back, everything we thought was true
all these years wasn't, it's heartbreaking.
They destroyed not only their own families,
but broke the hearts of my parents and her in-laws.
My parents were devastated to learn
their daughter was capable of this.
They were depressed and still are to a degree this day.
My father will never be the same.
He says he will go to his grave with a broken heart
for her part in this,
he can't believe his own daughter would do this.
Anyway, two years later, still dealing with his shitshow,
nasty divorce, custody issues, financial issues,
lots of money involved.
She is now living with him, and getting married next month,
asked my parents for their blessing, lol.
My father said, "You did what you wanted all these years
without my blessing.
Now you want it? You're not getting anything."
I want nothing to do with this wedding,
but I feel bad for her children.
I also have two daughters who do know what happened,
15 and 13.
Feel like I am setting a bad example
to go celebrate this with them.
Her kids have not put the pieces together,
and don't realize what really went down.
I don't acknowledge him or their relationship.
She thinks this man walks on water
and wants us to accept him, I can't.
We love our brother-in-law
and still keep in contact with him, which angers her.
Am I the asshole for refusing to go to my sister's wedding?
FYI, there is so much more to this,
but post was already long enough.
No, you aren't, what your sister did was very wrong,
and it is refreshing to hear
that you still get along with your brother-in-law.
Personally, I understand why you don't wanna go.
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal,
especially as you and your family used
to look after the kids,
only for her to be messing around with someone else.
Feel very sorry for the kids.
In fact, it's encouraged that there are family like these
who would enforce just behaviors,
regardless of blood relations.
I'm sure your brother-in-law appreciates
their support a lot.
You are absolute not the asshole for not going.
I think going under any circumstances
would be incredibly poor taste,
but especially since you've mentioned
that your own children understand exactly what happened.
I very much agree that going to your sister's wedding
would be similar to telling your children
that what your sister did was acceptable.
I'm glad your sister thinks
her cheating partner walks on water.
She nuked entire life in order to be with him.
So she better think he's special,
but it also sounds like she has no remorse for what she did.
And also very little awareness or empathy
for how her bad choices are impacting literally
every single other person in her life.
Not even mentioning the devastation happening
in her cheating partner's family.
If I were you, I wouldn't be able to stand
being in the same room with her,
long enough to attend her wedding.
So please absolutely feel no shame about skipping,
not the asshole.
Good on you for realizing how much your kids are looking
to your reactions and all this.
Your sister chose to lie to her whole family for years.
If it were me, I would just call brother-in-law,
brother and sister, what's her name, don't go.
Going in a way supports and accepts her cheating behavior.
You can support her children in a different way.
My heart goes out to your family
and the people who were cheated on.
I hope you all heal from this.
She did what she wanted for eight years, lying and cheating.
Not only to her husband, but her entire family.
Now you can do what you want,
which is not going to the wedding.
I'd also use the not going as a teaching opportunity
for your own daughters.
Stand on your morals. Don't compromise and don't attend.
No need to have your body present in tacit blessing
to this unholy union,
when your mind and heart does not agree.
- [Woman] Not the asshole.
It's your choice if you go to the wedding.
You may be the asshole
about how you treat your sister moving forward, though.
As I'm curious, why did she cheat?
Why did she want a divorce?
Did she ever confide in you about her marriage?
Was she happy? Was her husband a good husband and father?
Were there issues?
Drinking, abuse, gambling, or neglect, et cetera?
You paint your sister as pure evil,
and your brother-in-law as an angel.
It's never that simple.
Also she did not break up that other family, only her own.
The husband, 100% broke up his own family.
- [Narrator] You're doing the right thing
by not going to the wedding.
In your sister's sick mind, you'd be condoning her behavior.
Cheaters think a lot differently than us normal folks.
I wouldn't have anything to do with her or him.
She chose this,
but it doesn't mean anybody has to go along with it.
I hope it was worth it for her.
Destroying two families and getting ostracized from her own.
Karma's a bitch. Not the asshole.
It definitely feels supportive of the marriage to go.
And I understand where you're coming from.
You're concerned about backlash perhaps,
but if people don't invite family and friends
to weddings to make a statement of anger, exclusion,
you can certainly do the same to state your lack of support.
Your father's response also supports this.
She opened the door to backlash, hurt and anger,
leaving room for you guys to lack support,
and care for the relationship.
Going could set a bad example,
and the lack of presence of family
will make her children question why.
In later years, they will also understand
their mother was in the wrong and perhaps have the courage
not to go along with things,
if anything negative happens to them in the future,
because they have already seen family set
a strong precedent.
Best to you and your family.
One person's actions affect everyone and it can really suck.
You can still love your sister
and express disappointment with your actions.
Do not go to this shitshow.
Just because she is blood relative doesn't mean
you are obligated to condone her behavior.
Your sister is a bad person,
and I wouldn't have anything to do with her, ever.
Not only is she a cheater, but a liar and manipulator too.
She used everyone to facilitate the cheating.
Would you accept this behavior from someone else?
You are right for not wanting to go
to your sister's wedding.
What she did was incredibly disrespectful to all families
and everyone involved.
You cannot go to the wedding.
If you do, you are accepting her behavior.
You would also be giving a terrible example
to your own children.
Make it clear to your sister that you still love her,
but you cannot be a part of what she is doing any longer.
You're definitely doing the right thing here.
My sister cheated behind my brother-in-law's back many times
because she thought she was entitled to it,
I believe for being a good wife, WTF, right?
She said her husband worked too much
and didn't give her enough attention.
Yeah, he worked his ass off two jobs and on the weekends,
so he could pay for the house she wanted,
the in-ground pool she wanted, the vacation she wanted,
and she has the balls to say he works too much.
And then they lost the house because of her spending habits
and constantly getting refinancing,
second mortgages, et cetera.
I'm still pissed at her, even though it's been years
since she did it.
I'm not sure if he knows, but I think he does.
Wow. Your story is very similar to mine.
I'm the brother-in-law in the story.
I'll tell you from the moment I found out
and filed for divorce,
her parents and brother took her side
and believed all sorts of nonsense
she must have been telling them.
She's a huge narcissist and maybe sociopath.
Anyway, her family cut me off entirely.
Our son pretty quickly ditched the shared physical custody
and moved in with me.
And they ended up being largely cut off from him too.
So stupid, anyway, it's very refreshing
to read what you wrote in your plan
to not support her misconduct.
Good for you.
I wish my former in-laws had your moral compass.