One of the things that I recommend a lot
when developing a cold email campaign
is to start with trigger points.
So reaching out to people when
they express publicly on the web
that they might need your service.
One of those trigger points is job postings.
So if you're hiring for a certain role
that is a good time to reach out.
Today's cold email is what happens when you get that wrong.
In today's video, I wanna jump through a cold email
that I got from this company called Vantech,
break it down and show you how it could be improved,
and how your emails could be improved as well.
So let's jump into it.
So here's the email from Vantech,
"Customer Happiness Manager"'s the subject line.
I actually think that's fine.
"Dear Alex"
You know, it's always good to just be more casual in emails.
"We recently saw that you were looking for a
Customer Happiness Manager.
"Here at VirtualEmily we have the best talent to offer you
"in the following areas."
Bunch of bullet points, a big picture,
and then more sentences that I'm not reading about.
An attached PDF and then the email signature.
Off the bat, based on some of the other videos,
you know what I'm going to say for some of this.
So first of all, why is this image here?
Get rid of the attachments.
(click, click)
Right?
So that brings us already to a much shorter email.
Another note here is on tone.
This is from Emily at Vantech, right?
It's not from "we."
It's from Emily.
So instead of writing "we," just write "recently."
I usually don't like starting emails with "I"
because it makes the email more me-centric,
more about myself than the client, the target.
So getting rid of that all together
is an easy way to jump that.
So, "Hi Alex, Recently saw that you're looking for."
Actually like contractions a lot, it makes it more human.
"Recently saw that
"you're looking for a Customer Happiness Manager."
The reason why I added,
"and thought you might find this interesting"
to the sentence is I'm trying to give
the target a reason to keep reading.
Because right now it's
"saw that you're looking for a Customer Happiness Manager,"
and it's not really connected to the second sentence at all.
And this is going to be something
that might be tough for Vantech to implement
unless they change their cold emailing process,
but based on this information,
you know that it's a customer happiness manager position,
So there's no reason to talk about sales, lead generation,
appointment setting, Virtual Emily Assistants,
research and data base
There's no need to talk about any of this.
Okay, so now this first sentence
kind of grabs my interest a little more.
"Hi Alex, recently saw that
"you're looking for a Customer Happiness Manager,
"and thought you might find this interesting.
"Our Virtual Emily Assistant service lets you outsource
"your lead generation and appointment setting."
They're still talking about lead generation
and appointment setting,
but it's Customer Happiness Manager.
If they only wanted reach out to lead generation
and appointment setting clients,
they should have gotten rid of
the Customer Happiness Manager target,
and focused only on new business,
if they only wanna talk about new business.
'Cause right now this email's not relevant.
So let's actually say,
they're not targeting their Customer Happiness Manager.
Let's say it's like Business Development Rep.
"Our Virtual Emily Assistant lets you outsource
"your lead generation and appointment setting
"and focus on doing what you love,
"while saving you money."
The problem with this pitch is right here,
"and focus on doing what you love."
If you're emailing a Director of Marketing
or CEO, or anything like that,
"and doing what you love" isn't going to appeal to them.
It might appeal to an entrepreneur at a tiny business,
but those aren't the kind of clients that you want.
So how can we change this to make it better.
"Our Virtual Emily Assistant lets you outsource
"your lead generation and appointment setting
"so that you or the sales team
"can focus more on closing deals and taking meetings,
"instead of building lead lists."
And then I wouldn't mention "while saving money."
It's much better to position yourself as saving people time,
than saving people money.
As long as the service provides value.
"Don't worry about office space, work hours, payroll
"or project management.
"Our services are all inclusive."
This is an unnecessary sentence.
"Please let me know when it's the best time to call you,"
could be phrased a lot better.
For instance, as a question.
"Hi Alex, Recently saw that you're looking for
"a Business Development Representative
"and thought you might find this interesting.
"Our Virtual Emily Assistant service
"lets you outsource your lead generation
"and appointment setting so that you
"or the sales team can focus more on closing deals
"and taking meetings instead of building lead lists.
"Does this sound interesting for Experiment27?
"Let me know and I'll send over a few times for a call.
"Also happy to send more information."
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Thanks.