-Demi Moore is here.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Demi Moore!
Justin Hartley is here, and...
[ Cheers and applause ]
...Mark Ronson are all here.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's actually a pretty crazy coincidence,
because we have a bit of a history.
Now, a lot of people don't know this,
but all four of us went to law school together.
[ Laughter ]
We worked at the same law firm back in the late '80s,
and we even shot some commercials.
But to keep our line readings fresh,
our director wouldn't let us see the lines
until we were shooting.
We were just reading them for the first time, live.
Well, I found one of our own commercials.
So, here for the first time in decades is an ad
for the law offices of Moore, Hartley, Ronson, and Fallon.
-Do you need legal aid but don't know where to turn?
Worry no more,
because your search for a lawyer is over.
No matter the case, the law offices
of Moore, Hartley, Ronson, and Fallon
will fight for you to get you the help you deserve.
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
-Moore, Hartley, Ronson, and Fallon is a team you can trust.
Are we the best lawyers in the world?
No.
But are we the worst lawyers in the world?
Absolutely.
-I went to Harvard Law School,
And by Harvard, I mean university.
And by "law school," I mean Phoenix.
That's right.
I got my degree online at the University of Phoenix.
And so, too, can you, my little boo.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I doesn't do words good,
but I does do lawyer stuff happy.
You hire me to do's good job for you?
Pwease?
Thank you, Daddy.
-Is our next one -- You go first?
-We go together. [ Cheers and applause ]
-One time, I got my hand
stuck in a Pringles can for 20 minutes.
I sue Pringles for $10 million and lost,
and I'd do the same for you, guaranteed.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey. Hey, hey, hey!
Have you ever wondered why they sell doughnut holes
but they don't sell bagel holes?
-We're gonna sue those bagel bastards
and get you the cream cheese that you deserve.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Laughs ]
Did a motorist hit you from behind?
Did a cement block fall on your foot?
-Did a snowball hit you in your mama's face?
Well, if we can't get you the money you deserve...
-...then our name isn't Neil Patrick Harris.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-If you need help, just call us at 1-800-555-0199.
Ex-- [ Laughs ]
Extension 7727772.
Ask for Carol.
She'll patch you through to our main office.
[ Laughter ]
Wait 45 seconds for the tone,
then wait another nine minutes for the beep.
Enter your Social Security number
followed by the pound sign.
We're open from 1:00 p.m. on Monday
to 1:15 p.m. on Monday.
[ Laughter ]
If you can't reach us,
leave your name and a call-back number.
We won't call you back, but we will text you nudes.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-And if you're looking for a settlement
and you're hungry for justice, then --
I mean, are you also hungry for food?
I have a $100 gift card to Chili's.
And your girl's jonesing for some jalapeño poppers.
Pop, pop, pop, pop!
[ Laughter ] Pop, pop, pop!
Pop!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I dropped acid 15 minutes ago.
[ Laughter ]
Uh-oh.
[ Laughter ]
-Roses are red, violets are blue.
One time, I got my penis stuck in a pool filter.
[ Laughter ]
The paramedics didn't show up for three months.
It was the best summer of my life.
[ Laughter ]
-We talk together.
-We're -- [ Laughter ]
We're the team that will fight for you.
-And we got the experience and expertise to prove it.
-Want to see us all bab 10 times in a row
and then scream, "It's the law, bitches"?
-Check this crap out.
-It's the law, Bitches!
-The Law Offices of Moore, Hartley, Ronson, and Fallon.
Call now.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Guys, my thanks to Demi Mo--
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
My thanks to Demi Moore, Justin Hartley, and Mark Ronson!