The beginning is always… Mind blowing. They are irresistibly charming. Absolutely
perfect. There’s instant chemistry. The lovebombing begins immediately.
They shower you with compliments and affection. Somehow, they always know exactly what to say.
It’s intense and addictive, and you begin to wonder… Have I found my soulmate?
It sounds too good to be true because it is. It’s nothing more than an act.
The paradise you’ve built together will soon turn into hell.
The decline can start off gently. They pick on you every now and then
while trying to convince you that it’s just teasing.
But… The jokes are never funny. Slowly they begin to judge everything
you do. Where you work, what you wear and who you hang out with.
They compare you to other people, especially their exes.
They knock you down when you achieve something worth celebrating.
They dismiss your dreams and goals instead of supporting them.
They’ll even find a way to ruin your birthday. When you tell them what hurts you or makes you
feel vulnerable, they’ll use it as ammunition. Your identity is slowly being erased
while your confusion grows. “Where is the person I fell in
love with?”, you ask yourself. “Are they ever coming back?”.
“We were so beautiful together just a few weeks ago…”.
You’re convinced that it’s just a small roadblock and you’ll be able to fix it,
but what you don’t realize yet is that they planned this all along.
They chose the most beautiful, kind, generous and loving person they could
find just to be able to destroy them.
They’ve been messing with your
self esteem for their own pleasure because they absolutely LOVE a reaction.
It proves that they have power over your emotional state.
Unaware that things can only get worse, you finally decide to speak up
and that is when the gaslighting starts. They’ll spin the truth and distort your reality,
continually shifting the blame. They’ll convince you that your perfectly
normal reactions are blown out of proportion. All of a sudden, you’re too jealous and too needy.
Your sanity begins to fade away, while doubt is seeping in.
You get tricked into believing that you created this mess
and so… You apologize and take the blame. You keep quiet and try even harder to please them.
They slowly take control of your life by forcing you to obey a set of double standards.
They won’t respect your boundaries and will make you feel guilty for actually having any.
They expect you to treat them like they’re your romantic partner
while not offering the same level of commitment. They make you feel like you’re a burden
when you’re depressed or sick. They isolate you from friends and family,
lashing out when you want to spend time with anyone else than them.
You begin to put your basic needs and desires aside,
sacrificing your emotional and financial safety to please the narcissist.
If you somehow manage to disappoint them, they’ll withold their love and attention
as a way to manipulate and make you beg for more. Your expectations are managed down to mere crumbs.
You’ll be happy just because they haven’t started a fight in the past couple of days.
You end up walking on eggshells, afraid to ever state your needs in case it starts another fight.
And yet, they always manage to turn simple conversations into hours-long arguments.
They think they’re right about everything and NEVER apologize.
During a disagreement, they’ll talk to you in circles
until you’re exhausted and just want it to end.
You could be lying next to them, sobbing uncontrollably while they simply end the
conversation unresolved, turn the lights off and go to sleep, snoring within 5 minutes as though nothing happened.
At this point, you become increasingly confused. Cracks begin to show while your patience crumbles.
They’re monsters behind closed doors yet always end up being
extremely kind to strangers which is why no one believes you.
When you’re out together in public, people usually think you’re the insane one.
As soon as you try to back away or even break up, a narcissist will go into PANIC mode and magically
revert to being the person you fell in love with. You’re immediately relieved and glad to see
that your soulmate is still somewhere in there… And so of course, you give them another chance.
The moment they know they have you back, they stop caring again.
They’ll come in and out of your life, leaving you puzzled.
Every time you try to leave, they hoover you back, promising to change, emotionally manipulating you
into staying through making you feel guilty. Guilty for being angry, for being hurt,
for being tired and for trying to protect yourself from their abuse.
And when you’re truly, TRULY done… They’ll just move on as though nothing has ever happened.
A narcissist doesn’t just break your heart. They break your spirit, body and mind.
They might be a part of your past, but their poison still cruises through your veins.
Your confidence and trust in other people is shattered.
You’re just a shadow of your former self.
I know moving on might seem tough, but please remember that this wasn’t your fault.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You were simply being yourself.
A beautiful, trusting, loving human.
A narcissist will never change. Trying to love them is like trying to water concrete.
The only way to win this game is to not play.